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MIL is driving me insane

5 replies

wafflemummy13 · 23/03/2022 18:15

so ive had my first baby, and im trying my best to raise her how i would like to, i live with my MIL and she is always telling how she raised her son and how it is completely different in how i am raising my daughter, also always telling me how and what i should do for her, that i dress her like a doll becuase i put in her girls clothing.

today was the worse day, not only did she judge how i was parenting and telling me how to doit, but my partner then agreed with her, told me that i dont let him have a say in how we are raising our childm yet i always try include him in everything that i do.

i just feel like im letting my daughter down everytime i dont do it how they are telling me to, i feel like i shouldnt be a mother because im making so many mistakes and that i am going to ruin her future. It doesnt matter what i do how i try tp do things there is always comments on how i am doing them.

how do i talk to my MIL without getting into big fights about how i am raising my child?

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 23/03/2022 18:17

I live with my MIL

There your problem. I don’t know a single person who would be happy living with their MIL for longer than about a weekend! I honestly can’t think of anything worse-move out and live your own life.

Holly60 · 23/03/2022 18:26

@Shinyandnew1

I live with my MIL

There your problem. I don’t know a single person who would be happy living with their MIL for longer than about a weekend! I honestly can’t think of anything worse-move out and live your own life.

This is a really unhelpful post. Plenty of couples temporarily (or not) live with one or other set of parents and many do it successfully so there must be many many people who don’t mind living with their in-laws/MIL.

This is a specific problem where OP is raising her child in a particular way and her relation is commenting on it constantly. I think first of all have absolute confidence that you know what it best for your baby. You do. You are her parent, therefore you know best.

Every time your MIL comments, reply that you know she did it differently, but you are doing it this way. You could try acknowledging that you think she did a good job, just that you are trying something different. Maybe ask for her support - ‘MIL I know you aren’t always sure about the way I do things, but sometimes I could really use an ally in this’.

Holly60 · 23/03/2022 18:28

Basically, I’m trying to say that she is just a person, with good points and bad and it might be worth trying to work out WHY she is acting the way she is (is it insecurity about the way she raised her own child/misguidedly trying to be helpful/ feeling rejected/ wanting to feel useful/ some resentment there for some reason) and try to address that either directly or in a more subtle way. If you can get her onside it will make life easier and she may well become a real ally.

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Jonny1265 · 23/03/2022 18:33

@Shinyandnew1

I live with my MIL

There your problem. I don’t know a single person who would be happy living with their MIL for longer than about a weekend! I honestly can’t think of anything worse-move out and live your own life.

This. I don't think your set up will work in the long term and I'd be talking with your husband about how to move forward.
AngryPrincess · 23/03/2022 22:32

Your DH should be backing you up, not her. But I think most guys wouldn’t realise that. Have you told him how you feel? Does he realise that you two are a team and he needs to support you?

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