Neighbour on WhatsApp - How to handle?

[LordRainInME]

There's a bloke who lives about three doors up from me. We chat on the street occasionally when we bump into each other. He's alright to chat to, never had weird vibes from him or anything.

A few months ago I took in a parcel for him and we kept missing each other so when I eventually caught him, we agreed it'd have been good if we'd have each others numbers. Nothing weird at all.

The other day I mentioned I wanted some work doing in the house. Yesterday he dropped round his mate's (joiner) business card and also his number (he can do odd jobs).

I messaged him on WhatsApp to say "Here's my number in case of other post-related mix-ups"

We had a bit of a chat about the weather, all fine. Then he said that he sends 'some daft stuff' over WhatsApp. I ignored that.

Then today's he's sent me a really long, lame joke. Not totally 'inappropriate' but the punchline is "You're a wanker".

I'm not a prude at all. I'm not opposed to dirty jokes when they're from a friend and when they're actually funny rather than schoolboy humour. But I don't really know this guy. It feels intrusive. I'm also wondering if he's pushing boundaries, seeing what he can get away with.

It feels too early to tell him to stop. Blocking feels very disproportionate. So what do I do? I don't know WhatsApp etiquette - I've only been on WhatsApp for a couple of months.

I also have to put up with DP's inevitable "I told you so"

Well he’s either after friendship from you or something more. I’d just stop replying and he’ll soon get the message. If he doesn’t then block him.

Just ignore anything you don’t want him to send 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would just ignore any messages that aren't parcel related. If he asks you about just say you aren't much of a messager.

And I probably wouldn't use his mate for any work.

Just don’t reply

I have this all the time on FB messenger.

He sounds a helpful guy but just doesn’t have the same sense of humour as you.

Just reply with, please don’t send me jokes, it’s not my sense at all.

I wouldn't just ignore.

Send a polite message back saying you would prefer not to be included in any further messages like this. You hardly know him, you don't need to justify why.

If he pesters you then block

Yeah, I'm not going to use his mate for work so no trouble on that front.

When you say 'ignore' do you mean just not open/read? Or open and read but just don't reply? Because the former says "I can't even be bothered to read your messages" while the latter, to me, says "I'm still interested in what you might be saying"

Sorry, I'm embarrassingly bad at this.

No the latter means, I'll read what you have to say in case it's relevant and/important, but I won't reply because that's not funny /you're a dick.

In terms of etiquette, a WhatsApp message to just you is just the same as a text.

Excellent, thank you!

Writing this, I realise that I'm actually angry. Since joining WhatsApp, I've connected with loads of lovely women and groups. It sounds daft but WhatsApp is a really happy place for me. I feel like he's invaded that. I know that's stupid and related to my personal use of WhatsApp but still

@LordRainInME

Yeah, I'm not going to use his mate for work so no trouble on that front.

When you say 'ignore' do you mean just not open/read? Or open and read but just don't reply? Because the former says "I can't even be bothered to read your messages" while the latter, to me, says "I'm still interested in what you might be saying"

Sorry, I'm embarrassingly bad at this.

Read and don’t reply. Which indicates ‘I have no response to what you just said’.

Can I ask how old you are, OP? Just interested, as this level of analysis of What’s App messaging is a bit unusual.

Just don’t reply.

I'm 36 but I feel like I'm arriving at WhatsApp late so I'm not always sure of the informal 'rules'

Tricky one! Maybe reply and say you’re too busy for messages that aren’t aimed at you??? I’d be mad too tbh. I’d be tempted to block. Maybe the adult thing to do is next time you see him say in person that you’ve only just joined WhatsApp, are getting overwhelmed with messages and think it’s best to keep to text?

Mute him
It will soon drop off .

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Mute him It will soon drop off .

Do you mean mute notifications?

He's a neighbour who you have a civil relationship with and sometimes end up with each others post.
I wouldn't block him but I would just not bother responding to messages I didn't find interesting. And stop overthinking whatapp!

@pjani

Tricky one! Maybe reply and say you’re too busy for messages that aren’t aimed at you??? I’d be mad too tbh. I’d be tempted to block. Maybe the adult thing to do is next time you see him say in person that you’ve only just joined WhatsApp, are getting overwhelmed with messages and think it’s best to keep to text?

I understand your point but I'm also a bit reluctant to lie about it. I'm not too busy, I'm not overwhelmed. I just don't want men I hardly know sending me pathetic jokes where the punchline is wanking.

Hit the GIF button in your keyboard area, enter 'tumbleweed' into its search box, hit the magnifying box, then scroll through the options until you find one you like. Then send it. It's free.

Mute him.

You can also archive his messages so next time he sends you something you won't get a notification, there will be a (1) at the top under archived so less intrusive too.

@pjani

Tricky one! Maybe reply and say you’re too busy for messages that aren’t aimed at you??? I’d be mad too tbh. I’d be tempted to block. Maybe the adult thing to do is next time you see him say in person that you’ve only just joined WhatsApp, are getting overwhelmed with messages and think it’s best to keep to text?

But, wouldn't he just text the 'jokes' instead?!

Go into your WhatsApp privacy settings, turn off last seen and read receipts. Then neither he or anyone else will know what you've seen and what you haven't, or when you've been online, so you no longer need to worry about what impression that's giving off.
Then just don't reply to the joke, only message him again when you have a need to. If he mentions it in the street just say "oh yeah I saw it". Doesn't need anything else, lots of people don't reply to WhatsApps if there isn't a direct conversation or question

I think its fine to reply that you don't find these sorts of jokes funny and please don't send anymore.
Thats not as offensive as the joke to you is it?
We have a relative who doesn't enjoy the jokes that get passed around. We know this because they said so. So we don't send them anymore.
Communication should be easy. With all the different ways we have. But it just gets harder doesn't it?

These are all such great tips, thank you! I'm just learning my way around WhatsApp

@Frigginintheriggin Yep, technically communicating gets easier because so many people are in such easy reach but also gets more and more fraught