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Did I over react?

6 replies

daisybrown37 · 30/03/2022 09:11

My son is Year 7 and has ASD/ADHD. He normally walks part way home and then I meet him. We always confirm if he has a club after school and he didn’t mention anything in the morning. He did not arrive at the meet up point at the normal time yesterday, so I drove up to the school along the route he walks and no sign.

I rang the school to ask if he was still there and mentioned an after school club that he had been to before (but had not mentioned going to again) but I was told that he has definitely left school on time, that they had looked everywhere and then told he was seen by a teacher in a park next to school and they were 100% sure it was him. He is not there and I did say it would be hugely out of character, given he is anxious about walking home alone, hence why I meet him.

He rings me at 4.30 coming out of the school club, so was there the whole time. School also ring to confirm they had him.

Now I am wondering if I panicked too soon, I thought ringing school to confirm he was there was sensible. I mentioned this club as a possibility twice but was told he was not at school. Should I have waited until 4.30pm to call, did I unnecessarily panic the school? I was fine until they told me he was definitely not there!

I have told him he needs to let me know if he is staying late. His Head of Year has said he can also switch his phone on after school to let me know if plans change, so hopefully this won’t happen again.

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Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 30/03/2022 09:15

My daughter with ASD is in year 8 and I've only just started staying calm about such happenings. It's happened a couple of times and I did internally freak out. The things is, you know your son and only you know how out of character this is. I don't think you overreacted to call the school and their response made it worse. I am surprised that they didn't investigate to confirm that he's there considering his ASD status.
I'm sorry you had this situation. But don't worry, you weren't unreasonable.

daisybrown37 · 30/03/2022 09:19

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea

My daughter with ASD is in year 8 and I've only just started staying calm about such happenings. It's happened a couple of times and I did internally freak out. The things is, you know your son and only you know how out of character this is. I don't think you overreacted to call the school and their response made it worse. I am surprised that they didn't investigate to confirm that he's there considering his ASD status. I'm sorry you had this situation. But don't worry, you weren't unreasonable.
Thank you for this.

They did investigate, which is what made it worse. They rang his friends and checked the school - this was over a course of 40 minutes. They were clear he was not on site and talked about me calling the police. All the time he was happily drumming away on steel drums in the music Classroom!

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EekGoesTheBaby · 30/03/2022 09:22

Even though there was a miscommunication between you and DS, I think it was reasonable to call at the time you did. He was at school, so the school should have been able to confirm that. Any "panic" on their side was because they didn't know he was there.

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dollydimple123 · 30/03/2022 11:15

I think it's a normal reaction Smile

SeasonFinale · 30/03/2022 11:17

At Ds's school they check in and out with fingerprint technology. Had he perhaps signed out of school and that is why they assumed he wasn't there?

daisybrown37 · 30/03/2022 12:10

@SeasonFinale

At Ds's school they check in and out with fingerprint technology. Had he perhaps signed out of school and that is why they assumed he wasn't there?
No such technology unfortunately. If they had, he would never remember to sign in or out anyway!
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