What did everyone do before they had children?

[Bella3456]

I had my son quite young gave birth at 23 (just turned) and my life before was a far cry from parenthood! I was a lapdancer and worked all over England even did some modelling before realising I was having my son. I lived the wild life. Obviously totally changed having my son have a regular job in a supermarket and can still do the school run luckily! I like my life as exhausting as it is I really do! But its such a far cry from the life I had in my late teens/ very early 20s! Did anyone else have a totally different lifestyle/ lifechoice before kids? Do you miss it? I miss my old life a lot but wouldn't trade it in for the world! I'm nearing 30 now and it all seems like a lifetime away almost like that life never even existed!

@SlappingPeopleAtTheOscars wow that really is the wild life! And yes I really do think like that, I really do miss my confidence more than anything I miss how hapoy I was and how confident I was flirting with all the men on nights out e.t.c knowing they couldn't hurt me because I was never 'attached' to them. And even if I did get attached I would soon be on a night out and have forgotten about them I miss the makeup the faketan the giggling I really do miss all of that. I really wouldn't change a thing now though just different things to enjoy

I left it until my late 30s to have kids, I was self employed from 19, bought my first house aged 20 and went to lots of gigs and rock music venues.
Met dh in my early 30s and over the next few years the appeal of late nights and drinking wore off and was replaced by a love of weekends away in our caravan and so I don't feel like I had to sacrifice anything by having kids.

What a twat. Fortunately when I was merrily overlapping boyfriends (always good to have a spare) there was no social media.

@Bella3456 I guess one way to look at it is that you are still the woman who did all that so no need to not feel confident?

Also yeah I wasn't nervous but looking back I bloody should have been! I was foolhardy more than anything and lucky I guess. That kind of way of living, what you did and what I did, isn't sustainable long term. For a lot of people it isn't sustainable short term.

(But it can be fun at the time!)

I was 24 when I was pregnant with my son so similar age. I'd graduated 2 years before and was working in a job I loved and had just got married to dh and bought a house. So my life was very different but also I think despite being relatively young I was sort of ready for it? Well, I thought I was. spoiler I wasn't

Eg when it all ground to a halt for me in Panama it was because I was with these guys and one of them had an uncle with a house there that he decided he was going to reclaim so we hitched through guerilla country (fucking stupid) pumped our way through jungle on a single track railroad with one of those up and down wooden handle train carriage things (fucking stupid) equipped only with rucksacks full of tequila and cocaine "for energy" (REALLY fucking stupid). Ofc when we got there the place was a wreck and everyone was dead and I went out of my fucking mind climbing trees and shouting. I had a job but I'd gone AWOL and my employer shipped me and my apartment contents back to London tout suite so a couple of days later I was in Heathrow wondering what the fuck I do next with my life.

So yeah I guess confident but also extremely fucking stupid. If you were living an extreme lifestyle prior to parenthood the same probably applies.

I went to Cambridge university from the local comprehensive had a great time there, lots of parties and lovely place and enjoyed studying, a completely different world full of people of very wealthy families in my college so was quite an eye opener in to how the other half lived. Then worked in London, I was super sensible renting a room until I could buy a flat after a year (house prices were much cheaper then £40k for a zone 2 Victorian flat needing complete renovation) took in flatmates so could pay mortgage which was great, had some lovely female ones. First job in publishing I hated it but then joined a political party and that was fascinating with all the MPs / Cabinet Ministers / PM and so many parties, meeting the Queen at an event she invited me to, party at No 10, parties with very important people just champagne and canapes and fancy dinners but having to avoid the dodgy men. Moved onto to finance jobs and continued parties with friends and being involved. Then met husband at 26 or so, he stopped my parties / political involvement but we went out a lot ourselves and got married a year later and lots of lovely holidays travelling the world started. Then he wanted kids so started trying, difficult as needed IVF and took 3 years but got there in the end. I worked in a job I loved but had to change to a more dull one to get proper maternity leave, it was well paid and fairly interesting but I missed my old life.

Do I miss it? Well I have cancer now so yes would prefer to be in a cancer free part but would not be without kids even when they are being difficult. It was also a very frantic pace of life which I loved at the time but need it a bit slower now late 40s. I mainly miss my life when kids were at primary, was working in City doing a fascinating job and going to David Lloyd with kids after school, fit and healthy, lots of friends, looking great and kids were a lovely age and lots of lovely holidays. But before cancer I never really looked back, always forward.

Really interesting thread!

I had my child recently aged 39 through IVF with a sperm donor.

I wasn't a "career woman" I just made poor relationship decisions which resulted in wasting A LOT of time. I'm extremely lucky to have my son.

Life before him especially after my mid 30s was anxiety -ridden, monotonous, directionless. My 30s were starting to feel like a repeat of my 20s. I was very bored. I needed a completely different dimension in my life. I love looking after him! It's amazing, it's the most creative, original thing I've done in my life! So far no regrets even though there have been tough moments as I'm doing this alone, but I've been managing well overall!

