My ghostee friend is back. Wwyd?

[Reluctantadult]

What do you guys think to this then. I had a 'best friend' about 17yrs ago . She ghosted me once as it's called now, about 10yrs ago. Then came back into my life said she'd been in an abusive relationship. We were close again. I was her bridesmaid. She was mine. Unfortunately her marriage didn't work out and she separated. About a year after she ghosted me again. I was very worried. Eventually I found out from her mum she was OK, she'd moved to London, got a career, got a new fella. I blocked her on everything. She's just randomly messaged me yesterday asking if I'll accept an olive branch. Now I think that sensibly, I should tell her where to go. But emotionally I can't help feeling yey, it's my friend! So wwyd?

@Partyatnumber10

I'd accept, become on good terms with her again (because it's nice to keep in touch and know that people are doing well) but I wouldn't go any deeper than acquaintances now. You know she ditched you when something better comes along. Don't develop a deep friendship or confide in her because she'll only hurt you again.

It probably says a lot about me, that when I started reading your post, I was convinced that you were going to follow I'd accept, become on good terms with her again (because it's nice to keep in touch and know that people are doing well) with then I’d ghost her

@TheRealMrsMac

Am I the only one who thought this was going to be a woo thread? disappointed

Ah ha ha, sorry!!!

It's ok, OP! And in answer to your question, I would maintain the friendship and stay on good terms for old time's sake, but also readjust my expectations and view of the friendship. Going forward, I think you need to be realistic as it will possibly happen again and again. Remember that, consider how much effort you are willing to put in in future in the light of it, and you are less likely to get hurt.

It sounds like she has really been through the mill with an abusive relationship and marriage breakdown. I would understand the less-than-ideal friend behaviour in the light of that!

I think the old MN maxim of 'only give as much as you can afford to give, emotionally speaking' is a good one. If you do accept her olive branch and resume your friendship, and she ghosts you again, how will it affect you?

Well if she has mental health issues, and abuse issues, I'd let her off. I mean that. It doesn't hurt me if people ghost me, I have many friends, and if a person is going through a hard time and ghost for whatever reason, I let them get on with it. If they were mean or abusive to me that’s a whole other issue but if the crime is just going into themselves and not contacting me, well I just take no issue with it personally.

I'm happy to have good people in my life. I'm not happy to have users, neggers, hangers on, sponges, or abusers in my life, but ghosters? Come on in, stay as long as you like, leave as long as you like.
I don't know, it just doesn't bother me. I have plenty to get on with whilst they're figuring themselves out. I assume it's related to them feeling guilty and not wanting to be a burden on me, and honestly I appreciate that.

crispmidnightpeace it does hurt though. I had a very close friend who has ghosted me. It left me feeling so confused, questioning if I'd said or done something wrong, wondering if the friendship actually meant anything to them at all. She could have just sent me a text saying 'I'm having a really difficult time at the moment, need to focus on myself, nothing personal' and moved on. Takes 2 mins to do. To just drop someone, ignore them, blank them. It's just cruel.

Sorry I disagree crispmidnightpeace yes, she might have some mental health problems but does that mean the OP has to drop everything when the friend decides she wants contact? The OP has to consider her own mental health as well, yes the friend might have had problems but it's not an excuse to treat someone like shit.