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Original poster

Advice on this situations where Cafcass want to take child out of school for contact sessions with dad.

24 replies

Raiseyourhand · 16/03/2022 18:15

Basically daughter is being reintroduced to dad after 2.5 year gap. She was meant to have 1 video call which went ahead and then a direct contact session (supervised) for 1 hour for 3 separate weeks after. Three weeks after the video call and I had an email to say that they have made a mistake and it’s all been delayed. They are looking into getting the next court hearing moved back as they can’t complete the sessions before we go back.

They have suggested that they can fit them in but it would require taking daughter out of school for the sessions , that would probably be for a half a day in total each session. They have asked my opinion on this.

I wouldn’t have thought they would suggest taking a child out of school for this. My daughter is 6 and I think has missed enough school.

Obviously the whole thing being delayed is causing distress really for everyone. My ex is abusive so I wish it never happens but my daughter wants to see him.

Would you think it’s right to take a child out of school so that she can see her dad and it be supervised by an officer? I’m worried after not seeing him for so long having to go straight back to school would be overwhelming.

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 16/03/2022 18:33

Actually may be good. School can be requested to write up an behaviour issues with dd post contact. Trying to say no you may appear to be being obstructive.

LemonSqueezy0 · 16/03/2022 18:40

I think they will expect you to look at the bigger picture. I'm not disputing that he was abusive but if they are encouraging contact, then anything you do to frustrate that will be noted, if you see what I mean.

I don't know that you really have a choice here...

Morph22010 · 16/03/2022 18:43

Will the school authorise it?

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Clymene · 16/03/2022 18:51

It sounds absolutely shit and not remotely in your child's best interests. Do you think you can get the school to say that rather than you?

Robbierolo · 16/03/2022 19:09

I mean my daughter is 3.5 years old and in early years education which isn't compulsory.. There was no suggestion whatsoever with regards to her being taken out of pre school to spend time with her father by cafcass. It would be hugely disruptive to her routine. I think you can exercise your concerns on this one but also offer an alternative as a suggestion.

Original poster
Raiseyourhand · 16/03/2022 19:12

It’s completely there fault this has happened. They have had since December to arrange these 4 sessions it’s ridiculous really.

Father works weekends so he won’t do those, he has Monday and Tuesday off only. I’m really not happy having to take her out of school and even more unhappy that she would have to go back afterwards probably feeling overwhelmed.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 16/03/2022 19:17

You could mention your concerns to them and see what they say but also like a pp pointed out it could be evidence against him if she goes back unsettled

Also what type of job requires you to work every single weekend?! And what type of person would give up every single weekend of the year to work?

HermioneWeasley · 16/03/2022 19:18

Why can’t he see her after school on a Monday and Tuesday?

wildseas · 16/03/2022 19:22

Surely if you would rather that dad didn’t have significant contact then this is a gift!

You reply to say that you are very supportive of contact but that it can’t happen 9-3 mon to fri as your daughter isn’t available at those times as she is at school.

Then you offer lots of other options which do fit with her schedule like weekend days etc. Dad Will likely refuse to prioritise her over work and you have proof that he isn’t great.

I think if you speak to school they would write you a letter saying that she was unavailable at those times

Kangaruby · 16/03/2022 19:22

My ds had supervised contact when at nursery, social worker did the transporting, it worked well and went on for around 3 months - a parenting assessment was also done. I know it is school not nursery but I would not be totally against it.

Original poster
Raiseyourhand · 16/03/2022 19:25

Nursery and school are very different things especially considering the amount they have already had off school.

OP posts:
chickywoo · 16/03/2022 19:33

Could you say that you don’t want her to miss school and you would rather other options be explored first such as:
Can’t he see her after school instead?
Does he have any annual leave or time owing that he could use so he can see her at the weekends ? It’s only for 3 1 hr sessions
How is he proposing to have contact once it’s unsupervised if he is only free during school hours on Mondays and Tuesdays?
If the issue is regarding contact centre availability could a family member supervise instead on the monday or Tuesday but after school?

Pixiedust1234 · 16/03/2022 19:36

@wildseas

Surely if you would rather that dad didn’t have significant contact then this is a gift!

You reply to say that you are very supportive of contact but that it can’t happen 9-3 mon to fri as your daughter isn’t available at those times as she is at school.

