How are you/ are you taking to your children about economising?

[LadyCatStark]

I hate that I’m going to have to, but I think I am going to have to explain the cost of living crisis to DS (12) and the need to economise as we’re not going to be able to afford life much longer. We’re very lucky that we’ve always managed and managed to shield him from knowing when times were tough.

We’ve already discussed the energy crisis and the need to turn things off when not in use etc but he goes out more on his own now and is (rightly or wrongly) used to spending what he likes (not excessively).

Tonight, I met him off his school bus with the dog and he was grumpy as he’d been on a school trip all day and was hungry. I said he could pop into the shop and get something to eat and some buns for the burgers for tea and he’s blown nearly a tenner on crap!

I have to admit I was a bit cross which was probably an over reaction but I just feel that all of my head space is taken up with worrying about money and trying to economise and it feels so stressful.

I don’t want to scare or worry him but I do want to explain that things are very expensive at the moment and we have to be a bit careful. What are/ have other people said to their children?

Have always tried to speak to DC about value for money in small ways - eg if they had £5 and immediately wanted to go to the small local shop and blow it on sweets, we would discuss how they COULD do that, but if we stopped at lidl instead they would get 3 bags eg of strawberry laces for around £1 which would do them a few days, and then still have £4 left to spend on other things. DS(9) has picked this up quite well and has learnt to stretch his pocket money, DD(7) I am still working on...

I talk quite openly really if they ask for something when out e.g. can we go to cafe for a hot chocolate, often I will say we could, or we could go home and make a hot chocolate ourselves and use the £10 saved for another day eg a matinee cinema trip - they generally choose the latter.

We discuss budgeting in general and that money isn't an endless pot, mum and dad work for the money that mysteriously appears in the bank and it covers more than just treats (house, electric, heating oil, food shop etc) and that we have to be intentional with our money if we want to have it there when we do want a treat, to save etc. I'm hoping they grow up well rounded about money management.

I appreciate it's all well and good though when it's making choices about discretionary spending and both of the choices are a treat.

The price of home heating oil shot up (nearly tripled in this area) with the Ukraine conflict and we had a chat last week about having the heating down lower and using jumpers, blankets etc, lighting the open fire to heat the sitting room so we would still be cosy but we didn't have to buy oil when it was sky high. Obviously didn't go into huge detail just that oil cost a lot of money at the moment and we were going to try to cut down our use a bit so we still have money for other things. Ditto diesel for the car.

My two D.C. are 9 and 10, they both understand we don’t have unlimited money and that we need to make choices about how we spend what we have. They both get pocket money weekly which is theirs to spend as they wish. My 9 year old is pretty careful with money, is saving up for a big purchase and doing jobs round the house to supplement his pocket money. My 10 year old is a total spendthrift, will buy stuff just for the sake of it and doesn’t have the foresight for delayed gratification.

They both know that if we spend money on takeaways and bubble tea we won’t have it to go on holiday or to the cinema. We’re fortunate that we can afford to put money aside for frivolities and will occasionally have a treat but they also know how hard we work so have a clear link between work and spending.

At the moment we remind them to turn off lights, bring snacks from home etc but not how high prices are likely to go - they don’t need that worry and we can instil good habits in other ways.

I think you've been too soft and easy going up to now, you really need to toughen up. I can't imagine a situation where I would give a 12 year old my phone or card 'to buy snacks'.

We've always talked about money in our household, DS had an allowance from 11/12 ... didn't have new clothes 'just because', learned the value of savings etc etc. He got a part time job at 13 (paper round) and has always worked (part time) in the holidays, whilst at Uni etc - when it was so difficult to find part time work at the beginning of lockdown he went round washing cars .

We are not embarrassed to talk about money, my DH was self employed for a while and we talked very openly about the positives and negatives and why, when it didn't work out, DH went back to employment. DS has always had his own savings accounts, put half towards any 'tech' things he wanted, bought his own car at 19 and has sensible investments now at 21.

Too many people just don't talk about money, seeing it as something for 'treats and fun' rather than focusing on basic living expenses and saving for the future.

My child is 7yo,and I have, rightly or wrongly, have always spoken about money and that everything has a cost. It has been phrased in the context of we can spend x on y or ab. And, tbh, because I have always made sure that they realise we need to cut corners to be able to make the most of the better things, they're usually quite happy with this.
I've spoken that some prices have gone up a lot, and do put things in context, for example that now means we can't have an extra bar of chocolate because we've paid that money on this.
I don't think that it's unreasonable to start to explain things sensibly to a 12yo. But they're going to find hard to transition from abundance and no restrictions to restrictions. It's a bit like children who've grown up listening to the virtues of groceries from the big names, that then don't "like", almost on principle and due to conditioning, foods that may well be exactly the same from either cheaper ranges and supermarkets. You have to step down one level at a time, iykwim?
Good luck

I was brought up very hand to mouth FSM etc & always knew to economise. My parents kept the worst of it from me (threat of homelessness etc) which was a good balance I think.

DDs are 13 and 11. We've talked about fuel prices going up - they can see this is true at the petrol pump. We then expanded that to include delivery drivers including supermarket deliveries, to tractors in farmers fields, and how that will mean they need to add prices at all levels of a supply chain - therefore everything will have to increase in price. Fuel prices also mean electricity and gas prices go up for our household use.

But wages and incomes aren't rising, so there will be more money spent on essentials and less for anything else. We're reasonably comfortable as we've no mortgage and OK jobs (but only a few paychecks away from trouble), and have discussed what's important for us - computers need to be charged, heating, food, their extra tuition (TBF childcare vouchers pay for that, but there's a 40 mile round trip). This means less money for luxuries, meals out, days out, holidays etc. at this point, and if prices go up more we would need to start making changes.

Well it certainly won't hurt them and will be beneficial to them when they get older and have to budget for themselves - as I doubt things will get any easier for them!

We just started being open about how much things cost from when they were in primary school. So they knew how much we spent weekly at the supermarket and knew how much a meal out cost in comparison; one meal compared to a week's worth of shopping.

I would take them to the supermarket and say we need crumpets but I would make them look at the prices and ask them did they think the Asda own brand were equal to Warburtons? Were Warburton's crumpets that much better to justify the cost? We did that with a lot of things including big items like sofas, dining tables even cars etc so they absorb the information. We got them to guess how much a tank of petrol was going to cost.

Once they had money of their own we guided them and they realised sometimes they couldn't afford something but if they saved up then they could. Sometimes they spent it on stupid things but then don't we all? Luckily this was pounds and not thousands.

Children need to learn that as parents we can't always afford everything children want. Tell your son about all the bills you have to pay. Make it into a game, how many bills can he name? Mostly children just know mortgage/rent, phones and food. What about council tax? Tv licence? Home insurance? Car insurance? Petrol? Service and MOT? Gas, electric, water, broadband? Dentist? Pension contribution? Their clothes, uniform. You don't have to tell them how much you earn or what it all costs like your mortgage or rent but other items why not? The quicker they understand how the world works with money the more motivated they might be at school.