Does everyone eventually turn into their mother (or father)?

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

My Mum, who is early 80s, has started behaving like her Mum. I remember at the time my Grandmother's behaviour used to send my Mum incandescent with rage so it's interesting that now she's doing the same sort of stuff to me and doesn't seem to realise it.

She's always been a great Mum, better than her Mum was to her so I'm pretty self-confident and independent so the behaviour doesn't bother me as much as it did her, but it's noticeable that she's doing it. Will I turn in her too when get to that age? (Actually, since I physically take after my Dad's side much more there isn't all that much likelihood of reaching my mid-80s, so maybe I won't have time to change.)

It's nothing bad really, she's just gone a bit passive-aggressive, so a bit "don't mind me, I don't matter to anyone, I'm not important" if she's been in my house for more than 60 seconds without a cup of tea being put in front of her or if my DB can't rearrange his life to do something for her on her schedule. And also being a bit sneery about my achievements, like finding a fault with things that I've made or implying that it's pointless for me to study when I mentioned my upcoming exam. She's generally still positive, helpful and generous though, she just can't seem to help herself being a bit snippy now and then.

I've wondered this too but more in relation to my DH. I think he is the most gorgeous, sexiest man on earth and he's kind and sweet and funny and I scratch my head wondering how on earth he turned out that way from his family background. Then, every once in a while I see a glimpse of his father in him and it turns my stomach. I have a secret fear that one day I'll look at my husband and see my father in law and that will be that.

Sorry to hear about your mum. Do you think you could gently mention some of the behaviour in a way that won't get her back up? You don't want to upset her though I presume.

Yes we do @BlackAmericanoNoSugar

Well, no, from my direct experience it isn't inevitable. My mother was nothing like her mother, and my father is nothing like his father. I can see FIL's traits in my DH though, and I know I am very similar to my mother in many ways, but polar opposites in other ways.

I feel the same. My mum has always been great (much nicer than my grandmother) but lately she has been making comments that at times can be quite hurtful that do in fact remind me of my grandmother. DC tell me I should respond but I just can’t do it to her. She would get so upset and so I just ignore it and change the subject

I don't think I would mention her behaviour to her, I mostly just gloss over it, at least partly because trying to address passive-aggressive behaviour tends to push people further into more passive-aggressive behaviour with added denial. But also, she's old, she's lonely since Dad died, bits of her don't work as well as they used to so she has hip pain and knee pain, she gets tired and mentally worn out easily, and probably a host of other things that make her a bit peevish and snappy. She probably can't help it.

My mum was an alcoholic so no I don’t think it’s inevitable! I think circumstances and health have a huge effect on how someone is when they are elderly.

I think it’s possible, but not inevitable (I really hope not).

Could your mum have depression? I notice both my gran and my husbands gran’s mood went a bit low when they got older - I think just that feeling of time running out. They both improved as they realised they still had life to enjoy. It was just round about their 80th birthday that seemed to make them stop and think.

I bloody hope not!

@AddictedToVinted absolutely same here 🤞🏻 he doesn't turn into his father 😬

I am trying very hard indeed not to turn into my mother.

DH is very like his late father and I don't mind that, FIL was a lovely man.