My 20s were filled with romances and going out and making bad decisions and having fun and having not a care in the world.

Now
Uh.
. Not so much haha

I can't remember ! 🙄🙈

Had my son at 30. Prior to that was literally going out, clubbing, pub quizzes, going to local every Friday after work, all day drinking on a Saturday, sleeping all day on a Sunday. I used to be able to go to the gym, afford holidays abroad and not use my annual Leave up purely for school holidays!

I was a slave to a full time NHS job, being told when I was working.
Much better now.

I left my parents place at 18 and just moved around. I dont think I stayed in the same house for more than 9 months although some of the moves were just to other parts of the city. Some moves were cross country, some moves were international. I spent years moving around a lot- studying and working abroad or just travelling. I only settled down beccause of my son. Ive niw lived in the same house for 5 years and was just thinking that other day that now I have somewhere where I really feel at home. I miss the travelling and unfortunately DS suffers from travel sickness so we dont travel much but I wouldnt swap my current life for my old life.

Went away quite a few weekends a year for DH's 'outing hobby'.

I lived an unconventional and very much ' live for the moment' life.
I'm happy with my past and my present overall.

This is a fun thread. We were reminiscing about wandering out of the KitKatClub in Berlin and getting a kebab as the rest of the world walked by on their commute when our toddler was kicking us in the head at 7am the other day.

Also used to have to frequently pop into a station Oliver Bonas to buy a new dress on the way to work then sneak into the work toilets to change and do my make up because I hadn't made it home.

Glory days.

So much.

Lived abroad in a fantastic city. Ran an events company. Had five books published. Worked as a journalist. Had amazing friends.

I miss it.

Always really focused on my career but played hard at the same time so lots of boozy nights out, exceptionally active (ran/cycled 7 days a week) and did city breaks a lot more.

I wouldn’t change my life now for the world, whilst it’s hard and it’s different I feel so settled and happy

Had a semblance of a career....still, wouldn't change DD for the world, but I didn't plan very well, before or afterwards.

Drank coffee while it was hot and did 2 loads of washing a week instead of 2 a day.

Seriously, I just worked a normal job albeit it was 12 hour shifts. Met my husband, went on holidays/weekend breaks. Drank alot of wine. Went out for lunches/dinner. Bought clothes and shoes. The usual.

Now my days are non stop with 3 kids and although there are hard moments I wouldn't go back. I feel like I was supposed to be a mum. I still feel young to have 3 kids, i've just turned 30 so I feel as though I was only a "grown up" for a little while before we met and I met dh in 2010 which seems like worlds away now. I'll have plenty of time to do stuff for myself once they are grown and i'll still be young enough. Hopefully.

Nothing much.

I had ds at 22. I’d just done dead end office temp jobs until then.

My life started when I had ds.

ex Dh got a job which took him all over the world and me and ds travelled meeting him places along the way. By the time ds was 7, we had backpacked the world together. We had an amazing time when he was little.

Still didn’t stop the people i’d known from school telling me i’d wasted my life by marrying and having a child early - work that one out!

I was a PA to a team of directors at a recruitment company in London. It prepared me well for a life of toddler tantrums 😂

I went to a top university from a small town very ordinary upbringing and mixed with all sorts from aristocracy to kids from very desolate backgrounds there on scholarships.

Sounds really cheesy but I 'found' myself there and it opened my eye and my mind to so many new things. I loved learning so studied reasonably hard and I adored being in the company of other really bright, full of energy people.

I completed my degree and then spent a further 4 years in post grad studies. Started a career in the arts and has a lot of fun - a real blurring of boundaries between work and play.

Had a series of incredible, exotic romances with men from other countries in my 20's and travelled a LOT. Had my heart really broken which was awful.

I met my now dh when I was 29 and we had a lot of fun travelling and I moved 300km to be with him so we set up a home. I discovered the joy of combining partying with cozy loved up slow weekends.

We got married when I was 33 and I had dc at 35. I was ready for it then and totally embraced it. I had a very well established career and was working at a national level of recognition in my field but I took 5 years out to be at home and never regretted a minute of it. Dh's work involves travel and we accompanied him sometimes being away for 6 months at a time. We saw a lot of the world & spent a lot of time together as a family.

I went back to work part time when dc went to school and have worked since then. We have teens now and live has opened up in new directions again as we have more freedom.

I am working in a really senior position and love it. We still travel a lot and teen comes with us. We have really good friends and have a healthy social life.

I don't miss pre-children life and would not change any of my experiences but I am very glad I had them and that I had my dc when I did. It worked for me.

Wow so many comments! Can't believe it! @silkierabbit im so so sorry to hear that. Me and my son send all our love xx

That's very much Bella