What chores does your 15 Yr old do? Argument with my son

[Olliphant]

Hello, I am wondering what your 15 Yr old does about the house? Mine does the dish washer everyday and makes us all a cup of tea after dinner. He told me I didn't do the washing often enough today, and it made me so angry! He was telling me this in his clean school clothes, which I washed.....but he had found his gym kit unwashed so was annoyed at me. I told him that he can be responsible for doing his own washing from now on. I also think he should make his own breakfast....also I make his packed lunch every day. .....what do you guys do with your kids?

Oh and all responsible for their own bedding, if it's in the wash I wash it but they have to strip beds and put it back on. I work full time, they understand that they are expected to do as much for themselves as possible. The extra paid for jobs are partly as a way of giving them more money and partly to save me doing it.

14 year old is responsible for their own room (changing own bedding and kept properly clean), if that's not in good condition they lose internet privileges.

Pocket money chores include family clothes washing, dishwasher duties, cleaning the floors, cleaning the bathroom and cooking meals. We have a sliding scale for how much each of those jobs is worth in terms of money. They are always optional but the only way to earn pocket money.

For us it creates a reasonable balance between taking responsibility for your own environment and sharing the load, with reasonable reward for the shared environment.

My DD13 lays the table every day except the once a week when she cooks dinner for the family - from scratch.
She puts on washing at least twice a week and sorts drying as requested.
She changes her own bed weekly and responsible for her own room.
She cleans the bathroom basin and window sill weekly.
She makes a cuppa at least once an evening, makes her own breakfast and if dinner for the evening is flexible she feeds herself! She will shop for bits and pieces as required. She will also hoover the lounge after school on days it is needed.
She washes up once a week and clears the draining board probably twice!
On a Friday she ensures DH's work and her school clothes are washing before I get home from work.
She often peels vegetables before I get in too.

I am growing an independent human.

DD is in y11. She does half of the house stuff really, so if we are cleaning on a weekend, I'll do the bathroom and change the beds, she hoovers throughout and dusts. If I'm busy with work, shell cook dinner. When I was recovering from an operation last year, she pretty much ran the house. I don't ask her to do anything if she needs to prioritise fun or school work but if she's here and has time, she just does what is needed. If she had to live alone tomorrow, she could do so perfectly well.

even just lookthe night before for ot, to make sure it is clean
Two nights before, so it's got time toners before needed!
My 12 year old did the same recently. He's now in charge of seeing one load through the system a week.

He was also rude about my cooking last weekend so was offered the option of finding a recipe, checking the ingredients, writing a list of what he needs to cook it.... he declined and apologised!

No set chores per say but generally they do this:

Bring the shopping bags in from the taxi if they're home when I get back.
Make their own breakfast/packed lunch.
Washes up after tea and wipe down kitchen surfaces.
Make cuppas.
Clean own rooms and bring down any plates/glasses (wash them up) and puts any washing in the basket.
Wipe down bathroom after having a bath/shower.

They also cook for us all once a week on rota, and run round with the vac sometimes. Always tidy up if they've had friends round.

From quite a young age I was raised to help around the house and I'm doing the same with my kids. And like me they don't get pocket money for doing it!

I am growing an independent human.

@sheslittlebutfierce this is exactly how I feel. I've shown mine how to budget too, which is so important imo and I'm so glad my mum taught me! It's important that they know their way round a kitchen too. My DS loves pottering around making meals for his friends when they're over and trying his recipes out on us.

When I was in hospital with my youngest for a week, it was a relief to know my older ones could confidently take over running the show. We came home to a clean house and they'd done a food shop too. Don't think I've ever been quite so chuffed at my parenting skills or at their awesomeness tbh!

Mine are often alone during the holidays if we are working, and can make (quite basic) food for themselves but I never ask them to cook a family meal unless they want to (which has happened twice!)
DD knows how to use the washing machine and tumble dryer and slso walks to her pt job, so is fairly independent.
I still do her hair for her though, she can't do French or Dutch plaits. She isn't affectionate at all and hates hugs so doing her hair is as close as I get.

