Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Who got the job?

22 replies

Serena1977 · 18/03/2022 18:21

I had an interview for my first teaching job this week, I'm a trainee teacher. My mother doesn't approve of this career decision. When I said I wanted to be a teacher years ago, she listed all the reasons I shouldn't. (You wont be able to hack it, you're too fat, you have a blood phobia and kids graze their knees etc)
Fast forward to now, with my husband's encouragement, I got onto the course.

I rang her tonight and she said "who got the job?" She didn't say "did you get the job?"

Is there a difference between those two questions? It feels like she was saying, well I know you wouldn't have got the job obviously, so I don't need to ask that question but who did get the job?

I said "I dont know who got the job but it wasn't me".

She said "did they not tell you who got it?"

I said " no they didn't, but it doesn't really matter to me because I didn't."

I feel more shit about my mum's constant put downs rather than not getting the job.

OP posts:

Bakingwithmyboys · 18/03/2022 18:35

Teachers can go through many interviews before they find their job. Even the experienced ones.

You got to interview stage, they see that you are going to be a teacher. So many schools are harsh before the interview stage these days.

I know it's hard because she is your Mum, but you have a dream that you are following because you can. She clearly doesn't see the good in teaching (few people outside do).

Keep your head up and keep going. Just think how amazing it will be to show her what you can do when you have your first class.

SewingBees · 18/03/2022 19:25

You're right to be pissed off at your mum's question. She had assumed you hadn't got the job and made a point of ensuring you knew that.

What would she have said if you had got it? Something negative I'd bet.

As pp said keep your chin up and don't lose hope. It's hard to accept rejection but it won't always be that way. And do whatever you need to do to stop your mum's negativity from affecting you.

Xpologog · 18/03/2022 19:30

Another joyless mother.
When I phoned my mother to say I was graduating with my teacher degree she said “ it’s not a proper degree like your brother’s. He says you’re getting a certificate”
No idea why they do it.
There’ll be other interviews, and you learn a bit from each one. Don’t lose heart, maybe your mother’s jealous of you.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs

cherrypiepie · 18/03/2022 19:32

Sorry you didn't get the job.

Very tactless and crass thing to say I agree. I'd be hurt too.

Toomanypeople · 18/03/2022 19:39

That would be the last time I told her about an interview before getting a job. Best of luck for the next one 🤞

MrsLargeEmbodied · 18/03/2022 19:45

she is unsupportive
dont involve her in future imo

MrsLargeEmbodied · 18/03/2022 19:45

not supportive i am sorry

Original poster

Serena1977 · 18/03/2022 20:14

I'm sat here crying, not because of the bloody job but because of what she said.

Over my 45 years she has destroyed my self esteem so I have none and now I didnt get this job, it feels like my rubbishness that she has pushed into my mind has been confirmed all along. The job wasn't perfect but I was desperate for it so I could prove to her that I am worth it.

OP posts:

FTEngineerM · 18/03/2022 20:16

She sounds like an arsehole.
Please don’t put energy into providing anything to this soul sucker.

FTEngineerM · 18/03/2022 20:17

Providing = proving

EmmaC78 · 18/03/2022 20:19

I just wouldn't bother telling her in future tbh. It sounds like you have a supportive husband so share the good/bad news with him in future and avoid the unnecessary stress and upset your mother brings.

YerWanIsGettinNotions · 19/03/2022 07:32

@EmmaC78

This, exactly.

It can take a lot of time to outgrow the insecurity and imposter syndrome that comes from having constantly critical parents (I would know!)

But you do need to distance yourself in order to put it behind you and focus on working towards your goals. The put downs and criticisms are a distraction. You have support elsewhere. Put your mother on an information diet. The less she knows, the less she can weaponise it.

(I had to start hanging up on my mother as soon as she said anything about my job to train her to leave some topics alone. And I didn't speak to my dad, the worst one, on the phone for months at a time, which really helped.)

