I wasn't sure where to put this thread. It could have fitted in so many topics. I almost certainly have ADHD. I seek organisation to help stay calm but find it unbelievably hard work. My kind of ADHD generally presents itself as a sort of internal motor that pushes me to go go go even when I can't physically support the activity. I have a shocking immune system and quite often make myself 100x worse because I find it so hard to sit and do nothing. I'm also a mum with two small people who have adhd. Their dad left over three years ago. My DP moved in recently and is not their dad.
With me so far?
Today's my birthday. I have recently. After much nagging from DP been making an effort to try and prioritise myself more. Hard to do when you're a mum, even harder to do when mess stresses you, you have two messy kids and an internal motor that won't let you stop. As a birthday treat I booked the day off work, booked a massage and dinner out because kids are with their dad tonight anyway. The weather was promising to be good, I was going to go to the gym, have a sauna, lunch and a wander around the village the beauty salon is in, buys some random bits. I was so looking forward to it, like - never mind what anybody else did for me, I was putting myself first and looking after myself and this felt like a massive act of self care. DP was going to book the day off work but forgot and got pulled in to the office for meetings, but actually I didn't care, I could just indulge myself and do what I wanted with no thought to anybody else at all .i never get that.
Both kids have covid. No card from either of them (7 and 10 so old enough to at least draw something. God knows they spend enough time drawing) or DP. DP usually v thoughtful and kind, we'd already agreed no presents because there's nothing I wanted and we have some big expenses coming up, but a card? He was in bloody waitrose last night, he could have got a fucking card.
And the kids dad called me up trying to make a zillion excuses why he couldn't have them even though he had been going to take them. I ended up just cancelling the massage even though he changed his mind and said he could take them because honestly - a snatched hour for a massage whilst stressing that he's not coping with the kids or that I might get covid and be ill for months - not at all what I'd planned.
And I'm aware I sound like a princess, but honestly I wouldn't have cared about cards or being made a fuss of if I'd only been able to make a fuss of myself and I just feel so miserable and... like I don't deserve that time or that fuss.
I do so much for other people. I just wanted a chance to do something nice for me. I can't even bring myself to open the cards my friends posted because I just feel so fucking glum.
And insult to injury is that the kids are basically fine, except that DS is more hyper than normal because he hasn't had his meda and DD is very whingey. Otherwise they're fine and I'd have happily sent them into school with any other fucking bug.
I'm just struggling with changing plans, feeling so drained, still having to accommodate exh, feeling a bit neglected by DP it's just all a bit poo and I needed to get it out.