Where am I going wrong with my 2 year old

[luna32]

DD is 2 and a half and is absolutely uncontrollable.

She just doesn't listen or do anything I ask her to.

She keeps hitting her baby sister
She tantrums all day everyday. If she drops something on the floor she would scream until I get it rather than ask me to get it for her using her words.
Always looks for the most dangerous thing to do.

If I take her to the park she never uses aged appropriate slides for example. She always has to go up the highest ones where only children aged 5 and above would

I went for a coffee & cake with my nct friends and their daughters. And all the others were sitting nicely at the table eating their cake and listening to their mums whilst my daughter refused to sit for a minute, screamed and had 100 tantrums .. kept pushing the other girls .. where am I going wrong?
I love her to bits but sometimes I'm embarrassed of her behaviour 😞 she does get told off when she's being naughty such as pushing other children and I do try to explain why she shouldn't do it but she laughs in my face and carries on doing it.

I feel like a massive failure and I'm slowly getting anxious about taking her anywhere. Everywhere we go we end up attracting attention

She’s pushing children at nursery too you said? What consequences are they using? can you ask for their advice and ask if they can help you with behaviour strategies? They can help her with working towards goals, you can work together with them.

I work in a nursery we often have parents come to us for advice about behaviour.

My dd was horrendous until she started school. DGS took after her too.
2 year olds are yelly, screamy and pushy and I’m afraid in her head she’s shouting how dare you have a baby and take all the attention away from me ( stamps foot) She will get past this and so will you.
As pps have said, keep it simple, tell her how she’s expected to behave. Any hitting just no, we don’t hit. Maybe try taking her to a cafe just you and her a few times? Might give her a different outlook on it.

( my first dd was positively angelic so dd2 ‘s behaviour was a shock. She was fine after she started school and had lots of friends, enjoyed school, college and Uni and is a very nice adult! They don’t stay 2 year olds, thank God)