NameGoesHere · 19/03/2022 07:37

Stop talking to her…. And congrats on YOU getting the job. Dry your eyes and have a celebratory drink with your husband. Your mum is quite frankly, it seems, a bitch and is jealous of you perhaps and what you’re achieving?

PegasusReturns · 19/03/2022 07:38

Im sorry you didn’t get the job, you got interview experience and there’ll be other opportunities.

Going low contact with my critical, overbearing mother was the best thing I ever did. Life is much happier for it.

If that isn’t for you at least stop telling her stuff and expecting approval. My life is amazing. I’m not saying that to boast, but objectively I couldn’t want for anything: happily married, 4 amazing DC, incredibly successful work wise. But given an opportunity she’ll still criticise.

Realising that it didn’t matter what I did she’d always be negative was transformational and I eventually genuinely stopped caring what she thinks.

Chatwin · 19/03/2022 07:45

Your mother sounds awful, I would really recommend reducing contact and investing in some counselling for yourself.

Don't tell her about future interviews. And good luck, the right job for you is out there.

JadeJeans · 19/03/2022 08:12

Your mother is a dementor. Don't share your plans and hopes with her. You may need therapy to be able to untangle from this unhealthy relationship, you have been conditioned to get negative attention from your mum and will be instinctively seeking this out.

Cut the cord, get therapy, work on your CV and interview skills and go and get that job. Once you are an experienced teacher, you will be able to give love and positivity to the children you teach and be rid of that horrible toxic cycle. Your mum will have her own dip seated reasons fo why she is so unhelpful and unkind but that's not your problem.

OP, you can do this but you may need help to recognise what your mums has done to you and move away from that.

In terms of 'fatness' whether you are overweight or not, who the hell cares? Some of the best teachers my dc have had were rather plummy and the most horrid and spiteful one was a very vain and fit looking infant school teacher. my dc still remembers how horrid this teacher who scrubs up well was to them and the kindness shown by the teaching assistant who simply didn't follow nato skinny teachers mean instructions.

What I'm saying is, no matter your size, polish your interview skills, detach from you mother, look after yourself and get that teaching job, I have a feeling that you will do amazingly!!

JadeJeans · 19/03/2022 08:13

*own dip seated - oh dear "deep"

Snowdropsarelovely · 19/03/2022 08:16

Well done on getting the interview, it's so disappointing not to get the job (it happened to me last week!) If you are an ECT, which is what I guess from your post that I am certain there will be plenty of other jobs come up for you. This is still really early to be looking for a post and I hope you will find the school that is the right fit for you. Despite my disappointment of not getting promoted last week I still absolutely love teaching, it's a great career. Ignore your mum!!

mariepopp · 19/03/2022 08:17

Stop talking to your mum, she sounds toxic. Being a teacher is a rewarding job and her opinion needs to be kept to herself.

Don't let her get you down & keep your head high.

GreenLunchBox · 19/03/2022 08:18

@PegasusReturns

Im sorry you didn’t get the job, you got interview experience and there’ll be other opportunities.

Going low contact with my critical, overbearing mother was the best thing I ever did. Life is much happier for it.

Realising that it didn’t matter what I did she’d always be negative was transformational and I eventually genuinely stopped caring what she thinks.

^^This right here

superram · 19/03/2022 08:35

My first teaching interview, I fell over. Nit just a stumble, full on arse over tit down 3 stairs. I didn’t get the job. I think I got the job at my 3rd interview and not got ones since. Everything happens fir a reason. I would reduce the contact if it was my mum and certainly not mention anymore interviews!

ninnynonny · 19/03/2022 08:42

My mother was exactly the same. All the ambitions I had, she told me to 'stop being silly' 'stop showing off', 'you can't do that'. It was a complex childhood - just me and her from when I was small; and i became the one thing she could control.
It's narcissism, toxicity and all the other words you can think of, but you can escape it. Mine has been dead for a few years now and I'm only just beginning to heal; but it doesn't have to be that way. YOU know you are good enough, so please don let her pull you down

Flip