Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Over-generous thank you

26 replies

User280905 · 27/03/2022 20:41

I drove ds age 16 and his friend somewhere yesterday. 5 miles each way, friend walked to our house then walked home from our house so I wasn't inconvenienced in any way, ds was going anyway.

His mum today dropped me off a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates, a bunch of flowers and a card with petrol money of £20. We drive an electric car, it probably cost me 75p round trip.

I share lifts with people all the time and never give thank you gifts. I'm really quite embarrassed by her generosity.

Is this slightly weird? Or am I weird for not thinking sharing a lift is a big deal? I guess I'm part of a group where we all share around so I assume it all evens out in the end.

I feel really bad about the £20 but there's not much I can do now. I might give it to ds to buy them all popcorn with next time they go to the cinema.

OP posts:

Fandangoes · 27/03/2022 20:42

I’m with you - I do things like that all the time and never expect a gift and have never given a gift when other parents have done the same for my kids!

HumunaHey · 27/03/2022 20:44

What did you say ehen she gave it to you?

SouthOfFrance · 27/03/2022 20:44

Yeah probably over the top, but perhaps she rarely shares lifts and you really helped her with her day. Got to be better than not thanking you at all!

MrsHugget · 27/03/2022 20:50

I say you can be effusive in your thanks - it may have meant more to her than you know. Or she's lining you up to do all future taxiing and well await your "AIBU re lifts " CF story. Hopefully it's the former

Original poster

User280905 · 27/03/2022 20:55

What did you say ehen she gave it to you?

Well I said thank you when she gave me the flowers. Then thanks when she pulled the wine out of her bag, then I just stood there when she then pulled out the chocolates, and them the card. It was just a bit weird. Then as she left I said thanks again, that is very generous, it was no trouble, happy to do it any time.

But @SouthOfFrance is probably right, whenni think back she doesn't really share lifts very often so maybe it was a big deal for her.

But now I think I'd never ask her in case she expects this level of thank you, and I'd be so embarrassed if she turned up with all these gifts if i gave her ds a lift again.

We're drinking the wine now and it's very nice. 😀

OP posts:

WimpoleHat · 27/03/2022 21:01

You obviously did her a huge favour. I’d send a text saying “Just enjoying the lovely wine - very kind of you. Honestly no problem to give your DS a lift though; always happy to take him along with DS if I’m driving.” And that way she feels able to ask and you’ve acknowledged the gesture.

NeedleNoodle3 · 27/03/2022 21:07

You were probably really helped her out, You both sound nice people.

Hunderland · 27/03/2022 21:10

And yes, I'd give your DS the money next time so if they go to the cinema for example, he can buy both tickets.

£20 for a non electric car would be loads too!

Just1moreq · 27/03/2022 21:10

Sounds like she was grateful. Just say thank you

JimMorrisonsleathertrousers · 27/03/2022 21:15

I don't drive so have done similar in the past when friends have helped me out!

Very thoughtful of her. Good idea to use the money as a cinema snack fund.

AlJalilia · 27/03/2022 21:19

Oh God, I’m like this . Completely over-the-top generous. I’m not proud of it and don’t know why I do it.

Original poster

User280905 · 27/03/2022 21:20

I don't drive so have done similar in the past when friends have helped me out

That's very nice of you but honestly any one of those things would be enough. All 4 was just embarrassing.

We drive someone else's kid to football training every single week becaise she doesnt drive and she gives us a nice bottle of fizz at the end of every term. And I know she appreciates it, that's enough.

I’d send a text saying “Just enjoying the lovely wine - very kind of you. Honestly no problem to give your DS a lift though; always happy to take him along with DS if I’m driving.”

I did this, that was a good idea.

OP posts:

legoouch · 27/03/2022 21:33

I wonder if it shows the kind of care she’s used to in relationships - maybe she doesn’t have much experience of people being nice for no reason other than they’re happy to be?

mjf981 · 27/03/2022 21:38

I hope the giver isn’t on mumsnet. She will feel mighty embarrassed after going to so much effort to be kind!

Whatinthelord · 27/03/2022 21:39

I agree it seems over the top.
Like you say one thing would be nice, but all together is a bit much.

I’d maybe text to thank her for the chocolate and tell her “ as my car is electric the cost of the journey is almost nothing, so I’ll let the boys have it to buy x with”.

To be honest I’d avoid doing things for her in the future if it were me. I hate the awkwardness of being over thanked.

SpeckledlyHen · 27/03/2022 21:39

This is the type of thing I would do. I suppose just really grateful for someone helping me out. Whilst a bit OTT, its a much nicer story than all the usual CF's out there though.

VyeBrator · 27/03/2022 21:43

That would make me feel very uncomfortable. As you say, one of those things would be fine but all of them is way OTT.

Summerfun54321 · 27/03/2022 21:43

Don’t be embarrassed, just say thanks but really not necessary next time. She’s probably a bit socially unaware and compensates by being OTT rather than risk judging it wrong and being rude.

kitkatsky · 27/03/2022 21:44

Well, I don't drive so would've found this a massive favour! In your position I think I would've said, "not necessary, your turn next time!"

HellToTheNope · 27/03/2022 21:47

It's over the top, but my immediate thought is that she doesn't have many people in her life that do nice things for her. I'd bet she's a very nice person.

Thereisnolight · 27/03/2022 21:50

@legoouch

I wonder if it shows the kind of care she’s used to in relationships - maybe she doesn’t have much experience of people being nice for no reason other than they’re happy to be?

I think this is correct. Or maybe she’s been burned in the past by people who turned cold or nasty when she DIDN’T get all effusive about a favour.

Thereisnolight · 27/03/2022 21:51

@VyeBrator

That would make me feel very uncomfortable. As you say, one of those things would be fine but all of them is way OTT.

And this sort of comment just shows what anyone nice is up against.

RJnomore1 · 27/03/2022 21:52

Some of us hate asking for help and really want to show we appreciate it when we do and people respond. I agree give them boys the money. And the text you sent was perfect.

Peachtoiletpaper · 27/03/2022 21:53

I don't have kids but don't drive and depending where you are, even some short distances can be a real pain depending on transport links (round here, some towns or villages 10-15 miles away could take 2-3 hours).so you may have helped out more than you realise. She has been extremely generous though! Not saying you should necessarily do so but if you're not comfortable accepting the money, you could let her know you're putting it in an envelope for your son to give hers to return it, given that the trip cost nothing like £20. Otherwise, it's a nice idea to give it them for snacks etc.

Original poster

User280905 · 27/03/2022 22:16

I hope the giver isn’t on mumsnet. She will feel mighty embarrassed

I didn't want to discuss with anyone irl in case it embarrassed her so I turned to an anonymous Internet forum. But you're right, nothing is anonymous.

So if you're on here, thank you so much for all your generous gifts but it really was way too much, I was going anyway and your ds was a pleasure. Really polite and chatty.

I'm happy to give lifts any time, my daily life would crumble without sharing lifts and childcare favours with other people so maybe I do take it all for granted a bit. Please ask me any time at all, I honestly don't mind. (And the wine was really nice)

OP posts:

Flip

1 2