What to do about male friend

[Turkishdelightchocisace]

I have been friends with a guy for over 12 years now. He is single and I'm a lesbian, he knows this and I have reiterated it many times to him but he still seems to harbour some kind of fantasy that me and him are going to end up together.

Lately I have noticed he has become quite nasty and snide towards me in his comments. On Satuday I was going out and had made my face up really nice and on seeing me he said "Just saying my truth but heavy makeup is too much for me, I like to appreciate womans natural beauty" . I told him I didnt exist to please him and things turned a little sour after that.

I know this guy a long time but he clearly does not respect me or my boundaries, the fact I'm a lesbian and I'm not actually going to just up tomorrow morning and want a relationship with him, so I think it's just best to call the whole thing a day. What does everyone think?

Yes. Sack off. Enjoy your life without him in it.

I would walk 100 miles away from anyone who talked about speaking “my truth”.
He’s an arsehole.
Why is this even a question?

Bin him. He’s being nasty because you won’t pander to his fantasy that you end up together and he doesn’t even acknowledge your sexuality.

He's not your friend. He just sees you as a challenge to conquer.

He's clearly disappointed that there is no chance of a relationship with you. I think he's become resentful of this and has started displaying it outwardly. This behaviour is not something a true friend would exhibit. It will only get worse. Get rid, live your life without him, you don't need this x

That's going to be a 100% fuck that from me.

I don't know how close you are/how good a friend he's been to you. Have you laid it out in very stark terms about how inappropriate he is being and that you will never have a relationship with him? The chipping away at your boundaries is really worrisome. Even if he told you it'd never happen again and trust he's not just masking in order to be around you?

I'd start grey rocking and disengaging in a low key, "sorry, I'm busy" way until he's been throughly sidelined.

Anyone, friend, boyfriend, acquaintance who said that about your make up is well dodge. Imagine having the nerve to think he was entitled to an opinion on it!

That was meant to be friend, boyfriend or girlfriend 🤦🏻‍♀️

Get a GD Edit button Mumsnet!

Agree with pp...he's not your friend. Just a chancer who thought he might be in with a shout. As it slowly dawns on him that he's not getting anywhere he has no reason to be nice to you.

I'd tell him 'I'm not here to please you, aesthetically or otherwise. Now fuck off'. Then bin him.

Nah he's not your friend, or at least he's not your friend anymore. Had this with a long term friend late last year who had harboured ideas of us 'being together' and no amount of me always saying it would never be on the cards was enough to make him take no for an answer. I was sad to sack him off because I thought we were good friends.

My dh and I have a friend just like this! I know he’s not interested ( neither am I) but he makes comments on my looks and often tells me it’s not what he goes for. It annoys me to no end and i remind him that I’m not here to please him or do I actually need his opinion.

He seems think one day you’ll change your mind and that’s annoying! I’d be keeping my distance from him and only see him if out in a group setting. Even then I would say a polite hello and then leave it at that

Anyone, friend, boyfriend, acquaintance who said that about your make up is well dodge. Imagine having the nerve to think he was entitled to an opinion on it!

Exactly.
I'm not a fan of make-up at all but I'd never comment on how anyone's done their face.

He doesn't respect you, he doesn't respect your sexuality and he doesn't respect women. Get him out of your life.

It's actually homophobic to tried to pressure a gay person into a straight relationship.This man is toxic and has no respect for you.

You deserve better friends than him.

Sorry but he is a tosser and like a previous poster said, its homophobic of him to think you would want a relationship with him. He is also pretty presumptuous to think you would care about his opinion on your makeup. He's your friend (supposedly) not married to you. You are well rid of him

All I can say is with friends like that, who needs enemies? It sounds like he doesn't respect your boundaries and isn't likely to so it's best to just walk away. Men like that are generally very misogynistic anyway

@thenewduchessoflapland and @Mrspepperpoi I had never actually thought of it being a type of homophobia but you're both spot on

He isn't a friend as he is unkind to you.

Also if he does have feelings for you that he can't move past it is better for him if you end the friendship too.

Good for you for telling him to don't exist to please him but he seems so entitled I think the phrase, "fuck off", might be more effective. I would not give him a second more of my time.

I would get rid of him just for saying "saying my truth"

@girlmom21

He's not your friend. He just sees you as a challenge to conquer.

That's what it seems like to me.

Sorry OP, some men can be complete shits can't they?

His audacity is almost laughable
Only its not.. he's sounds like a arsehole

Yep, life is too short and he's not been a great friend really has he?

End the friendship because I doubt he was a true friend to begin with.