To not understand why it's outing to mention a hobby, but ok to list out yours and DPs salaries and house value?

[SausagePourHomme]

this is not about a specific thread, more of a common trope on here.

OP weaves around mentioning a particular hobby or job as it's 'outing' even though doing so makes the thread much more difficult to understand.

this has led to more and more use of a phrase I have come to loathe, "think xyz". so for example in trying to avoid naming a type of job someone might type 'think marketing"...does that mean it is marketing? it's something like marketing? Why would it be so identifying to mention that your H works in marketing as though anyone reading it would instantly know it's you?

Now I wouldn't mind this so much if people didn't seem so eager to post their every financial detail on here - salaries, how much savings they have, house value, premium bonds. If you post "i'm on 55k, dh on 70k, we live in a 600k house in london", isn't that just as outing?

Not listing hobbies is the ridiculous one. It’s always bloody cycling.

it IS always cycling!

and the DH is always in 'a senior role'. I find myself looking at the men in senior roles at work, wondering if they are the pain in the arse husband (who doesn't do any housework) to some hapless mumsnetter.

I don't understand why people say 'We're in another country' - do they really think if they say 'We live in France' or 'We're staying in Dubai' they're going to get randomers knocking on their door having tracked them down?!

I know what you mean about the 'outing' hobbies, but actually I get why people feel very able to post salary/ mortgage/ finance details; a lot of folks DON'T discuss stuff like that face to face, so it's very unlikely that they'd be identified online.

I agree that hobbies are very unlikely to be outing (unless very niche) but they are slightly more outing than salary. I know more about my friends’ (and their partners’) hobbies than I do about their salary or the size of their mortgage.

Well, I wouldn't put my salary on here, but I don't agree that hobbies or jobs can't be outing.
There are lots of people who do jobs that few others do.
There are lots of hobbies that not many other folk do.
If you have mentioned in another thread that you live in Manchester or Watford or Halifax, then combine that with a job there is only one position for in the town / City, or only one of a handful, then it doesn't take a lot of looking to identify you.
Ditto, if your hobby isn't a particularly mass participation one, then that will be outing too.

This is really outing but I have 2dc and live in London.

@StartupRepair

This is really outing but I have 2dc and live in London.

Omg does your name begin with L?!

Love when people ask that based on almost no information.

if someone who knows you in-real-life read a thread you posted about 'dh goes cycling every sunday and I don't know what to do about taking my DD (age 3) and DS (age 7) to their karate and modern dance lessons' then there is enough info (maybe) to identify you. Ages and hobbies are the kind of thing people know about their friends

but IRL friends still don't normally know the value your house or your salary, so it is less likely that you would recognise the person who posts about 'how can we afford the nanny when DH is only on 150K'

I'm always baffled as to why MNers feel they have to profusely apologise if they can afford to have/do anything vaguely nice or non essential unless it is property/school related.

You see it all the time. People will literally post 'we'd like to try Mallorca for our holiday this year (I know we are very fortunate, some people can't afford to eat or pay for electricity and we aren't Ukranian) can you recommend a family friendly resort.... or even 'I need to buy a new bookcase, we are so lucky to have spare money to buy furniture with so many people struggling right now' and yet people talk with no inhibition at all about buying the right period detached in the right village or road within catchment of the right school that costs hundreds of £k or even millions as if that's a totally normal thing to do, because it's not about money, it's about prioritising DC education.

@Apandemicyousay

Not listing hobbies is the ridiculous one. It’s always bloody cycling.

Very occasionally it's golf.

The hobby one always makes me laugh.
I really doubt the dh 's hobby is that unusual.
Motor sports, cycling, climbing, running, rugby, golfing, football, gaming. Non of them are unusual.
Neither are children's hobbies.

Whenever someone says their husbands hobby takes up a lot of time, I automatically think bird watching.😁

Sometimes people don’t want to give away what they do for a living/hobby because it will lead to bias in the advice they’re asking for.

For example, if a receptionist felt wrong-done by an overworked nurse, she might not want to give away that detail because so many people would side with the nurses regardless of what she’d done wrong.

Also judging from the huge amount of posts on here which begin; Dh does a hobby which takes up a large part of every weekend and several nights a week.........
Hardly outing.

@BarbaraofSeville

I'm always baffled as to why MNers feel they have to profusely apologise if they can afford to have/do anything vaguely nice or non essential unless it is property/school related.

You see it all the time. People will literally post 'we'd like to try Mallorca for our holiday this year (I know we are very fortunate, some people can't afford to eat or pay for electricity and we aren't Ukranian) can you recommend a family friendly resort.... or even 'I need to buy a new bookcase, we are so lucky to have spare money to buy furniture with so many people struggling right now' and yet people talk with no inhibition at all about buying the right period detached in the right village or road within catchment of the right school that costs hundreds of £k or even millions as if that's a totally normal thing to do, because it's not about money, it's about prioritising DC education.

Usually because some misery sponge will pop up and post about how they’d love to have a holiday but can’t afford to while implying that the OP is over-privileged and selfish for choosing a holiday over housing 200 Ukrainian refugees.

Much like the posters who respond to posts about having an argument with their mother with ‘at least you have a mother, mine died’.

Sometimes it’s not cycling. Sometimes it’s golf.

Terrible outing, obviously, but my DH has no hobbies :)

I don’t discuss finances with my friends or family so salary, savings, etc would in no way be outting.

I’ve never written a post that mention any hobbies I don’t think!

You’re right that people choose very odd and specific details to share while omitting something that would be relevant but much less outing. The one that always surprises me is how specific people are about dates and causes of family bereavements, illnesses or changes in jobs when the actual thread is about something else entirely.

Usually because some misery sponge will pop up and post about how they’d love to have a holiday but can’t afford to while implying that the OP is over-privileged and selfish for choosing a holiday over housing 200 Ukrainian refugees

I get that, but people almost never do the same when talking about having a budget to buy a house that 99% of the population could never afford and using it so they can avoid living near to a good proportion of them.

I have seen people quote messages, verbatim, from their dp. Then claim a tiny detail like their kids ages could be outing.

It your partner comes across that posts it's not the kids ages that will give it away. Tbf, i think if you keep a name a long time, I think if someone could be arsed and suspected they knew in RL they could piece it together.

But I do agree that alot of people post lots of Information that is outing. Then claim a tiny but of information would be outing.

And yes, it's usually cycling

I always assume they have to be living sheltered lives if they think the thousands of MN users are going to pinpoint exactly who their cyclist/ golfing DH are.

Time consuming hobby = cycling
Stressful job = teacher

Feel free to add others...

I think people are disguising their actual dc by lumping them together as "dtwins" sometimes, quite a good idea! Makes me smile when I see dtwins on here.

Also, recently most relationships posts seem to start with "DH and I, married x years, been together 10" like 10 years is the generic long term relationship time period to put.