How to help my Mum.

[Fireants]

Mum and Dad are in their 90’s and still live independently in their house. Mum will insist on cooking from scratch, meat and two veg every night. Changing beds, cleaning etc etc. She is clearly tired but won’t buy convenience foods or get a cleaner.

My sister and I can see she needs to chill. We do her shopping and visit every week, very supportive but she obviously needs to take all pressure off.

I’m not sure there’s much for you to do if they don’t want help. My Mum is the same at 89 and won’t let me help. I used to get stressed about it as I could see things that I could help with such as cleaning etc, but have relaxed a bit now as I realised that it was only me getting stressed and not Mum as she was happy to continue doing things herself.
She’s of the mind that she’ll continue as long as she can and I’m just waiting in the wings to step in. I think most people get help when it comes to the stage where a crisis happens.
I’m presuming you’ve had a chat but it fell on deaf ears?

The Elderly Parents topic always has good advice and you may get more advice there

Both my grandma's are the same - though live alone as widowed. They're good at asking us (kids and, grandkids) to help with the more difficult stuff or things where they'd need to stand on a chair but the rest they do themselves, along with gardening. I actually think it's good for them keep doing it - keeps them active and moving, which in turn allows them to keep seeing friends/family, go out for days/holidays and do the things they enjoy. Otherwise they'd just blob in front of the TV.

Could you get them something like a slow cooker? My mum is the same age and lives alone. When she's got a day on her own she has a ready meal from Tesco or she'll have soup from a tin. If somebody is visiting then they cook for her. One thing she does do though is spend an afternoon putting things in a slow cooker. It's ready the next morning then and it will serve her three meals. She just puts it in the fridge and warms it in the microwave. Our fear is that she will drop something heavy, taking it from the oven. She is pretty good though and will leave the heavy things until someone visits. She broke her wrist a year ago and had to have carers coming in four times today. She did get used to that. Now she has a cleaner once a week, someone she knew through church, and that has been a lifesaver. It was originally presented to her as doing the woman a favour.

My MIL was like this and cooked/ cleaned until the day she was sent to hospital and died.
Preparing the evening meal took all afternoon, but it gave her something to do as she didn’t want to just sit.

Now she has a cleaner once a week, someone she knew through church, and that has been a lifesaver. It was originally presented to her as doing the woman a favour.
That sounds an excellent idea! OP, would you be able to work something under the guise of them helping someone else?

You could of course, do homemade dinners for her to freeze, then defrost