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Original poster

alcoholism

3 replies

lillabnoc · 30/03/2022 08:28

My sister -in law is an alcoholic. It has been going on for over 10 years. My brother is at the end of his tether as she won't seek help and doesn't recognise she has a problem. We are sworn to secrecy. Their children are now over, 19, 18 & 14 and the older 2 at uni, the younger gone to boarding school to keep him safe. I want to support my brother and we think by opening up to family and friends this may be the first stage for him. My sister-in-law, who I love and is a great person (aside from the alcoholism) ended up in hospital last week as it got so bad. We think he probably has to move out with the kids for his own sanity. Any advice greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

Xpologog · 30/03/2022 08:40

I’d suggest you or your brother contact Al Anon, which supports the families of alcoholics.
If your SIL won’t help herself by taking on board medical advice, joining AA, going into rehab etc… then there’s nothing anyone can do to make her stop drinking. By keeping the secret hidden her husband is enabling her to drink. ( I’ve been there, did not realise I was an enabler until it was explained to me. However, I withdrew all my enabling and he became threatening, violent and I had to move out/ disappear very quickly)
Start with Al Anon would be my advice.

pointythings · 30/03/2022 08:50

I agree, your brother should seek help for himself so he can learn to stop enabling. He needs to put the children first, and if that means ending the marriage he has to accept that. (Been there, did that)

lobster33 · 01/05/2022 11:31

Yes I totally agree that your brother should seek help and support. My wife, who I loved very dearly recently passed away due to chronic alcoholism and I watched her struggle with alcoholism for many years (I am sorry this may not be what you want to hear). She underwent detox's on four occasions, however the addiction was too much for her. I watched a bright, intelligent and lovely woman fade away over a number of years.
I sort counselling a long time ago and was told that there was little I could do and that my wife was the only one who could stop the drinking. I was advised to look after myself and the children who were fairly young at the time..
I fully sympathise with your brother but he and his children are the ones who need support.

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