Name change as I’m very embarrassed and upset by my current problem.
DP and I have been together for almost a year, we had an average sex life initially although it was only during set times because of work/childcare arrangements, so we never had the spontaneous passionate sex life as many do, but I enjoyed the closeness and bond it gave us and I did feel confident and sexy at the time.
Fast forward a few months and I’ve gained a sudden fear of having sex. When we do it I don’t enjoy it, I feel uncomfortable and lose all of my confidence. I essentially just lay back and wait for it to be over while holding back tears. When he’s finished I get up and cry in the toilet. It upsets him because it began suddenly and now it happens each time so I avoid sex and intimacy in general these days and he doesn’t initiate it to avoid upsetting me.
I have spoken to him about how I feel and that it may stem from not having a healthy sex life, it was always rushed and not fun so I’m now bored of it. He said he will try harder with his performance to make me want it but I don’t think that’s the point of my worries. I haven’t orgasmed in years (health related) so I don’t gain anything from sex, it’s almost like we do it for him to scratch an itch so perhaps a bit of resentment.
I don’t want to leave him because I love him and I do want us to last but I have no idea how to fix this. I don’t want a sexless relationship or to flinch at the thought of being naked and vulnerable when previously we’d done things in the bedroom that I’d always sneered at.
Do I force myself into regular sex and hope I snap out of it? See a doctor? What would you hope from your DP to do to help?
I’d really be grateful for any advice, tia.