Finding it hard being a mum

[Newmum2127]

I’m a mum of a 12 month old and I’m finding it really tough, I’m back at work and feel like my child is either always sick or teething, her sleep is all over the place, some nights she is great, next night awful, I’m so tired I just get her into bed with me because I can’t be bothered with the drama. I’m tired and never have any time to myself, I feel like other people seem to enjoy being a mum but I struggle to be honest. It’s just constant work and my lo has really started figuring out their likes and dislikes and is super clingy with me but not others or my partner. I feel like I just want to be left alone. What can I do ? How can I feel better ? I want to enjoy it more and loosen up but I struggle, I think I’m putting too much pressure on myself all day everyday. I wake up and I’m already worrying about picking my lo up from her nans after work and what if she falls asleep in the car, what if I can’t get her to sleep tonight ... surely that’s not normal ? I hate how much I think about things !

I found 12 months a difficult age, getting back into work and establishing a routine was tricky. I often felt the same, it seemed relentless at times. There always seemed to be some illness or teething that was causing an issue. I remember both dc being up for the day at 5:30am at that age, wanting breakfast! I'm not sure how I did it now! But it will get easier, you will get more time to yourself. It's a big adjustment.

Working and having a baby is hard work! Honestly, it's normal that it feels hard. Anyone who says otherwise has a very easy baby / loads of practical help / doesn't remember / is lying! And when they start childcare there are so many new germs, they get ill so often. It's brutal for a while. All I can suggest is make sure you and your partner really do share the load, take offers of help, ask for help and try to get outside each day - even for ten minutes walk around the block in silence, alone at night. My ex and I alternated nights to do bedtime which saved my sanity.

Take time for a breather, so rope in your OH to make sure things are split more equally or friends/family to help out for a couple of hours when you need. To go to the shop on your own, or get your hair done, maybe see a friend by yourself. Your baby will survive with someone else whilst you take the time needed for you, even though clingy.

12 months is really tough, the developments at that age are huge, walking and talking are on their way. They start to understand you can walk away and leave them there, etc. At the same time it's good for them to know you can leave but will come back.

The falling asleep in the car was something mine did too, then be up until 11pm and I'd have no time for myself. OH doing a few days if he can is the best case scenario really. However, now I think about those days, we should have whacked on some TV that was appropriate enough to have on and let DC play in the playpen just a bit longer, rather than stressing for hours on end. Alternatively, put DC to bed with soft toys and a soft book and try to read in the same room.

I want you to know that mum's don't often admit to each other the co-sleeping for an easy life or how hard it is with their DC unless you know them very well. We've been there and it is hard but you will get through it. It lasts for such a short amount of time which you will see with hindsight.

It's a really tough age, I think. I've had 3 and I found around 8-18 months really tough, especially in terms of sleep. I promise it does get easier.

Your partner needs to step up. He can start by giving you a full night of uninterrupted sleep.

Aww, sending love your way. I know how you feel. I’m off of maternity still and dreading going back to my day job but I’ve started up a business while I’ve been off doing online orders. It means I need to do them all when LO is in bed at night. I’m up til late (hence the comment at 1:15am🤣) every night trying to get the work done in time so that I don’t have to abandon him the next morning until I do it. It’s just a constant cycle of stress. If I separate the two though I do think I’m extremely lucky to have got such a good sleeper and he is a generally easy baby most of the time so I really can’t complain but it’s just blowing my mind trying to figure out how I could add even more into my day by going back to my actual day job even part time. I’ll literally pick him up and see him for an hour at night if that 🤦🏼‍♀️ Then when he goes to bed I’ll have to do my orders and be knackered for work the following day! I don’t know how you’re meant to do it.

You sound like an over thinker like me. I think it makes everything 10X harder when you think of every worst case scenario way before the situation has even come about. I really don’t have any advice to give you but that feeling of juggling a million things at once is definitely normal to have, I think being an over thinker just makes the internal running commentary much louder which makes the whole thing way more stressful 🙈

Thanks everyone for your comments, nice to know I’m not alone and it will get easier in time. I’m just burnt out and I know it, but as you all know, you don’t have the opportunity to ‘fill your cup’ as a mum, I feel like I would literally need a week to myself at this point. My partner works a mix of nights and days, the nights make it really tough, I’m on my own a lot and have been since the start so that’s also contributed massively to me feeling like this. I can feel myself getting shorter with my baby and it makes me so sad, it’s not how I want it to be but even getting her dressed is now becoming stressful. I just wish I could skip forward or go and hide away on my own for a while. Makes me think I would never cope with a second, I don’t think I could have a second whilst my partner still works nights, the lack of support in the evenings is when I need it most. He works so irregularly aswell, no set pattern, so every week is different and that makes it even more difficult ... sorry moan and rant over haha