Is it too late to send a condolence card / gift?

[Hellooooo754]

My friend’s father died about a month ago. I have been meaning to send a card / flowers, but I’ve had a bit of a tough MH month, so i got a little self involved and didn’t. I’ve been feeling incredibly shitty for NOT sending anything as I want my friend to know I’m thinking of her.

Anyway is a month too late to send a condolence card? Or am I just a crappy friend now?

Has the funeral taken place yet? If not, I'd drop it in with apologies, if it has then I wouldn't send anything.

Anything condolence related. Imo a bottle of wine or box of chocs and a chance to chat are always appreciated! (posted too soon in my last post!)

I would send a card and flowers saying I was thinking of them, but not a specific condolence card.

No, of course it's not too late. I'm sure your friend will appreciate the thought. Often, it's once the funeral is over that your loss really starts to sink in, just as everyone stops asking how you are.

Please do. There's a point where everyone that was there around the death seems to slip away. That's the time that true friends are needed.

I think it's still fine to send something. Maybe a less specific card but please do get in touch

Not too late at all

Anyway is a month too late to send a condolence card? Or am I just a crappy friend now?

Definitely not.

It's really fine to send a card now but don't just do just. Please call or ask if they'd like to meet. The time after the funeral, when 'normal' life resumes, is the hardest.

Did you acknowledge the death at all? If not, I would make sure to apologise for that, as I would expect a close friend to at least text or call.

I found after DP died there were a lot of people around for the first month but contact became less, life moves on for others. I’m sure your friend will welcome a sincere card ( thinking if you is enough, doesn’t have to be a sympathy card) and some flowers or take her out for coffee.

Definitely not too late. If anything, you getting in touch now, when the initial flurry of cards and messages has died down, will be even more appreciated.

Send what you would have sent if you could when it first happened. It truly is better late then never in this case.

I did acknowledge the death as soon as I heard - we had a conversation over WhatsApp. But that was maybe 3 weeks ago (I heard a week after he died), and have been feeling guilty and annoyed with myself ever since that I didn’t at least send a card so she’d know she had lots of people out there who love her.

Thank you for your replies - I will take your suggestions to send something and a ‘thinking of you’ card rather than condolence and an invite to go and get a coffee / drink!

I think the idea of a thinking of you card is a good one …. Your friend will still be grieving , a month isn’t very long really

I would not want to receive chocolate/wine etc - it’s not a happy gifting occasion

I would - there is a lot of attention and car in the time between the death and the funeral, but for most people the grief & realisation only starts to set in after the funeral - I would appreciate a card or acknowledgment at this point, personally.

Please don't feel guilty or annoyed with yourself. You've been in touch & you will contact her now again.

It's now she needs you & it's good you'll be there for her 💐