What are the sayings you say to people when they are going through a tough time

[Coteeee]

Recently had an upset and had someone say the simplest sweetest thing to me. Which was 'wave those thoughts away from your head, and anytime they come up imagine Im the angel on your shoulder batting them off'
Im not one for saying things like this too loved ones who are upset. i go down the practical route of whats the problem how do we sort it.

But do you know what....what was said to me, worked. Not had this before.

I want to beable to do the same for others...

So what do you say to the people you care about when they are having a tough time??

Love that ❤️

A friend of mine has recently been very down with struggles TTC for the last 2 years. I find it so hard to know what to say as I can't say I understand or that it will be fine as I don't know. She's been very down on herself recently and blames herself. The other day I text her and said 'chin up and straighten up that crown, you are amazing and that's why we all love you' it's not something I'd usually say but to see such a beautiful and kind woman so down for such a long time was sad. She rang me later that day and said thank you for that message I pulled myself together and had a good day. Shows that just a little word of encouragement can go a long way.

I'm more for acknowledgement and say something along the lines of 'that's truly shit'.

It's amazing how many people say thanks for not telling me how to fix it/give advice/ look on the bright side stuff that most people say.

I'm glad that what your friend said helped you to feel better, and hope that times are less tough now. Generally I just try to acknowledge the person's feelings, I don't aim to cheer them up or say anything about not worrying etc. - this is partly based on my own experience of serious illness over the past three years, and especially the stage when I pretty much knew that the diagnosis would be bad, but one or two people kept telling me they were sure I'd be fine. That was bloody annoying tbh. I think maybe, in some circumstances, reassuring someone that they are doing well in a difficult situation (e.g. parenting struggles) is useful.

It does depend on the person. I’ve always had a sense of humour even in the darkest of times and once when something horrible had happened and I was very upset, and everyone was tip toeing around me, my very good friend put her arm around me and said, ‘It could be worse.’

I looked at her and then we both laughed together and at that moment I knew that I would get over it and I could look forwards instead of dwelling on things.

I could use some help here actually - friend just found out her husband cheated and is getting divorced.

I’m running out of things to say that don’t sound vacuous or stupid. Of course I can’t say “are you ok, or it will all work out” as it won’t. I don’t know what to say

I don't think I have any mottoes like the example you have given. I express sympathy and if I have advice/experience to share, I will offer it.

I hope you get through the tough time soon, OP.

It really depends on the person I suppose. There’s no one size fits all that would comfort or give hope to everyone. If your friend had said that to me I’d have found that really annoying and trite.

I just try listen to what someone is telling me and say it sounds tough, upsetting, painful or whatever. I’ll try show I’m there for them by keeping in touch and asking how things are going and do practical things if that would help.

Agree there's no one size fits all, I would find that angel comment twee and irritating whereas I love the jokey 'it could be worse' - but then that would only be appropriate with a good friend whose sense of humour you know well.

I would say that twice in my life I've been going through a lot of shit, and both times someone quite unexpected told me how brave I was, and that helped an awful lot. Seeing myself that way from the outside empowered me, if that makes sense. Strangely enough it probably would've meant less coming from a friend though.