Do you treat mental illness in the same way you would physical illness?

PandoraVictoria · 2022-03-21T22:34:50+00:00

Just wondering because I'm feeling like a fraud today and that I've let my family down 😔 I have bipolar disorder and some things have happened recently that mean I'm just struggling to live normally. The last straw today was that I woke up to find my bank account hacked - every last penny gone. Fraud team investigating, obviously, but no quick solution. So I put on my pyjamas and got back into bed. I feel as unable to function as I do when I'm physically unwell. My poor dp has been at work all day and he had to cook dinner and walk the dog when he got home because I just couldn't. It's like I have flu, that level of illness, but it's only mentally. Does anyone else feel the same way??

Original poster

PandoraVictoria · 21/03/2022 22:36

Oh and the house is a tip. Bins need emptying, carpets vacuumed, kitchen cleaned. Honestly it's a total mess and I just cannot face it. I'm usually so on top of everything 😔

OP posts:

Nospringchix · 21/03/2022 23:20

I can relate, have been there with depression.
Hope things get better for you soon.

NannyGythaOgg · 22/03/2022 01:05

To me, in some ways, it is even more debilitating.

I am far more likely to push through (some) physical pain. Especially as I know what has caused it and whether resting or pushing through is the best option.

With mental stuff it is much harder. There are certain things that even thinking about cause me stress so I shut them down. Rightly or wrongly I don't know. I do know I find them more distressing than physical pain

DonnieDark · 22/03/2022 01:11

I have bipolar too and I definitely relate - it's almost painful to do anything, my whole body is telling me to just lie down

BlueSummerBaby · 22/03/2022 01:15

Yes it's the same. Mental illness can be a disability for some people. Even if it isn't so bad as that for you, it might still stop you functioning from time to time. Flu or a broken limb isn't a disability but both stops people doing things occasionally. If your ill, you're ill. Regardless of whether the symptoms are physical or mental. That's why it's called illness instead of being called faking or laziness. Mental illness is just as real as physical illness.

MarmiteCoriander · 22/03/2022 01:25

I'm so sorry this has happened, and its awful- I know! I deal with the stress daily life has as best I can, but I don't have a mental illness. Yes, I've had my account hacked and skimmed, but putting on PJs and going to bed wasn't my 1st thought! I tried to sort the issue and stop any further transaction taking place! That was MY first thought!

Do you have a MH team for support? Are you on meds/therapy for support? Do you have children?

Weatherwax13 · 22/03/2022 01:32

I sympathise.
I have bipolar and CPTSD.
I also have a neurological disorder.
The neurological thing is getting worse and causing a hell of a lot of pain and fatigue, plus I'm a bit unsteady now..
But the bipolar disorder has had a far greater negative impact on my life.

BookkeeperBobby · 22/03/2022 01:41

Yes and no. Yes in the sense that it can have physical manifestations and repercussions. Also in the sense that there are times when (eg after surgery) one does need to just rest and others when (eg in the case of some back strains) a little gentle activity will alleviate difficulties.

No in the sense that the diagnosis is not as clear cut as eg looking at a broken bone on an x-ray or reading blood test results because the mind is not physical and decoding it is not a physiological act. Nor is treating it. Although physical actions (eg taking pills, sleeping, exercising etc) do affect the mood/thought processes just as mood/thought processes have some effect on the physical body.

A problem within oneself is a problem regardless of how one categorises it though. And each of us must do what we feel best to try to feel better and if possible recover, taking into account our limitations and circumstances and in these situations guilt is a waste of energy.

Trisaratops · 22/03/2022 08:24

I completely empathise. Deal with the situation how YOU need to!

Long term sufferer of severe agoraphobia, depression, self harm, BPD, GAD, monophobia, bulimia, suicidal tendencies ... there's a lot!

When I was in a relationship I always felt like I couldn't ever 'be' me, I couldn't share my depression, my fears, my struggles - but now, being single, if I'm having a shit time dealing with 'life' - I do what's right for me without judgement.

Kindness to yourself is amazing help. Don't worry that your partner has had to do more today - he's your partner and is there to support you. Mental struggles affect EVERY aspect of our lives including making us feel physically unwell..... it's crap - but it's just how it is....

Hope you get your bank issue sorted x

Original poster

PandoraVictoria · 22/03/2022 09:53

@MarmiteCoriander

I'm so sorry this has happened, and its awful- I know! I deal with the stress daily life has as best I can, but I don't have a mental illness. Yes, I've had my account hacked and skimmed, but putting on PJs and going to bed wasn't my 1st thought! I tried to sort the issue and stop any further transaction taking place! That was MY first thought!

Do you have a MH team for support? Are you on meds/therapy for support? Do you have children?

I did phone the bank and report the fraud, sorry should have said. Who knows what will happen.....

But yes, after that I just couldn't function for some reason. Staying in bed didn't make me happier, it just protected me from the outside world.

I am on a lot of meds which do a brilliant job of keeping me stable, but the bottom line is that meds will only go so far, it's other lifestyle changes that will bring max stability for me and I try my best.

I have two children but they're older - 21 and 15. The 15 yr old went to live with her father because of my erratic behaviour about a year ago (didn't recognise it at the time). It's been a slow process to repair that relationship but we are getting somewhere now.

I have the most amazing partner. He is 100% supportive, he looks after me on my down days and never complains.

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Original poster

PandoraVictoria · 22/03/2022 09:54

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate the responses, it's comforting to know I'm not alone in this.

