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Conflicted about funeral

1 reply

Movinghouseatlast · 27/03/2022 16:13

My old neighbour who I was quite friendly with died recently. She was only 53 and had had cancer for over 10 years. We used to feed others cats when we were away and sometimes had coffee together, We always saw each other at neighbour Christmas parties and barbeques. I am struggling to describe our friendship and feel a bit mean to say this but we weren't really that close friends. She cared for my cats so brilliantly and I did for hers too. She was a lovely person and I feel really sad she has died, it's such a waste. She effectively lost the last 10 years of her life as she was constantly having treatment.

I moved 6 hours away three years ago, and We have sent the occasional text in that time but not really stayed in touch, although I knew she was upset we had moved and said she worldwide us. It's her funeral and as my partner and I can't both go because we can't get cover for our business on the day of the funeral I said I would go on my own. We were also meant to be going on holiday but changed the dates so I could go and then stay up a few days afterwards.

It was then announced last week that they are livestreaming the funeral. I decided I would rather give my travel costs (which will be £150 train fare) to her chosen charity and watch it with my partner rather then he watch it alone.

I have told my very good friends who were also ex neighbours that I'm not going and they have ignored my messages. I'm now really worried that they are annoyed and I've done the wrong thing by saying I'm not going. The family have sent a round robin email saying they understand totally that some people can't go which is why livestreaming it. I'm feeling rubbish about it. I want to say something to my friends but don't know what.

OP posts:
sweetbellyhigh · 27/03/2022 16:21

It's fine not to go and what anyone else thinks is their problem, not yours.

OK it feels like yours and admittedly they may have opinions about what you should or shouldn't do but that is not something you can control.

Your decision is fine and frankly it would be pretty shallow to go just to curry favour with ex-neighbours.

However you do need to accept that they may see things differently, they are much closer to the loss and may be feeling a bit raw.

Dying at 53 after 10yrs of illness is bloody awful, lots of Aeneas for lots of people.

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