Then you offer lots of other options which do fit with her schedule like weekend days etc. Dad Will likely refuse to prioritise her over work and you have proof that he isn’t great.

I think if you speak to school they would write you a letter saying that she was unavailable at those times

^^ This.

Say you want to but she can't be taken out of school. At age 6 is when the main groundwork is laid for reading and writing. She can't miss a single hour as it could (possibly) affect all future schooling. Cafcass are trying to cover their own ass at the expense of your daughter. Dont allow it. Let them figure it out or explain to the judge they screwed up.

Malibuismysecrethome · 16/03/2022 19:37

I wouldn’t want my child to be taken from school premises by a social worker. If he wants contact tell him to take time off work at the weekend. No way would I let my child go on their own at that age even if accompanied by a SW, who by the way, you wouldn’t know and would never have met. Far too frightening for your child.

Original poster
Raiseyourhand · 16/03/2022 19:53

I find it all odd. The other day they asked me if my daughter attended school on a Monday…. Surely they know school is every week day.

Yes they have definitely cocked up and now trying to fix it at my daughters expense.

The worker even said in the email that courts are ok with children missing a bit of school and that it is to be expected.

I just hope it’s not twisted round on me. I may not want him in my daughters life but she does at the moment and it’s not for me to stop it. He has been on a DAPP course and Cafcass seem to believe he is a changed man….yeah!!!

OP posts:
Embracelife · 16/03/2022 19:56

Offer end of school say Monday znd Tuesday

Krakenchorus · 16/03/2022 20:08

Do not let her be taken out of school. That is not, in any way, in her best interest. She is at a critical point in her schooling and just learning to read. The school will not be keen, either.

And the courts very much mind if children miss school - if you took her out for your own reasons, you'd be fined.

As a previous poster said, offer a variety of suitable times and say that you will facilitate any of those. If he wants to be her parent, he should prioritise her education and find non-school times for contact.

wildseas · 16/03/2022 20:11

Offering after school Monday or Tuesday or a weekend morning would be more than accommodating enough I would think. If he’s a changed man he’ll be happy to fit round her schedule !!!

Are social services offering to pay any fines for taking out of school ?!

Original poster
Raiseyourhand · 16/03/2022 20:15

They have been rubbish this whole time. The contact worker met with me and my daughter on a Monday to say hello and show dd some pictures of her dad. She got my daughter to write down the day and time of her first video contact in 2.5 years. It was on the Friday just after school. On the Friday morning she messaged me and cancelled it and said that father was too busy on a Friday and that it we be on the Monday instead.

I was gobsmacked that this hadn’t been sorted before hand. My daughter was in tears.

OP posts:
YouHaveYourFathersBreasts · 16/03/2022 21:16

Why can’t your child see him after school? Have they said? Actually lol at them asking if a 6 year old attends school on Mondays. Duh, of course they do.

My children had supervised contact with their dad for a while. Under the supervision of social workers, it went ok. SW was adamant they must be in school as much as possible due to the law which requires them to be and also because of the trauma they’d been through, so visits in those hours weren’t optional. The agency who took over though, omg. I’ve met some pretty inept people in my time but they were something else Hmm

I hope whatever is decided that things go well with contact. And no, I don’t think your child should be missing school for contact visits. Not only because she’s missed enough school already but also because she’s going through a big change (these visits) and she needs the added security of her routine, ie, going to school on a school day. How’s that going to work going forward anyway, if he’s only available on Mondays and Tuesdays in school hours?

Pixiedust1234 · 16/03/2022 21:17

Are you sure they are a legit contact worker and not your ex's new girlfriend?? It all seems "wrong" so maybe look up phone numbers to contact ss yourself rather than using whatever is sent via an email (that can be spoofed)

CorneliusVetch · 16/03/2022 21:20

I assume the reason it isn’t after school is due to the cafcass officer’s availability rather than the father’s?

Jamboree01 · 16/03/2022 21:21

Have you spoke to the headteacher about this? They will have experience of cafcass usual working procedures and I imagine would be very supportive of you not wanting her to be taken out of school.

BlackeyedSusan · 16/03/2022 22:14

All replays should be with best interests of your daughter in mind and think about how your phrasing of these best interests appear to others.

Consider education: due to lockdowns she has missed stuff
If she has any weaknesses mention that where needs to be in school to keep up and not fall behind
Consistency of routine, especially her reaction to the last change. (She needs her primary carer if the arrangement falls through)

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