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MRSAHILL · 22/03/2022 10:10

I hope you are okay and I'm so sorry this has happened and has been the final straw for you, making you retreat to bed. My husband is mentally ill (psychosis, severe depression and GAD) He would also retreat to bed if something like this happened, but only after having a full blown panic attack, so I understand completely. However, and this is no way a criticism of you, but I sympathise with your partner too. He can't also retreat to bed. Someone has to sort everything out and keep things ticking over. When my dh became mentally ill I felt devastated for him but also, perhaps selfishly, for myself, as suddenly I was expected to sort everything out and run everything by myself. I became like a single parent, not only to my son but also to my husband, who just cannot cope with daily life. Yes, I know if he had a physical illness I'd still have to do everything myself, but at least id be able to talk to him about stuff, make joint decisions etc but his mental illness means he just retreats to bed and I have to pick up all the pieces by myself. Please don't think I'm criticising you, I absolutely am not, I'm just saying that mental illness affects the whole family, that's why it's so terrible and I hope you are getting the help you need.

wildthingsinthenight · 22/03/2022 10:17

Totally understand OP. Not bipolar but GAD and depression. My bed/bedroom is my safe place. I also have a very supportive partner and it makes all the difference.
So sorry you are having difficult times

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 22/03/2022 11:22

I think it depends.

In some ways yes I think it can be similar to a dose of flu - feeling terrible/exhaustion etc ? Treatment with sleep, fluids, tv with easy to watch tv shows. Checking in by people regularly.

Original poster

PandoraVictoria · 22/03/2022 14:19

@MRSAHILL

I hope you are okay and I'm so sorry this has happened and has been the final straw for you, making you retreat to bed. My husband is mentally ill (psychosis, severe depression and GAD) He would also retreat to bed if something like this happened, but only after having a full blown panic attack, so I understand completely. However, and this is no way a criticism of you, but I sympathise with your partner too. He can't also retreat to bed. Someone has to sort everything out and keep things ticking over. When my dh became mentally ill I felt devastated for him but also, perhaps selfishly, for myself, as suddenly I was expected to sort everything out and run everything by myself. I became like a single parent, not only to my son but also to my husband, who just cannot cope with daily life. Yes, I know if he had a physical illness I'd still have to do everything myself, but at least id be able to talk to him about stuff, make joint decisions etc but his mental illness means he just retreats to bed and I have to pick up all the pieces by myself. Please don't think I'm criticising you, I absolutely am not, I'm just saying that mental illness affects the whole family, that's why it's so terrible and I hope you are getting the help you need.

I completely agree with you. It IS hard for the other person - maybe harder because not only is there the increased responsibility and daily pressures, they also have to contend with worry for their partner and what may lie ahead.

My partner sometimes has bouts of depression and I always pick up the slack when he's just not feeling up to it. It's what partners do, isn't it? There to support one another.

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MRSAHILL · 23/03/2022 12:33

It must be so difficult if you both suffer bouts of depression. It sounds like you are there for each other though, which, as you say, is what partners do for each other, so you should never feel as if you are a burden/letting family down etc. You have a genuine illness,don't ever feel like a fraud. I do find that people who have no experience of mental health issues are more understanding of physical illness than mental illness, which is such a shame. I sometimes feel as if people think my husband should be better by now, which I don't believe they would think if he had an illness/disability they could actually "see".

calmdowndeepbreaths · 23/03/2022 16:22

I love reading people who have supportive partners with their mental illness, I wasn't so lucky ... mine made me feel like a burden and that it was a choice :-(

Wishing you all the best OP. You're not alone at all. I go through this hell singlehandedly whilst being a single parent too. It's challenging x

MRSAHILL · 23/03/2022 16:51

@calmdowndeepbreaths I am so sorry that your partner was not supportive of your mental illness. I don't know how you cope, being a single parent too. If my husband had been single, I honestly don't think he'd have carried on living, he certainly would not have been able to live independently. I hope you are able to find support from somewhere, no one should have to cope alone. 💐

calmdowndeepbreaths · 23/03/2022 23:38

@MRSAHILL

Thank you!

Its hard but it's better to be alone than to made to feel guilty for having mental health issues. Don't get me wrong, I know it's hard to be with someone who suffers ANY illness, but I'm from the school of, if you love someone, you support them.....no matter what. He didn't feel that way. He wanted to do what he wanted and sadly me and my mental illnesses didn't fit into that.

It's okay. Now.
We don't talk at all anymore (he took the high road and blocked me everywhere, really wanted me gone), but I've forgiven him mentally and released the hurt I felt for feeling abandoned.

I frequentIy want to end my life because it is too hard.. being this way since I was 16 (now 46) takes it toll, but I'm still here, still fighting, still hopeful that one day someone will see the good in me... not just the issues :-)

Xxx

XenoBitch · 24/03/2022 00:09

To answer the question, no, I do not treat them the same.
A lot of physical aliments, you can have surgery, pill etc to sort, and the problem will go away.
Mental illness takes a whole lot more than than that. The patient needs to put in effort too.

But when some everyday issues happen, it can hit those with MH issues for six...

MRSAHILL · 24/03/2022 00:19

@calmdowndeepbreaths it sounds like it was his loss. He doesn't sound worthy of your love. If he was so self absorbed and so fickle that he discarded you so easily when you became ill and needed him most, then it was him that wasn't good enough for you, not the other way around. You sound like a strong and brave person and I hope you can fight those feelings of despair you have been suffering from for years. I hope you have support and that one day you will meet someone who can see past your mental health issues and is deserving of your love xx

calmdowndeepbreaths · 24/03/2022 07:02

@MRSAHILL

Taken me a while to realise that... but I know that now! I know i deserve love/support...

Thank you so much for your response xxx