Not broody person but having a 2nd child?

[MommySharkdadada]

I was not a fan of pregnancy and the baby / toddler years. Some people have said it means I'm not maternal, but that's not true. I adore my DD more than anything. I just found it easier, less slog and more interesting and stimulating the older she got and the more we could communicate verbally.

I do want to "complete" my family by having another. I need to move quick-ish due to my age. But the baby and toddler years really took their toll on both me, my sense of identity, and my marriage and I / we are only just recovering.

Perhaps there are things we can do differently / better next time to make things easier. We have learnt a lot in retrospect. Perhaps we can get more childcare earlier on (not possible last time due to Covid), and perhaps going into it with eyes open will be better? Perhaps now we know a bit more about babies we will be a bit more relaxed about things?

On the other hand, having two DC is no doubt beyond hard work.

DH and I do both want a future with two DC / our family of 4 (if we are so lucky).

Is it worth the 2-3years of more blood sweat and tears, the stress on our marriage and ourselves?

Where do you draw the line?

Is there any possibility it might not be as bad as I'm imagining? Is it a case of grin and bear it?

I wonder if there's anyone out there who felt the same as me about this (as opposed to "baby" people who adore those years and didn't find it boring / hard).

Bump

I have 2 boys who are now 5 and 7. I spent the whole of the second pregnancy dreading going back to breastfeeding, sleepless nights, sick, poo, etc!

Like you I found the baby days really hard work even though I absolutely love my boys.

It was hard work but all worth it and in hindsight it went by so quickly. Now that they are both older it's lovely having two and I'm so glad that I have them both. They enjoy each others company (most of the time) and have a close bond. We go out and do lots of things together and definitely feel complete 😊

Second child is so brilliant as the toddler will love it from day 1 as they will be great friends even with a few years age gap.I wouldn't over think or plan to get honest, if you think you'd like another child just go for it, if you are waiting for the perfect timing you will be waiting forever.

Everyone I know found the second much easier than the first in the sense that you’re more confident in your parenting. Second time parents are also more likely to ask for help.
No one can predict what your potential baby would be like or tell you whether you should or shouldn’t but remember how much you get out of being a parent then decide if the early years are worth it, for you or not. Families come in all shapes and sizes so don’t pressure yourself into what you “should” have.

My second wasn't planned (I'm not a baby person). I was quite happy with one, career back on track, and was pretty davastated when I found out I was pregnant the second time (booked termination, lots of tears etc). She's 25 now and I couldn't love her more. She'll never know how I felt and what I went through with the pregnancy and early days. She tested me in so many ways as she was never "easy", but I can't imagine life without her.

Only you know if it's worth it, but there is nothing wrong in having one child.

I know there's nothing wrong with having only one child. I don't mean to come across as if that's what I'm saying in my OP.

I do very much want a family of 4 with my husband. I just haaaated the pregnancy, birth, baby and young toddler stage is all. I'm trying to find a way to get through it psychologically I think!

@MommySharkdadada

I know there's nothing wrong with having only one child. I don't mean to come across as if that's what I'm saying in my OP.

I do very much want a family of 4 with my husband. I just haaaated the pregnancy, birth, baby and young toddler stage is all. I'm trying to find a way to get through it psychologically I think!

In that case just remember how quickly it flies by! And that there are lots of drugs available 🤣 Do you have a good support network/partner? My pregnancies were awful but my DH is pretty good when I’m not so I slept through a lot of my second and third pregnancies.

Personally I hated it and am not doing it again. I'm an only child myself so fine with the idea of only having one, and I've seen my friends really struggle with a toddler and a newborn. They do not love the baby from day 1! 😳

I do think it would be easier the second time because I know what to expect, but that doesn't mean I want to do it! I had very bad SPD so would almost certainly get that again, and I want to change jobs soon which wouldn't be possible if I had another mat leave.