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Original poster

difficult relative wants to stay

15 replies

tryanotherone123 · 30/03/2022 11:13

DP and I live together in DPs house. It's a really happy home.

One of DPs relatives wants to stay here while we're on holiday. The relative is very problematic, I don't like being around them. Instinctively it's a no from me. The thought of them in my home when I'm not there makes me feel really uncomfortable.

DP is less bothered, because it's their relative, but completely understands how I feel and says they will tell the relative they can't stay even though that may cause other difficulties.

Problem solved?

On the other hand, family is important and I don't want to cause problems for DP. I don't want to be an arsehole. I think I would be able to handle my difficult feelings and deal with the situation so the relative can stay.

Should I?

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 30/03/2022 11:14

Why does this relative want to stay? Are you in a holiday or tourist area? Does this relative not already have a home to live in?

Dillydollydingdong · 30/03/2022 11:15

Just say no. I thought you were going to say do is happy to agree, but he's with you on this. No problem. Why on earth would the relative want to stay there while you're away, anyway?

CoffeeBeansGalore · 30/03/2022 11:18

This is your home. Doesn't matter what the relative wants. Their want doesn't trump your comfort in your own home.

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Families
EmergencyHydrangea · 30/03/2022 11:20

Do you not have a backbone?

Original poster
tryanotherone123 · 30/03/2022 12:23

Thanks everyone for the replies. I hope I've got a backbone :-) We'll see I guess.

The relative organised a trip to our area and then asked to stay at ours for part of it. It's convenient for them, would save them money, and they see it as being available as we are away then.

I don't feel obliged, they made their arrangements - it's their responsibility.

If it were my relative I would say no but then I wouldn't have anything to do with them anyway.

But it's not my relative and people deal with family stuff differently don't they. DP certainly does. DP would allow the relative to stay if it weren't for me.

I still think it's a no, but is it right that when it comes to DPs relative my feeling have more weight than other considerations. I don't want to take the piss.

OP posts:
burnthur5t · 30/03/2022 12:31

Say no, they sound like a CF anyway

Jongy · 30/03/2022 12:31

No.

What if they accidentally burn your house down.

Fairyliz · 30/03/2022 12:37

In what way are they problematic? If they have different political views to you or are say anti vaxers then that won’t affect you if you are away.
If on the other hand they are careless and likely to leave doors open or burn down your house then it would be a no from me.
As it’s DP’s house and his relatives I do think he has a greater say than you.

HollowTalk · 30/03/2022 12:40

I think you have every right to say no. It's your home. Your partner might own it but it's still your home while you two are together.

WetLookKnitwear · 30/03/2022 12:46

That’s asking a lot.

It’s ok to say no op.

I’ve found that people I say no to actually seem to respect me a bit more for having boundaries. You can say yes to everything and think that people like you for it, they don’t, they’re just reacting positively because they’ve got what they want.

UseOfWeapons · 30/03/2022 12:58

No, just no.
It’s their issue, a polite firm no is required. If they’re pissed off or pushy, even a bigger no. Why should their feelings have priority over yours, and your home?

LndnGrl · 30/03/2022 13:04

Say your home insurance doesn't allow it.

Grandville · 30/03/2022 15:32

It's DPs house but the house is also full of your stuff. I assume you don't want difficult relative poking though your things. TBH the thought of it would ruin my break anyway.

Original poster
tryanotherone123 · 30/03/2022 20:13

@Jongy

No.

What if they accidentally burn your house down.

Hadn't thought of that ... or worse maybe, they redecorate. Eek.
OP posts:
Original poster
tryanotherone123 · 30/03/2022 20:30

Thanks everyone. You're all saying really relevant things and no one seems to be saying I'm an arsehole (phew).

@Fairyliz it's not a difference of opinion which would be easier to deal with - just keep off the subject. It's a personality thing - I don't feel like they respect other people including me.

@burnthur5t I agree they're a CF but on the other hand families ask for favours and help each other out. I would never ask them for anything though.

@HollowTalk yes its our home DP is clear about that too thankfully. And it's a good home, it feels good, but it doesn't feel good when they're here even when we are.

@WetLookKnitwear and @UseOfWeapons completely agree with you on boundaries and that it's their issue. I'm usually good at this with my own family.

@LndnGrl I never thought of that. And might be handy to have an excuse.

@Grandville I don't know if they would do that but it would be yuck. I do feel like they would be poking through my life.

I think it's going to have to be a no, as long as DP is sure, and I will have do deal with any awkwardness that may come as a result.

Thanks again.

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