@Nelliephant1

Wow poor kid has plenty going on between school and being a teen without this, he really doesn't need it. Let him be a child, the responsibilities of life will be on him soon enough. He sounds like a good lad, just let him be.

I agree. Being a teen is tough enough.

You don’t have to be Einstein to work out how to do chores once they are a necessity.

As standard, just emptying the dishwasher and making sure his clothes are in the washing basket. He will strip his bed and help me make it when its been washed. He will happily help me if there's something I need doing and he happens to be about, like bringing in shopping etc. He rarely makes tea unless I'm supervising, but he will make his own lunch at the weekend if we aren't about (basic stuff like sandwiches, soup, pot noodles.) His room is pretty tidy most of the time anyway as he hates clutter

15, 13 and 13 here.

They are responsible for their own rooms, but provided there's no mouldy cups etc, I just leave them to it. They are all pretty messy. I change the beds, except in the holidays when they do it.

I do the washing that people put in the basket. If it's not in there, I don't do it.

They each have a monthly job on rotation:

1. stocking up loo rolls and bird food
2. recycling
3. ironing.

We all clear up together after dinner. They make own breakfasts, packed lunch and most lunches at home. Two enjoy cooking and do that - the 15 year old has a regular weekly slot and the enthusiastic 13 year old is more ad hoc.

15 year old has a part time job - about 5-6 hours a week.

I think they should probably be doing more, but I also think they have had a shit few years and are all getting there in their own ways.

Dd is 15, she needs to keep her room tidy, she does the ironing and cooks for herself.

I feel pretty bad reading this.

They didnt have set jobs as such but by 15 mine were cooking for the family a few times a week, doing their own washing and cleaning, would fill and empty the dishwasher, put bins out, hoover the house etc.

All DC's are sons and I felt it was my role to instil good home keeping skills.

My DS doesn't do much in term time as has a very long day but more during the holidays. I am with Daisy Deli here, this is about instilling good home keeping skills, especially in boys. I don't want my son moving in with someone and not knowing what to do and/or expecting them to show them/do it for them.

DS15 always makes own breakfast and lunch at the weekend. He doesn't do washing however I only wash what is in the laundry bin. He knows not to ask where anything is if it hasn't been put in the laundry. I don't tidy his room but term time change his bed. His room is reasonably tidy but he always tidies before his friends come over.

8 and 11 - they do their own breakfast and generally their own lunch at the weekends. If they're not at the childminders, eldest cooks dinner once a week, youngest cooks a cake (sigh. at least it's cooking).

They are expected to clear their own plate and put it in the dishwasher if empty, and bring down their washing once a week (ideally take it back up again too once done, but I'm not strict on that). One of them lays the table, the other gets the rest of the dinner bits and bobs.

We're working on them remembering to occasionally wipe down their bathroom.

Eldest does know how to use the machine, but he shares a room/washing basket, so I'm not going to make him do the washing.

I'll be honest.

At 10, 11, 12 (13? 14?)
he did: change his own sheets, hoover bedroom, clear table, pack dishwahser.
Also do occasional errands eg pop to corner shop, hang up a load of washing, or run hoover round downstairs. he could also earn money mowing the lawn.
But in his middle teen years it was like getting blood out of a stone. So impossibly difficult to get him ot do anything. We did just manage to keep the pack the dishwasher going, sort of, mostly.

Then at 18, he grew up quite a lot, and now when home will do a lot quite naturally, just because he lives there. Since going to uni he is also much more aware of prices, so understands why we object to eg wasted food.

So while I would encourage you to keep chores going, I would also say, don't worry!

DS is 2.5 and is responsible everyday for putting the dirty clothes from his nursery bag into the hamper (under supervision else he’d climb inside it too lol). So a 15 yo should definitely be doing that as a minimum. At that age if he doesn’t use the hamper his clothes shouldn’t get washed.

