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What happend in my partners childhood.

17 replies

Morgysmum · 30/03/2022 14:45

My Oh, who is my sons father is hell bent on wanting to chuck out, some stuff from our sons room, as he is 15 and according to my Oh, still has baby stuff in his room. Not really, he has some small teddies, which he had in his moses basket. But that's it really. My son has a load of soft toys, so I am wondering if this is what my partner means.
I cannot bring myself to donate, these soft toys, as I see them and rember my son getting them and sleeping with them etc. My son doesn't want to part with them either. I think when he is older, he might decide to down size his collection, but I was 20, before I down sized my soft toys and that was because we moved house. I am now gutted, as I had a few original care bears, which probably would be may be worth something now, I don't recall donating them, so it was maybe something my parents did.
My question is, what happend to my partner, to make him so cold and heartless that he wants to get rid of a load of soft toys that have brought our son happiness, rather than leaving him, to come to the decision himself when older or off to uni.
My Oh, also isn't big on cuddles, he will not occasionally give me a cuddle. But he use to ask what was wrong with me, when I asked for one. I did once say to him, what's wrong with you, didn't your mother cuddle you enough, after he had said something, that I thought was cold.
I know men don't get in touch with there emotions, so much. But I don't get why he cannot let our son grow up in his own time. Not on his dad's time line.

OP posts:
Chikapu · 30/03/2022 14:53

I would think its unusual for a 15 year old boy and a 20 year old to have a soft toy collection too. I'm not a sentimental person, I rarely keep things as I don't assign meaning to them. Maybe your other half is the same, it doesn't mean he had some childhood trauma.

Babyroobs · 30/03/2022 14:56

Sorry but I think it's a bit unusual a 15 year old wanting to keep loads of soft toys. A couple of sentimental ones is understandable, my boys keep one of two ( although hidden out of site ! ). Can't you just put them in the loft or something ?
I don't necessarily think anything happened in your oh's childhood, all families are different. Some people are very demonstrative and hug everyone, people are just different.

GrunkleStan · 30/03/2022 15:33

My son is almost 17 and can't bear to get rid of any of them. Still sleeps with the Teddy he got as a baby. I've given up trying.

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MargaretThursday · 30/03/2022 15:38

I have a nearly 15yo boy who has a cupboard full of soft toy dogs. I suggested he gave them away recently to make space and he looked totally horrified.

Dh doesn't understand either, but accepts that they're important to him. That's what matters.
Nothing happened in dh's childhood to cause this, simply he doesn't see soft toys as something he finds important.

Makeitsoso · 30/03/2022 15:41

@Chikapu

I would think its unusual for a 15 year old boy and a 20 year old to have a soft toy collection too. I'm not a sentimental person, I rarely keep things as I don't assign meaning to them. Maybe your other half is the same, it doesn't mean he had some childhood trauma.
All the teenage boys I know have a (discretely hidden sometimes!) teddy. I don’t think it’s unusual at all, just not cool to tell anyone!
Littlepaws18 · 30/03/2022 15:45

There's a great Bluey episode called monkey jocks which is all about have by a toy clear out- honestly it's genius. Bluey has an answer for everything!

Googlecanthelpme · 30/03/2022 15:48

I think it’s unreasonable to try and force anyone to part with their personal possessions for no other reason than you not liking them.

Your DH is being wholly unreasonable.

It’s fair enough to ask “hey do you still like these toys, would you like me to help you declutter your room a little” but that’s as far as you should go.
If the answer is “no thank you” then that’s the end of the conversation.

Those toys are your sons, not your husbands and that’s your sons room, not your husbands.

No all in all, he’s being a twat by making such a big deal over something that has no effect on him nor is his business.

You’re right he does sound cold and you are saying the exact right thing to challenge him.
“I’m sorry if you weren’t allowed to choose to keep your sentimental childhood possessions but in this house for our son, he can decide as and when what to keep and what to donate. So we’ll hear no more about it thank you”

Trisolaris · 30/03/2022 15:49

Some people like to hold on to everything and others like to get rid asap. There isn’t something wrong with your partner because he is the second kind but equally he shouldn’t pressure your son.

TabithaTittlemouse · 30/03/2022 15:56

My dc dad was the same. It was one of the many things that made him a dick.

TabithaTittlemouse · 30/03/2022 15:57

Btw we kept the teddies and got rid of the now xh

irishfarmer · 30/03/2022 16:22

I don't think it's right or wrong to want to hold onto these sorts of things. I do think it's weird at you and DH have a say in what you DS keeps in his room at 15. I don't think my parents ventured into my room at that age!

Gazorpazorp · 30/03/2022 16:24

@Googlecanthelpme Is absolutely right. If his dad chucks them out, it’s only fair that DS gets to chuck out some of his things in return. Horrible behaviour.

takingmytimeonmyride · 30/03/2022 16:27

I have 5 boys. All of them still have their favourite soft toy from when they were a baby. My oldest is 23, youngest 14. I would never get rid of them. I still have a few of mine (including a care bear, I don't think it's worth that much)

My DP is 61 and still has a bear he got as a baby. I think it's lovely.

Xpologog · 30/03/2022 16:30

If your son wants to keep the toys, he wants to for a reason. Doesn’t matter what the reason is, they’re his and your DH shouldn’t override this and bin them. Could they go in the loft? Half of them in the loft? But really it’s the lad’s room, he should have what he wants in it.

Thinkingblonde · 30/03/2022 16:33

I never had a Teddy as a child, never wanted one. I recall a doll my big brother brought me from Spain when he was in the navy.. she was 3’ tall with black hair..until the back of her head disintegrated after I’d washed her hair…how was Into know she had a cardboard back to her head..oops.
I’m not a cuddler either, I hate this continental cheek kiss greeting. Lockdown was great for me…
However I know a lot of people love their Teddy’s, my grandkids, 11 and 6 p, adore them. My daughter threatened to have cull of teddy’s last year. kids were devastated for five minutes until granny here offered to foster some of them. The foster teds reside here in splendour, we do a Ted Respite exchange now and again so that the foster Teds s get to spend some time at home and the other Teds come to grannies for a holiday.

CallMeDaddy58 · 30/03/2022 17:56

My son is 3 months old. I have already sold anything he’s outgrown on Vinted. There isn’t anything wrong with me. I just don’t attach emotional value to objects. Im sure I’ll keep one special Teddy once he’s old enough to care about them but that’s it. If your 15 year old still has all his childhood teddies that’s because you’ve never had a cull.

blacksax · 30/03/2022 18:00

Your OH thinks that having teddies in his room means that your DS is going to catch the gay.

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