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Original poster

Teenager drama!

15 replies

ForAFriend123 · 30/03/2022 11:28

DS (16) is in Year 12.
His mental health has been wobbly for quite a long time although after counselling he seemed a bit happier.
He does have a tendency though to lock himself away and to me it seems he has very little social life or even many friends. 6th form hasn't really been the experience he was hoping for.

He works part time and one of his few interests is supporting our local football team, which we have always been happy with.

However an incident happened a few weeks ago and I'm struggling over the best way to handle it.
It appears that when "away" matches happen and he travels with his friends they all have a few beers on the train (I don't buy it for him).
Ive always said that he needs to be sensible and to be safe.

Last week he was travelling quite a distance and at about 9pm I got a call from one of the other Mum's to say his friends had lost him on the train and he was really drunk. They'd arrived at their connecting station and he was nowhere to be seen.
Obviously I went from zero to 1000 in a milli second and imagined all sorts!
His phone was also dead.

Transport police contacted, description of DS given and all I could was wait. Giving a description of your child to the police is something I never want to do again.

Half an hour later my phone rings and it's DS; completely bemused by all the fuss and catching the next train back

Absolutely livid. Had to apologise to police (who thankfully found it quite amusing) and when DS finally got home I banned him from going to anymore away games this season!

Anyway, he apologised profusely once he understood how worried I'd been and at wasting police time but is begging me to let him go to the next match (he bought ticket ages ago). Says he's learnt his lesson, won't drink again, that his life is terrible, he doesn't have anything else he's interested in etc etc.....

I am loathe to backtrack, but what he did was a silly mistake. Am I being overly harsh. Is there a compromise to be made?

Bloody teenagers!

OP posts:

Jongy · 30/03/2022 11:33

I would let him go but I would say that if he is found drinking any alcohol again then there will be consequences.

balzamico · 30/03/2022 11:36

I'd let him go as he seems to have learnt a lesson. Emphasise that it's conditional on not drinking and also studying in touch to reassure you,
Next time think about your sanctions before issuing them

20viona · 30/03/2022 11:36

I think you were a bit OTT. He will feel silly enough as it is.

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Hbh17 · 30/03/2022 11:37

Cut him some slack & just let him grow up. He's 16, so it all sounds completely normal to me.

gogohm · 30/03/2022 11:38

Let him go, let him prove he's learned his lesson. But remind him this is his last chance to prove he's responsible

mumonthehill · 30/03/2022 11:40

This is part of being a teenager!! I would talk to him and let him go on the understanding that he does not drink and keeps his phone charged. He has learnt his lesson.

NightmareSlashDelightful · 30/03/2022 11:42

I think you've got two things going on here

On the match, I agree with other PPs -- let him go, no drinking this time, make sure he stays in touch, phone charged, etc etc.

But it sounds like there's a deeper mental health wobble (as you say) ongoing, and he's experimenting self-medicating with alcohol, which obviously isn't forging a healthy relationship with it.

I wonder if there's a way he/you can tackle this without having to 'punish' so to speak

Comedycook · 30/03/2022 12:07

I think you're overreacting a bit. I think a talking to about being contactable at all times is all you need to do.

Anoisagusaris · 30/03/2022 12:09

Where was he all the time they couldn’t find him?

FartSock5000 · 30/03/2022 12:17

I'd sit him down for an honest talk and ask how he think he should be dealt with to learn a lesson here. Ask him to be truthful.

Tell him if you let him go to the game, he wont have had a consequence for the awful way he behaved and therefore no reason not to just go off drinking and being an arse again.

Let him offer a suitable consequence like take away games console etc them agree and let him go.

That way he is learning something from this but also gets his away game.

Justmuddlingalong · 30/03/2022 12:39

I'm sorry, but I'd give him a chance to prove he's learned a lesson. You say his mental health hasn't been great and going to the matches is one of a few interests he has. By banning him from going, I'd worry about him becoming more withdrawn. I wouldn't look at it as backtracking if you change your mind, but as an opportunity to explain you had a knee jerk reaction because of the stress and worry you felt.

Original poster

ForAFriend123 · 30/03/2022 18:39

Thank you. Yes I acknowledge I did overact in the heat of the moment. In my defence I was terrified - the police were asking me questions like "could he be part of a sex trafficking gang" and "is he involved in drugs?".
At that very moment I was never going to let him out of my sight again!

I do worry that the drinking may become a habit/crutch but as let PP that is a separate conversation.

I will reconsider and as has been suggested will have a talk with him. Hopefully he has learnt his lesson and have a bit more sense in future 🙄

OP posts:

Nishkin · 30/03/2022 18:46

You comment that he had few friends/ little social life and then decide to block the little he has- he made a mistake but seems to have handled it well as he made his way home without panicking

Greensleeves · 30/03/2022 18:51

It is a scary experience. Nobody wants to have to call the police because their child has gone AWOL, it's traumatic and I don't blame you for overreacting.

I think you need to take a more measured approach, though. He's 16, so he will have a few beers here and there, and be silly, and that's probably going to get worse before it gets better. He needs his friends - it sounds like he in particular really does need them, and the fun and freedom he has when he goes to the matches.

I would sit him down, explain that I overreacted because the situation he put me in was utterly horrible, and set some new boundaries for these excursions going forward. Mine would be:

no more than 2 beers on any one trip
he texts every couple of hours to let me know he is OK
he is ALWAYS contactable. If that means not dicking around on his phone to conserve battery, then he must do that. Buy him a decent portable charger.

moonbedazzled · 30/03/2022 18:52

First of all, I don't think you overreacted at all by ringing the police. He's 16 with mental earth problems, and you're given the information that he's drunk and disappeared. I'd be panicking too. So don't give yourself a hard time over that.

I'd definitely make it like look like he'd talked me round against my better judgement and let him go. Put a reluctant face on and say he's not to let you down again. You'll be a hero mother.

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