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Original poster

I’m a terrible mum

27 replies

FadeAway1 · 22/03/2022 16:05

I know I’m not usually a terrible mum. I work hard to be the best mum I can be. I give them lots of cuddles, read with them, take them places, draw & paint with them. But I feel terrible for something I have done.

This weekend, we had friends over on Sunday. It was meant to be for a few drinks in the garden but we all got carried away. I should add that on this occasion, it was me drinking and not DH. We tend to take turns incase of an emergency.

I don’t know what happened, I think it might be that I didn’t eat enough, but the alcohol really went to my head and I ended up quite drunk. I let the kids stay up late (age 8 and 6) despite it being a school night and in all honesty, I can’t really remember the end of the night.

I’ve not got form for this at all. This is a complete one off but I feel really ashamed of myself.

Not sure why I’m posting. I’ve just been hating myself for the last couple of days and undeserving of my lovely kids.

OP posts:
SexiestDogWalker · 22/03/2022 16:06

Did the kids get to school the next day?

I think you need to cut yourself some slack.

Original poster
FadeAway1 · 22/03/2022 16:07

Yes, the kids got to school. They were quite happy and loved their play date. I just feel that I wasn’t putting their best interests first.

OP posts:
actiongirl1978 · 22/03/2022 16:07

That's not terrible!!

These things happen when the sun comes out. The children won't remember or give it a second thought.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Georgeskitchen · 22/03/2022 16:41

Give yourself a break!! It's not against the law for mums to have few drinks and get a bit squiffy!! I bet the kids loved being able to stay up late!!

girlmom21 · 22/03/2022 16:43

It won't hurt them as a one off. DH would've carted them off to bed if he was concerned it was getting too late. Don't worry!

Sandinmyhooves · 22/03/2022 16:43

You had DH there, totally sober. That’s pretty responsible.

Spudina · 22/03/2022 16:48

OMG OP cut yourself some slack. After the first lockdown my friend and her husband came over for a drink. I think it was because we hadn’t been able to see any one for ages but we got totally pissed. My friend and I vomited and her daughter had to stay cos she was too drunk to walk her home. The kids still joke about it.
No harm no fowl!

Thenose · 22/03/2022 16:58

It was a one-off, and they had a sober adult looking after them. What, specifically, do you think they were harmed by?

AffIt · 22/03/2022 17:08

OMG, OP, you're right: you're a dreadful parent and worse, a shockingly bad example of a human being, because you cut loose on one day, in spite of the fact that your considerably-older-than-newborn children, who were in the care of another sober adult human, were there.

Is that what you wanted to hear? Does that make you feel better, or this is some kind of weird martyred humblebrag?

TheVolturi · 22/03/2022 17:12

Crikey don't worry. Unless someone was hurt or in danger it's fine!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 22/03/2022 17:24

I don't understand why you're beating yourself up Confused

There was a responsible adult there, you're allowed to get drunk and let your hair down. You're not an alcoholic. Your kids might have witnessed mum get a bit silly, but who cares?

You are a human being in your own right, not everything has to be for the exclusive benefit of your kids. They had a great time, you had a great time - why are you 'undeserving' of them?!

This is really not a normal response. Either this is some weird martyrdom I've not encountered or you need a dose of perspective.

mamabr · 22/03/2022 17:26

If you were doing this on a regular occasion then maybe they'd be an issue.
But seriously? You don't have anything to feel terrible for! Your kids are fine and they were still safe, they got to school the next day and they were happy.
Why are you beating yourself up?

nomistake · 22/03/2022 17:28

Your kids probably had the time of their lives - long playdate on a school night with mum having a good time. Don't beat yourself up over nothing!

LaraDeSalle · 22/03/2022 17:29

But if your husband was there and he was sober why didn’t he put them to bed early, what is the problem here?

Loservilla · 22/03/2022 17:29

I'm sure there are lots of people who do this regularly but both parents get pissed.
I wouldn't worry at all. The fact that one of you stays sober shows you're a great mum!

Babadook76 · 22/03/2022 17:32

@AffIt

OMG, OP, you're right: you're a dreadful parent and worse, a shockingly bad example of a human being, because you cut loose on one day, in spite of the fact that your considerably-older-than-newborn children, who were in the care of another sober adult human, were there.

Is that what you wanted to hear? Does that make you feel better, or this is some kind of weird martyred humblebrag?

I agree. How ridiculous 🙄
SleepingStandingUp · 22/03/2022 17:35

So their Dad was home and sober with them, they had fun, you didn't do anything dangerous or harmful and they went to school fine.

Do you generally over react like this and assume you're awful or is DH putting ideas in your head?

Original poster
FadeAway1 · 22/03/2022 17:39

I’m sorry, I have honestly been dwelling on this since I woke up on Monday morning. My mum was very abusive growing up so I have no bench mark on what’s okay and what’s not okay. I also have a fear of letting my kids down, after how I was let down by my own mum.

It’s really not a brag in any way. I would never brag about this kind of thing. I suppose I’m maybe too hard on myself sometimes.

OP posts:
Babadook76 · 22/03/2022 17:48

Nothing happened op. What are you obsessing about?

SleepingStandingUp · 22/03/2022 17:48

Well we're you abusive to the kids when you were drunk? Surely their dad would have mentioned it

MiddleParking · 22/03/2022 17:55

Irrational/disproportionate anxiety of this kind is a big feature of the days after drinking for lots of people (me!) It’s absolutely fine OP.

Original poster
FadeAway1 · 22/03/2022 18:03

I know nothing bad happened, but I suppose I wasn’t putting my kids first, if that makes sense.

I understand now that I’m blowing this out of all proportion. I really appreciate the reality check you’ve all given me.

Years of being told I was worthless have really taken their toll and I do sometimes experience “imposter syndrome” as a result.

Working through it but it’s not an easy process. Becoming a mum has been quite triggering but I’m doing the best I can.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
nearlyspringyay · 22/03/2022 18:05

Beer fear, it'll be fine. Really.

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 22/03/2022 18:07

Errrrmmm, sorry, not getting the angst about this at all.

AffIt · 22/03/2022 18:19

@FadeAway1

I know nothing bad happened, but I suppose I wasn’t putting my kids first, if that makes sense.

I understand now that I’m blowing this out of all proportion. I really appreciate the reality check you’ve all given me.

Years of being told I was worthless have really taken their toll and I do sometimes experience “imposter syndrome” as a result.

Working through it but it’s not an easy process. Becoming a mum has been quite triggering but I’m doing the best I can.

Thanks all.

It probably would have been good if you'd mentioned your traumatic background in your initial post: people might not have been quite as hard on you for what is genuinely not a terrible thing.

But yeah, get some therapy, and don't pass your troubled upbringing on to your kids. Larkin was right.