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does anyone have a partner who doesn't talk. Hardly. Ever.

22 replies

CatAtNight · 23/03/2022 20:59

My DH is quiet which is fine as I am too. But he hardly talks to me. I can go days even weeks without a proper conversation if I didn't initiate it. I just get one or two word answers and he doesn't even make eye contact when he does. Hes just staring at the computer which is how he spends most evenings after work. He regularly ignores me if I ask a question and just doesn't answer me. The only time he gives me positive attention is when he wants sex. He completely denies this but it's so obvious.

He hardly talks to the kids too. I spend all the time with them. If we spend time together as a family it's because I've asked him to join. He will if he feels like it but usually does a quick exit if possible.

I catch myself looking at fathers with their kids at the park / school / shops / anywhere and how they interact with them - just normal everyday stuff, chatting , teasing, being silly and my heart sinks. My kids get a dad who hardly talks to them and is moody. There's no laughter in my home. I hate it. Its making me feel so frustrated and sad.

I've spoken to him about it but he gets offended and says that's who he is / I'm too sensitive / I'm expecting too much / what do I want from him - leave him alone. I can't bring it up and don't anymore but nothing changes. He feels I am completely making a big deal about it. I don't know how to get him to understand that his behaviour is destroying our marriage. I feel so lonely. I find it exhausting.

OP posts:
SukiPook · 23/03/2022 21:18

Yes I had this with my exH too... well; he would sometimes - the odd time- initiate conversation when HE wanted to talk about something he was interested in... but if I tried to chat to him, he would often tell me rudely to shut up / sigh and roll his eyes / just totally ignore me . He was also moody and sometimes- well, quite often -verbally abusive. Last summer I just realised, I have nothing to say to you anymore... you have shut me down too many times. He used to ignore our infant daughter too when he was in a mood or on his phone.
Now that we have separated, he is great with our toddler daughter when he has her 2 days a week. But yeah I couldn't live the rest of my life with someone moody who would sulk and pout and ignore me and refuse to talk. Life's too short!

SukiPook · 23/03/2022 21:19

I totally get you... it IS lonely and exhausting. It's not worth it

Daffodils22 · 23/03/2022 21:20

How long has things been like this ?

Interested in this thread?

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D0lphine · 23/03/2022 21:22

Does he have MH issues?

Is he on the autistic spectrum?

ReadyToMoveIt · 23/03/2022 21:24

Has he always been like this or is it a recent thing?

DrNo007 · 23/03/2022 21:24

My ex was also like this. I ended up feeling utterly irrelevant. I mean, if your significant other thinks you are not worth bothering with, then you are not worth anything—this was the feeling that crept into my heart. In the end I left him for someone to whom I do matter very much. I sympathise with you but sadly I can only see one outcome if you want to preserve your self worth: leave him.

buzzing · 23/03/2022 21:32

Oh gosh, I could have written this apart from he doesn’t even pester me for sex Angry

Will watch this thread as I know I need to do something about it, I just don’t know if I have the energy too.

But you are not alone, and it is shit

whirlygirl · 23/03/2022 22:02

Oh my god, life is way too short. what are you getting out of this if they're not even decent company? Sad

VeniVidiWeeWee · 23/03/2022 23:59

Why did you marry him?

FlowerArranger · 24/03/2022 00:03

@VeniVidiWeeWee

Why did you marry him?
What I was thinking...

Either way though, you are flogging a dead horse and you'll improve your quality of life tremendously if you leave him.

CatAtNight · 24/03/2022 06:54

I don't think he's autistic. I don't know about mental health - there isn't anything obvious. Just this behaviour - I don't know if it could be linked to something - no idea.

Early in our relationship we would talk and talk but perhaps that was down to the honeymoon period in a relationship and it being all new and everything.

There seems to be a few men like this from looking at this thread - is it more common than I think.

OP posts:
CatAtNight · 24/03/2022 06:56

Can ppl tell me how their partners are with them - I don't know what's normal anymore.

OP posts:
BobbinThreadbare123 · 24/03/2022 06:56

Ugh FGS this is not bloody autism. It's very offensive to just jump to that when what you've got is a boring old fart who has checked out of family life. I have ASD and at times, I have to be reminded to stop chatting!

demotedreally · 24/03/2022 06:58

Is he addicted to computer games?

coodawoodashooda · 24/03/2022 07:04

I kicked mine out. I

CatAtNight · 24/03/2022 07:06

@demotedreally

Is he addicted to computer games?
No he just spends his time on YouTube watching crap, reading stuff online. I'm not sure really. Its what he does I guess instead of watching TV. If I've ever been out for a few hours with the kids he's spent the entire time on the computer.
OP posts:
Holly60 · 24/03/2022 07:09

My husband and I chat away about all sorts and he always engaged with the children fully. It’s not normal ‘male behaviour’ at all. I wouldn’t put up with it

Dacquoise · 24/03/2022 07:30

My exH was a non talker. He was in sales so could talk when he wanted to but was non communicative and boring as hell at home. I don't think he saw any point in 'entertaining' me so didn't bother. He would sit staring at his laptop on the rare evenings he was at home and would stonewall if I tried to bring anything up as an issue. We also went to many a dinner party where he didn't open his mouth which I found very embarrassing. It was a big factor in the death of our marriage.

My DP on the otherhand loves to chat, we laugh and joke about everything and I would say he initates conversations equally. It's absolutely bliss having a communicative partner who is willing to talk about anything, even issues when necessary.

This is not something you have to put up with or tolerate Op. You have every right to communicate with your life partner. We are social primates not 'monks' in solitary confinement. I felt like a prisoner with my exH and had to get out to have a normal life.

2DogsOnMySofa · 24/03/2022 07:37

Your relationship sounds so lonely. It would be easier to live on your own, with the dc, than live with someone who clearly doesn't want to engage with you. Does he even like you?

Life is too short, why do you stay? How do you think your relationship will be when the kids are older and doing their own thing? What about when you retire?

Do you get any adult interaction, friends and family?

coodawoodashooda · 24/03/2022 08:30

@Dacquoise

My exH was a non talker. He was in sales so could talk when he wanted to but was non communicative and boring as hell at home. I don't think he saw any point in 'entertaining' me so didn't bother. He would sit staring at his laptop on the rare evenings he was at home and would stonewall if I tried to bring anything up as an issue. We also went to many a dinner party where he didn't open his mouth which I found very embarrassing. It was a big factor in the death of our marriage.

My DP on the otherhand loves to chat, we laugh and joke about everything and I would say he initates conversations equally. It's absolutely bliss having a communicative partner who is willing to talk about anything, even issues when necessary.

This is not something you have to put up with or tolerate Op. You have every right to communicate with your life partner. We are social primates not 'monks' in solitary confinement. I felt like a prisoner with my exH and had to get out to have a normal life.

I can relate to the embarrassing social behaviour
Dacquoise · 24/03/2022 08:31

It's pure arrogance isn't it!

JuliaSways · 24/03/2022 08:41

You ask What are other relationships like? My OH is very quiet, not chatty at all. However, he does engage in conversation with myself and the children. He's a nightmare on phone calls, monosyllabic and mumbling, I could happily strangle him at times because I constantly say "what?". But other than that he's a decent person so it isn't an issue just a quirk.

Get a drink in him and he transforms into a teenage girl, spills all the gossip and has to be told to pipe down Grin

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