3 year old difiance

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Wise mumsnetters please tell me how you magically get your 3 year old to do what they should. Mine is going through a defiant phase and everything is a struggle if they don't want to do it.

My only way is to shout and threaten a present or something such like. One of these things doesn't work, it has to be both. I hate shouting, feel so guilty after but sometimes it's dangerous things like a boiling kettle and they don't listen.

Tried naughty step, taking favourite toy, nothing else works. What do yoh all do?

Tia

Mine is recently 3 but I find a few things helpful. Setting out plans and expectations clearly in advance, getting down to her level, speaking clearly, getting her to repeat things back. Checking back a few minutes later that she remembers. Remembering a lot of what they do at this age is developmentally normal, healthy boundary pushing, they get overwhelmed and don’t have the capacity to be logical when they’re hungry, tired or over stimulated.

I don’t agree with the naughty step, you’re just excluding them for behaviour they might not be able to help. I don’t think ever taking a favourite toy is a good idea, that’s their security which you’ve allowed them to rely on for comfort.

Why are they near a boiling kettle?!

The book how to talk so kids will listen is very good and we found it useful with my older step kids. Janet Lansbury is excellent to, she has a website and is on Facebook if you use that.

As much as possible I try not to get into wars, least of all about things which might not really matter. If you shout about small things they ignore you doing on when justified by big things - boiling kettles and running into the road.

Thanks Anne thats very helpful.

It was boiling water from a tea I'd made and they came to the worktop right next to all the cups while I was doing it putting hands up.

I will have a look at the books thanks.

Do you have Instagram? If so give biglittlefeelings a follow. If not, in a snapshot it's completely normal. Be sure to give them choices, time warnings and remember you are teaching not punishing. So hot water has its own natural consequence that if reminded they should want to avoid! Try to look for natural consequences rather than removal of toys. For me a good natural one is not having time for something. For example if they don't walk home quickly they won't have time to play out after dinner etc. Make sure you always follow through!