Lost as a SAHM / housewife

[Namechange04]

NC for this.

As per the title I'm feeling a bit lost as a SAHM and housewife.

I've been at home for getting on for 20 years now I'm early 40s. I have a large family including a severely disabled child.

Before I had my children I was a newly married housewife and have up my job when we got married to set up home etc. I also volunteered at church things etc.

All my children are at school now youngest just started reception and I'm feeling totally lost. I'm so used to having a child at home and now it's just me.and I don't know where to start. I thought I would spend this time sorting the house out and volunteering etc but all my confidence seems to have gone.

I feel like I've got stretches of time ahead of me each day and no idea how to fill it. When I had a child at home I felt validated and that gave me a reason to be at home..but now what. I feel like I spend my days clearing up after the morning school rush etc then put some washing on, do the dishes, prepare dinner etc and then it's time for pickup. Thrilling right??!!

Dare I say it I'm lonely and bored. Alot of.my time is spent in meetings or admin for my disabled child. I know I'm incredibly privileged that I don't have to work and my husband doesn't want me to work yet as we both feel it would be too much pressure. Plus how do I fit in a job with all my.childs medical needs? We are very lucky my husband is a high earner so no need for me to work.

I thought about volunteering but again my confidence has gone and it would be pressure to be somewhere and look presentable etc.

I don't even know what I'm looking for writing this tbh. A routine maybe?

If you are a housewife how do you fill your days and feel validated?

Get back into your volunteering big time- I know you say you’ve lost your confidence but the longer you leave it the worse I think it’ll be! So fake it til you make it & jump right back in. You could look at a part time job role - it might be daunting but the commitment will mean you have to turn up and in the long run I think it will do you the power of good. Xxx

You haven't mentioned a hobby. A day class in something creative?

I would start small OP. Volunteer for something one morning or one day a week. It doesn't matter what, but hopefully it will help you get your confidence back. I suspect that although you've been out of the workplace for 20 years, it will all come back to you very quickly and a lot of those skills you have as a parent and as an advocate for your disabled DC will stand you in great stead for working again.

In terms of the other days, I'd look at what is available in your local area and what interests you. I've been a SAHP for 14 years and my DC have been at school for some years now. I do some form of exercise most days, a running group, a class I enjoy, walking/cycling/running with a friend, meeting for coffee, helping out at DC's school, studying something I've always been interested in. It's very rare that I feel lonely or bored, but I remember when my youngest started school I did wonder initially how I'd fill my days.

Have you got friends and extended family op? If so you could see them more now your child free in the day. Could you focus on something like getting fit,joining a gym etc? DIY, gardening, whatever floats your boat just do it!

This is the time to find something for you.
You have given a huge amount to your family.
Walk and coffee with a friend?
Yoga class?
Swim?
Take up a craft?
Write a short story?

Volunteering would be a great option for you- if you are advocating and attending meetings for a severely disabled child you absolutely have the skills. My first thought is whether you could volunteer for a charity supporting parents who are going through the same as your experience would be so valuable there.