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Original poster

If a toddler is screaming and asking to be picked up surely someone should (nursery)?

29 replies

WouldYouIo · 22/03/2022 11:18

Opposite the park where I take dc is a nursery and the play area is visible

Twice this week we’ve been there at sane times as the outdoor playtime and both times the same child (about 18m?) is screaming and screaming and following adults around then putting her arms up to be picked up and they walk away every time, is this usual ??
She’s been screaming both times I’ve seen for 20 mins and it’s heartbreaking they aren’t even trying to play with her or distract her just walking away

OP posts:

axolotlfloof · 22/03/2022 11:52

It sounds heartbreaking but maybe she does that every morning then settles?

ModerationInEverything · 22/03/2022 11:59

Not acceptable. Even if they are trying to teach her to self settle they should bend down and talk to her, comfort her, a little cuddle and some encouragement.

Thursday37 · 22/03/2022 12:02

Unacceptable. I’d report it to the council/Ofsted

This doesn’t happen at our nursery. I have frequently spied on them in the garden and through the windows (freely admit to being a paranoid parent!) and crying children are always comforted.

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Marcipex · 22/03/2022 12:06

I would (nursery worker) but I would be told to put them down.

LaBelleSausage · 22/03/2022 12:10

I know there's one child at my Children's nursery whose parents have instructed the staff never to pick him up.

I don't know the circumstances surrounding why, but they have just seen me looking when they child was distressed and reaching upwards told me that they aren't allowed to physically comfort him.

The staff seemed just as upset by it as I was but possibly if it's the same child, there is something like that in place?

thebabynanny · 22/03/2022 12:10

Doesn't sound great but if this particular child wants to be carried all the time that just isn't practical in a group care situation.

Maybe they've tried distracting or kneeling down to hug and it just doesn't work? Not all children can be distracted out of a tantrum.

Original poster

WouldYouIo · 22/03/2022 12:38

@thebabynanny

Doesn't sound great but if this particular child wants to be carried all the time that just isn't practical in a group care situation.

Maybe they've tried distracting or kneeling down to hug and it just doesn't work? Not all children can be distracted out of a tantrum.

It could be I guess but she was so so distressed it was that screaming cry that toddlers do when they are really really unhappy and they were just walking away when she went to adults with arms outstretched it just was really heartbreaking to hear/see

OP posts:

EdithRea · 22/03/2022 13:20

They've clearly got a plan in place to ignore the screaming until the child learns to behave and request things normally. I wouldn't pick up one of mine if it screamed either.

Somethingsnappy · 22/03/2022 13:37

This is awful. She's so young and clearly utterly distressed. If she 'settles' afterwards if she's just left, it's because she has cimoldtskyv

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 22/03/2022 13:37

If you’re concerned It Wouldn’t be unreasonable to contact the nursery say what you saw and see what they say. And if you’re not happy go to the local authority it could be part of a behaviour plan but it’s clearly not working needs to be reviewed

Somethingsnappy · 22/03/2022 13:38

Posted too soon! Because she has clearly given up on any adults to help her.

Somethingsnappy · 22/03/2022 13:38

I wonder if the parents know. I doubt it very much.

Somethingsnappy · 22/03/2022 13:39

@EdithRea

They've clearly got a plan in place to ignore the screaming until the child learns to behave and request things normally. I wouldn't pick up one of mine if it screamed either.

It? At 18 months? Wow.

Original poster

WouldYouIo · 22/03/2022 13:42

@EdithRea

They've clearly got a plan in place to ignore the screaming until the child learns to behave and request things normally. I wouldn't pick up one of mine if it screamed either.

But this child was at most 18 m old I’d say maybe 16-18 m but can they even process much once they get that upset ?

OP posts:

ThePlantsitter · 22/03/2022 13:43

Honestly I wouldn't assume anything from overlooking the playground twice. But if you're really worried, you could always tell the nursery what you've seen and ask them about it? I would expect to get short shrift whatever their answer, but it may be that their reply put your mind at rest or convinces you to take further action.

Original poster

WouldYouIo · 22/03/2022 13:44

@Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco

I think I will call as tbh it’s probably some kind of plan or has an explanation but she sounded SO distressed I really can’t do nothing as it was the scream I’ve only heard from my own dc a handful of times for real distress not just a bit upset / tired/ tantrum

OP posts:

DowntonCrabby · 22/03/2022 13:45

18m is still a very very young child, it’s awful they aren’t being comforted. I’d report to ofsted too and let the nursery explain their policy/reasons, which could be fine but at least it will have been checked.

Hugasauras · 22/03/2022 13:46

That doesn't sound nice Staff at DD's nursery are always cuddling and picking up the younger babies and DD gets plenty of physical contact from then when she's fallen or upset even at 3. I can understand it's not always possible to immediately pick her up when you're looking after other kids, same at home if you have more than one, but that does sound extreme.

Favourodds · 22/03/2022 13:50

They've clearly got a plan in place to ignore the screaming until the child learns to behave and request things normally. I wouldn't pick up one of mine if it screamed either.

Ugh. Hideous.

Katela18 · 22/03/2022 13:52

My DD is going through a stage of doing this when she is having a tantrum / not getting what she wants.

I always try to kneel down to her level and talk to her, ask her what she is upset about, tell her to calm down and then talk to me etc in a gentle way. However, she is 2 and a half and I also would never let it go on for that long without some comfort or interaction.

Personally this would distress me to the point i wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it. I think i would have to call and express to the nursery your concerns. There might be a reason but it still doesn't seem right for such a little child.

pointythings · 22/03/2022 14:01

Mine was one of those toddlers for a while - she'd been in nursery a long time but hit the separation anxiety stage.

Nursery were fabulous and never left her without support. They didn't constantly pick up and carry, but distracted, engaged, read to - whatever it took and it have her the confidence to settle. Walking away doesn't feel like a good way to manage this.

thebabynanny · 22/03/2022 14:18

Nursery staff are human too and it can be very hard work to spend all day with a high-needs child. They're not going to respond 100% perfectly every time.

If you want to speak to the nursery do so, at least they would then know this is noticeable from the outside world. Don't expect the nursery to be able to tell you anything about an individual child though.

The kind of care a child gets at nursery is never going to be the same as what they'd get at home though. Nursery staff should avoid lifting children as much as possible for their own health and safety and good nurseries will discourage staff from picking up walking children unless absolutely necessary.

SirenSays · 22/03/2022 14:26

I started working at a nursery where we had a little boy who wanted to be held every single minute of the day. Putting them down resulted in the screaming you're talking about. If you tried to interact with this child in another way, like talking or distracting with a book or even if you just look at him. Then he'd become more distressed and bang his head off the floor. So the instruction from room manager was to completely ignore the child until he was calm enough and absolutely never pick them up in this state. As far as I know this was agreed with parents.

Geranium1984 · 22/03/2022 14:30

Awwww poor little girl.
I think perhaps you could contact the nursery manager, perhaps by email. Obviously they won't really be able to comment on the individual child but hopefully they will raise it with the carer.
You could also raise it with the council/ofstead which would hopefully give the nursery a kick up the backside.

I get they can't go round picking all the kids up but at least getting down to her level and playing would be withing their job remit!

Is really nice you're looking out for her xx

Bagelsandbrie · 22/03/2022 14:45

I’d look online and try and find the managers email and email with a description of the child and the times it’s happening. At least then you’ll feel you’ve done your best. If I was the parent of that child I’d be very sad to find out that was happening.

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