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Original poster

Overwhelmed by flowers and don't know what to do with them

22 replies

florali · 30/03/2022 20:22

My baby died and I'm inundated. I have had just shy of 40 beautiful bouquets turn up in the last couple of weeks but it's too much and I feel very overwhelmed. They are in the two vases I own and then just in jugs, glasses, caffetieres. I am struggling to keep them all alive and seeing so many dying I am finding triggering like I can't keep my flowers or my baby alive. It sounds silly but it is how I am feeling. I don't want to be rude and give them away or throw any away before it is their time but I am just overwhelmed. I don't know who to ask as I don't want to offend anyone who has gone out of their way to send something. I am sorry if I sound ungrateful. I am not. Does anyone know what you can really do. Is there somewhere you can donate something like flowers too?

OP posts:

RodiganReed · 30/03/2022 20:25

I'm so sorry for your pain.

Please make this someone else's problem, call a friend or a sibling or someone, tell them what you've told us and let them come and take them away. You don't need to be worrying about flowers at a time like this.

Jongy · 30/03/2022 20:28

If someone can’t take them away, why not place them outside around a tree in your garden so that you can glimpse them when you want and know that people care about you but so that they’re not indoors overwhelming you.

Nature will take care of them.

Sorry for your loss.

FindingMeno · 30/03/2022 20:29

I am so so sorry .
I agree with what @RodiganReed has said.

Nomoreusernames1244 · 30/03/2022 20:31

So sorry about your baby.

I remember the endless flowers too when a relative died young. People don’t think, they want to show they care and flowers are just easy.

Pick a couple of favourite bunches, take photos or the rest, keep any card. Then get someone to come round for the rest. Donate, take them to a local graveyard and distribute round any children’t graves, it doesn’t matter.

Is there anyone who could quietly spread the word that no more flowers, and maybe suggest donations to a hospice, m/w unit or similar in lieu?

Don’t worry about upsetting anyone. But rope in a support person- friend, dh, your parents or in laws?

Clymene · 30/03/2022 20:32

Oh I'm so sorry. I can imagine how you feel (I've had a miscarriage so I know how devastating it is). Your feelings aren't silly at all.

If I were your friend or sibling, I'd come and take them away. Actually I'd take them away even though I don't know you.

Big hugs to you. It's horrible

LabMix · 30/03/2022 20:33

Put them on olio

SickAndTiredAgain · 30/03/2022 20:35

I’m so sorry.

Definitely ask someone else to deal with this. Your mum maybe? Close friend? Ask them to come round and just take them all away. I’d understand if a friend asked me this.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/03/2022 20:35

I don't want to be rude and give them away or throw any away before it is their time

Their time was simply to let you know someone cared. They've done that so what happens to them afterwards isn't important. If you need permission to give or throw them away, you have it.

I'd second that a friend or relative would be grateful for a chance to help you and take them away. I know I would. It's a task someone can do to help you, which is all they will want.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

MikeandDave · 30/03/2022 20:36

Sorry to hear that OP can you donate them to a local church as they like to have flowers and would probably have some members who could help transport them.

isittheholidaysyet · 30/03/2022 20:36

Yes. I remember that.
Everyone who asked how they could help, was told to bring vases!

It's so tough. I don't usually have flowers.

Cocomarine · 30/03/2022 20:38

I second the advice to get someone else to come and deal with them.
A care home might love them, or a food bank - I collect from a supermarket for a local one, and people do like to take them.
Also perfectly OK to gather them up and put them in a garden waste bin, or other bin. You don’t have to think of something “good”.
Taking some photographs of them sounds like a lovely idea.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 30/03/2022 20:39

I agree with contacting a friend/family member and asking them to come and take them away. No one wants to have given a gift which has become a burden.

I’m very sorry for your loss but I won’t give you some virtual flowers as you already have enough . Take care.

Original poster

florali · 30/03/2022 20:39

I have kept very quiet and not spoken out about what has happened so never had an opportunity to say to make a donation to somewhere in lieu of flowers. I guess word just got around as more arrive everyday. It is lovely that people care and I understand the gesture it's just the amount of them I am finding overwhelming.

I thought it might look rude asking someone to take them but I'm glad to here it doesn't read that way to you all. I will have a chat with someone or put them in the garden if not. Thank you for the kind words.

OP posts:

Original poster

florali · 30/03/2022 20:40

Just seen the comment about a church, I will try that tomorrow. Thank you.

OP posts:

TooMuchBluey · 30/03/2022 20:42

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Like others have said, let someone else take care of this. You don't need to worry. Just let a close friend or relative know to help you

WindyKnickers · 30/03/2022 20:43

I had a similar problem. At one point I had about 12 bouquets in the house after my DB died. Having had that experience I would never send flowers again for any reason. Just having loads of dying bunches flowers on every surface was horrible.

Phone a friend and ask them to clear them all away, leaving just a couple of nice fresh ones. It doesn't matter if they go in the bin, they'll end up there sooner or later anyway.

Original poster

florali · 30/03/2022 20:48

Yes that's how I am feeling they are dying quicker than I can keep up with due to the sheer volume and it starts to feel like you're just surrounded by death. I wouldn't be sending flowers in future either.

OP posts:

blueplantpop · 30/03/2022 20:58

Am so sorry to hear what you are going through, it must be really tough. I had a similar experience when I was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, had so many flowers and I HATED them. Like you, I hated them dying as reminded me of my worse fear and also funerals. I started chucking them in the green bin and then asked a friend/neighbour if she’d like them all as she was happy to take them off my hands. It took me quite a few years to become happy to accept them again and now I am fine with having them given to me again.

Whiskeypowers · 30/03/2022 20:58

@Nomoreusernames1244

So sorry about your baby.

I remember the endless flowers too when a relative died young. People don’t think, they want to show they care and flowers are just easy.

Is there anyone who could quietly spread the word that no more flowers, and maybe suggest donations to a hospice, m/w unit or similar in lieu?

Don’t worry about upsetting anyone. But rope in a support person- friend, dh, your parents or in laws?

This is a good idea @florali sending love and very sorry for your loss

Bellringer · 30/03/2022 21:15

So sorry

Workinghardeveryday · 30/03/2022 21:42

I am so sorry for your loss xx

I agree, get someone else to sort, you don’t need this on top of what you are going through.

If nothing else put them in the bin! You really comfort, not this.

Knotaknitter · 31/03/2022 15:52

I am so sorry for your loss, please accept the sympathy of a stranger.

I've not been able to have flowers in the house since my husband died. Maybe one day I won't look at them and think of death but it's not today. It wasn't that I was ungreatful, they were lovely but I was overwhelmed, I ran out of jam jars, glasses and jugs.

I took photos of them as they came in, anyone who visited got a bouquet to take home with them (they could look around and see that they were doing me a massive favour) and the huge ones were well received by the local care home.

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