Mine are responsible for keeping their rooms as they want. I don’t mind if their rooms are messy, but if they want clean sheets, they have to wash them. Clothes need to go in the washing basket. Dishwasher load and empty. Basic cooking. Hoovering. Bathroom cleaning. Some shopping. Just general stuff to help a house run smoothly. We have no rota, but everyone is expected to pitch in. They’re a member of the household and everyone helps.

15 yo cooks breakfast and lunch for himself and brother every day (I think brother should do it at least occasionally, but my suggestion falls on deaf ears). Cooks dinner for whole family about once a month.

Strips and washes his bed. Everyone helps with the laundry, dh is in charge but asks boys to do it regularly.

Puts on or empties the dishwasher if he sees it needs doing (though generally I do it before he gets to it).

Hoovers the house once a week.

Will do any other things he is asked to do as and when he is asked them, but is not brilliant at noticing something needs doing and doing it, fyswim.

Mine do the dishwasher plus their rooms. I wash their clothes but they have to hang it up. I just wish they would do it without prompting. I'm still carrying the mental load and I don't want them to carry this behaviour into a relationship.

DS is about to turn 14.

Unload dishwasher before school, and take rubbish to rubbish bins on his way to school - his daily jobs.

He can load his washing in machine and turn on if needs be.

Gets his own breakfast.

At weekends he sweeps & cleans driveway and outdoor sills, and cleans the car inside - his weekend job.

He can make his own dinner if need be.

Hoover, dust etc - but these things are just as and when asked.

I think it's really important for kids to learn to help as they grow up.

My ds15 and ds16 set the table, tidy up, wash up and do the dishwasher after dinner, do their own breakfasts and packed lunches. They take the bins out (if asked), help bring in and put away the shopping from online delivery.

When our cleaner couldn't come for six months they changed their beds and did week about hoovering and dusting while I did the bathrooms and dh did the ironing.

I refuse to raise incompetent young men. I still do the lion's share of the home stuff but at least they don't take me for granted. During lockdown they each had to shop for and cook a family meal each week but they're too busy for that now. At least they know they can!

They can put on a load of washing but the idea of handwashing eludes them and I can't afford to buy new woolens so for now I'm on laundry duty.

here is an interesting perspective on not having children do chores which I agree with mostly. I didn’t have to do chores and neither did my DH. We are both capable of doing everything required to run and manage a household in spite of no youthful chores.

@Olliphant

Hello, I am wondering what your 15 Yr old does about the house? Mine does the dish washer everyday and makes us all a cup of tea after dinner. He told me I didn't do the washing often enough today, and it made me so angry! He was telling me this in his clean school clothes, which I washed.....but he had found his gym kit unwashed so was annoyed at me. I told him that he can be responsible for doing his own washing from now on. I also think he should make his own breakfast....also I make his packed lunch every day. .....what do you guys do with your kids?

I don’t understand why you are angry. As it is your chore to do the laundry and you missed his gym kit, he isn’t wrong to be a bit miffed he doesn’t have clean gym kit and ask you to do the washing more frequently. I think telling him to do his own laundry from now on is an over reaction and honestly will cause you extra faff and potential for arguments as he will likely start a load before going to school...and what will you do? Leave it in the machine all day when you need to do the rest of the washing? Or if you tell him only do washing after school, will he then be up too late because he’s waiting on the washer? And will he hanging things out to dry at night? Just keep doing the laundry imho.

As for what mine did at 15 it was the bins- recycling, rubbish and compost. Washing up dishes after dinner 2x a week. Keeping own room tidy and clean. Helping in the garden when requested. Walking to Co-op to do top up shopping during the week.

My DDs started doing their own laundry when they were about 7 or 8. This was due to one saying “how long does it take to wash a skirt?” That was because the one she wanted for school wasn’t clean, because she kicked it under her bed when she took it off.

Following that they started laying the table for dinner, emptying the dishwasher and helping to prepare meals, and making tea/coffee. This was for pocket money.

Now they are in Uni they know how to cope with bills, feed themselves and keep environment clean. They don’t always do what I think they should, but they do know how to.