Help me sort my life out!!!

[PlsTryAnother]

I'm mainly starting this thread to hold myself accountable but any (kind because I really hate myself atm) advice is much appreciated. Apologies if its long.

I'm a FT carer for disabled DS (17) who is on a FT college course but can not currently be left alone outside of that.

I'm finding life really lonely and....Well, boring tbh. I'm literally a stay at home mum for a child who isn't here most of the time. I can't work as "child care" either doesn't exist or costs a lot more that I could earn.

I plan my days to ensure all the housework is done and cooking etc, but still find myself spending huge amounts of time playing shitty games on my phone or online poker (I know that's an issue - hence trying to deal with it!).

Probably much more that I've missed but what can I do?!? I read a lot, recently started diamond painting, which u really enjoy, but always seem to find myself in the same position! Need to sort my shit out Iknow, but feel massively stuck in this rut!

That's probably doesn't even make sense. But at least I've said it.

Why can't you work a bit while ds is out at college? Any courses or things you can do?

You need to create a bit of a life for yourself and mix with other people.

I did work PT until 4 years ago when I split up with XH. My employers were amazing but I couldn't manage school holidays and illness. If I can fins a job with 12 weeks holiday a year I'd be laughing!

I have a profoundly disabled 22 year old. The only way I managed to work at all when they were younger was by working in the local SEN school they attended. Could you try volunteering at your local SEN school? You can usually progress to supply TA very quickly.
Although as you say your son is 17, have you any ideas what will happen once he leaves college?

Can you start going to the gym? Yoga or swimming? Something to get you out and being active?

If you are at home in the day you need to plan your social life during the day. Try to find out what is going on in the day near you. Or start your own meetup group (google it) for people who have free time during the day.

If you want a job - TA would appear to be a job that suits you. Or if you are very lucky some sort of zero hours contract that lets you not work in the school hols ( a friend has one of these). My local council theoretically had term time only contracts though I never met anyone who had one.

If you want to work, the go to your local council, they will almost certainly have some sort of 'into work' scheme for people like you and many of these will provide funding for courses (such as a Teaching Asst qualification) that will help you get into work.

That sounds really hard. Could you do a college course yourself?

Or is there any jobs you could do term time? School office, lunchtime supervisor, working in a term time nursery? Or something like dog walking, is this something you could do with DS even during holidays? Cleaning could be quite flexible working for yourself, I often see wanted ads for cleaners on local Facebook groups.

What’s the plan for DC once they’re 18? Residential college, supported housing? If so, you can think to longer term solutions like work or requalifying.

In the meantime, volunteering? Most charities are desperate for volunteers who can give Feb just a couple of hours in the middle of the day once or twice a week. It doesn’t have to be the old stereotype of working in a charity shop: lots of small projects need administrators or activity workers or even something as simple as a volunteer to make the tea and have a chat with attendees at a weekly coffee morning - I did this for an Alzheimer’s Society ‘dementia cafe’ and it was very rewarding.

I think the best way to tackle this is by planning ahead for the years to come. What's the plan for your son's future? He's on the cusp of adulthood. Do you have a plan for where he'll live and what care package he will have? If you start from that and move backwards, you might be able to find PT work that will ease you both towards that transition

Just to make myself a bit more annoying I have no transport and live in the arse end of nowhere! DS travels over an hour on school transport to get to the nearest SN school. Hes 6th form, not actually college. Hes got another 2 years after this and then hopefully on to the mainstream college and I will have a bit more freedom.

Thanks for the ideas. I'll look into groups and activities during the day. I know I need to exercise too, but I'm so unmotivated for it. Need to push myself I know.

Oh! Volunteering is a good idea. It'd be nice to feel useful. And yes, hopefully I can find something that DS can get involved in too.

If you know you need and would like to exercise, what sort of exercise do you think would be motivating? It doesn’t have to mean just going to the gym in your own - classes like yoga, Pilates or aerobics are a gentle ease into getting fitter and also a good way to socialise, I’ve yet to attend a yoga class where there wasn’t also a coffee meet attached afterwards.

I'm just looking at classes near me, @ComtesseDeSpair. There are a couple of yoga and a pirates that might be doable. Terrified of going on my own, but I guess it will be worth it.

You're all being so nice. Thank you. Really helpful.

Maybe for the time when you are playing poker you could do something more constructive online such as learning a language in Duolingo?

What about further education for yourself? lots do online now.
Something to build on for the future

One more think - stop the online poker. Delete the apps, get yourself blocked from the sites and look into gambling addiction. Even if you are not addicted now, it is very destructive and a complete waste of money. Better to play candy crush for hours than to spend 20p on the gambling sites.

Do you have any skills or qualifications? There are jobs that can be done from home like craft-Etsy or coding or graphic design or website building