Adoption abroad

[michelleand]

Dear all, I'm here to see if anyone has adopted from abroad and could offer some advice. I considered adopting in the UK but I was very put off by the social worker and charity worker, for a number of reasons. My aunt joined me and she said 'lets try this abroad'. I don't know anyone who has done this (outside of the UK), and little lost as to where to start. I wanted to be a mum for many years but was told I only have a few follicles and chances are low, and with no partner, it's time to bury the past and look forward to being a mum to someone who will need me. Would appreciate any support x

I haven't adopted from abroad but I think legally you still have to go through the full UK approval process to be able to do so.

Can you say more about what put you off?

yes I am pretty sure you need full approval from UK adoption services.

It can be a very expensive drawn out process.
For example, needing to be resident in the country of adoption while the paperwork goes through, means 30 days in a hotel somewhere,and then it is delayed by 2 weeks....

You still need to be approved. It is referred to as Intercountry Adopting and every LA, RAA or voluntary agency will have an ate on their website that tells you if they do or don't run assessments for it. But known that you will still have to go through checks.

I suggest you ask on the Adoption board on mumsnet. In many ways it is much much harder from what I can see.

What put you off the people you talked too?

Thank you for your response! Yes never thought about having to stay in the country of residence so would need to get work plans in order. Thanks for the info

Suggest you sort your user name change and re post in Adoption.

Adopting in UK is broadly free.
Adopting from abroad you have to pay for assessment here and then of course all the costs of going abroad too. I think you have to decide on which country you are adopting from upfront.
There is at least one adopter from abroad who regularly posts on the adoption board.

Thanks for the information, much appreciated. What needs sorting with my username? New to Mumsnet.

your username has changed between your opening post and now, normally you shouldn't namechange within a thread but I'm guessing it wasn't intentional

@andreasofandrea

Thanks for the information, much appreciated. What needs sorting with my username? New to Mumsnet.

you have 2 users names.

One in your Opening Post, and one now.

Either is fine, but if you wanted your posts about adoption to be under a different name to your other posts, you need to choose which one!

The adoption boards are full of helpful stuff. You can do a search on there and probably find quite a few threads covering this topic to help you

I know someone who adopted a 3 year old boy from Thailand (this was about 10 years ago). She had started the adoption journey 12 years earlier, and they faced many hurdles. They were an older couple, I think she was 45 when he came home. She found him coming home very stressful, he obviously didn't have a word of English, had never used cutlery or slept in a proper bed. I remember her saying she was very relieved to be back to work after 9 months off of adoption leave.

There are a lot of things to consider:

Firstly the cost which others have already touched on.

Secondly most children adopted from abroad are living in orphanages rather than in foster care so it’s a whole different life, where they’ve never lived in a home environment.

Then there is the fact you are removing the child from their country and culture of origin. There’s a reason why children are placed where possible with families of the same ethnicity as they are.

Similarly you are going to have a huge language barrier starting out,so the adjustment period will be long and potentially difficult.

It'd cost you an absolute minimum of £15k to get an intercountry assessment done.

Why not have a look at

www.first4adoption.org.uk/

as there are many agencies doing UK adoption that might be more suitable than the 1st one you approached.

@andreasofandrea

Thank you for your response! Yes never thought about having to stay in the country of residence so would need to get work plans in order. Thanks for the info

You're going to have to get work plans in order for a lot longer then the time you need to be away to finalise the adoption.

You say you have no partner. How are you going to manage childcare and child sickness?

I get the impression, which may or may not be true, that a lot of single adopters adopt school age children as that gives more flexibility to keep working. Often adopted children don't cope well with extended time in child care.
You should plan an absolute minimum of 6 months off work, if not a whole year, (if not longer if they struggle with things).

Thank you.

Yes appreciate all the cultural aspects & your post. I was thinking of adopting from the country my parents are from because I speak the same language & understand the culture, & have a huge family there who would be more than happy to let me stay with them.

I see! Thanks for clarifying the username. Thanks for letting me know about these group/s; it will be helpful toread what people advise & their experiences.

Gosh that sounds so stressful. Why did it take so long to process the adoption?

@michelleand

Dear all, I'm here to see if anyone has adopted from abroad and could offer some advice. I considered adopting in the UK but I was very put off by the social worker and charity worker, for a number of reasons. My aunt joined me and she said 'lets try this abroad'. I don't know anyone who has done this (outside of the UK), and little lost as to where to start. I wanted to be a mum for many years but was told I only have a few follicles and chances are low, and with no partner, it's time to bury the past and look forward to being a mum to someone who will need me. Would appreciate any support x

How do you plan to complete the adoption approval process in the UK if you don’t like the social workers, or do you intend on living abroad?

How will you fund the adoption?
How will you both fund the time abroad and get the time off work.

@andreasofandrea

Yes appreciate all the cultural aspects & your post. I was thinking of adopting from the country my parents are from because I speak the same language & understand the culture, & have a huge family there who would be more than happy to let me stay with them.

That I am sure would help a lot.

@andreasofandrea

You would be better off having this moved to the Adoption board.

However -I am a single adopter in the UK.

This is the a specialist adoption agency for international adoption

www.icacentre.org.uk

You still need to be assessed by an adoption agency in the UK. This can cost you as much as £25,000 depending on the agency. Then you have to factor in any costs in the country you are adopting from. Its not a cheap option and you will have to get over any issues you have with the UK processes and SWs because you cannot by pass them.

You need to factor in time required to spend in country plus adoption leave when you get back. The main carer in the UK typically takes a year. How will you finance this?

You will need to be financially stable and have a secure home.

Other things to think about are
return to work -is your employer family friendly , do you have flexible working
can you afford to go part time if you have to
childcare - can cost a small fortune
support network - important particularly for single adopters.

If you happen to have dual nationality you might find a way to set up residence in the other country and be assessed as a local adopter, but that itself would obviously have all sorts of obstacles too...