Support for those signing up to host Ukrainians.

[Holidayreservation]

I know there’s the other thread but that’s more so of a debate of why/why not people who are going to host Ukrainians refugees.

I’m 95% sure I’m going to do it, I signed up to a charity on Friday but that’s more of a Ukrainian based support network so I’m not sure they’ll be working with hosting people over here.

I’m waiting for the official government website to go live to read more details - so far we’ve got that there’s a monthly £350 ‘thank you’ for being hosting and it’s a minimum of 6 months.

I know these government contracts/schemes can be hard to navigate and they’ll be a lot of winging it/not a lot of info with bumps to be signing up (apparently we’ll be vetted) but it usually takes weeks for DBS to be submitted.

I thought it might be good to have a place for us to share info and whack our brains together/hand hold as this could be a fair amount of upheaval to get this going/hosting.

Thanks for this thread OP. I was looking this evening at the registration website, went to speak to DH thinking I'd need to convince him that we can help and it's the right thing to do, and he was coming to tell me the same thing. We're going to get our church involved too with any luck, and see if we can set up some local support network with coffee mornings, toddler groups and whatnot.

[quote JamMakingWannaBe]@Holidayreservation That's amazing. You are so generous!

Can I ask if you have hosted students/ lodgers before? I was reading on another thread you needed to tell your mortgage company, and your home insurance and get a landlord safety certificate for your boiler....

There just seem to be hurdles to help people fleeing a war zone![/quote]
When we started having lodgers we informed the mortgage and insurance companies as a formality. It was a quick phone call, they didn’t have any concerns.
Gas safety- when the boiler has its annual service they put a note on the bill to confirm it’s safety checked, but we would be having it serviced annually anyway. At least now is an easy time of year to book a boiler service as most people have them done in the autumn.

That’s great op.

I rang an old friend last night whose husband is Ukrainian. All his cousins are adamant they are staying put over there, but he is going to put out feelers to see if they know anyone else who needs to get out. He said people are scared of leaving their homes because they fear they won’t get them back.

Sanctuary Foundation are doing a free online information event Wednesday 7.30-9pm.

E have been discussing this for about a week.
DH managed to register our offer yesterday, but I have no clue what the next steps will be.
We have a large bedroom with an en-suite shower room. I was talking to my boss yesterday, she said that if one of our guests would be interested, she will offer a job

Link to that Sanctuary Foundation webinar on Wednesday evening:
www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/ukraine-humanitarian-sponsorship-information-evening-tickets-296455585637

Seen on twitter...

"For those of you thinking of taking in Ukrainian refugees. Here are a few pointers after our first week with our extended Ukrainian family members here in France. Please feel free to share."

twitter.com/RobertRechter/status/1503634283457613824

twitter.com/Sathnam/status/1500433734000070659

@PerkingFaintly

I’ve registered. Thank you for sharing as hopefully it will give some tips on how to how to welcome them into our home.

@CFSKate

Thank you for sharing those.

I think the key is dignity here and a ‘big’ welcome isn’t probably want they need/want but their own privacy and space.

Following on from CFSKate's link, a few thoughts from personal experience and from MNers' experiences (eg threads from Covid shopping volunteers).

Anyone who takes a refugee into their home is doing a genuinely good thing, at possibly considerable sacrifice. It's a huge gift, and you may quite rightly expect a lot of gratitude.

Let me give you some of that gratitude right now. I've realised I'm not going to be able to have someone directly in my home (though I'll try to provide other parts of the jigsaw), so I am immensely grateful to those who are able to provide that part of the support.

Be prepared that people you are supporting may not show their own gratitude in the way you were expecting. They may ask for things you feel are unreasonable. You may even find yourself in a refugee-version of the classic MN conundrum: "Is DP/DC having a breakdown and I should make more effort to be supportive; or are they being a cheeky fucker and messing me around and I should do less?"

It's absolutely fine to decide what your boundaries are, and what you are and are not prepared to do.

The ring theory of support might also be useful. It can be summed up as: "comfort in, dump out".

www.latimes.com/nation/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407-story.html#axzz2kF8iBw9U
Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma... Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma... Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parents and children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends in smaller rings, less intimate friends in larger ones. When you are done you have a Kvetching Order.

The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, “Life is unfair” and “Why me?” That’s the one payoff for being in the center ring.

Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.

When you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone closer to the center of the crisis, the goal is to help. Listening is often more helpful than talking. But if you’re going to open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support. If it isn’t, don’t say it. Don’t, for example, give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don’t need advice. They need comfort and support. So say, “I’m sorry” or “This must really be hard for you” or “Can I bring you a pot roast?” Don’t say, “You should hear what happened to me” or “Here’s what I would do if I were you.” And don’t say, “This is really bringing me down.”

If you want to scream or cry or complain, if you want to tell someone how shocked you are or how icky you feel, or whine about how it reminds you of all the terrible things that have happened to you lately, that’s fine. It’s a perfectly normal response. Just do it to someone in a bigger ring.

That guardian article was great.

I’m now thinking of letting my box room (not the double spare room as I may let it) be used for a single person and will look into it.

Thanks Perking x

So, we too have a response/a plan. DH’s colleague’s best friend from university with his wife and 3 children are in Kyiv and in need of a place to go.
We had talked about only taking women and children but this is fine. Their children are 2, 9 and 11. We actually have 4 spare rooms so we can give them 3.
I guess now they just need to get out safely

I think the timescales are scaring me… 6 months yes… up to 3 years? Errr no. I listened to a lady on Radio 4 being interviewed about her experience of housing refugees and that was really enlightening. Being realistic about the trauma you may encounter and the levels of support that may be needed. She said “ you can’t just hand over the keys and say ‘right I’m off to work’”. I think she was on Woman’s Hour if anyone wanted to find it to listen.

From Daily Mail:

• What rights will you have if there are problems?

A change in circumstances could mean that someone is then unable to continue housing someone for the full six months.

A Government source told the Daily Telegraph that the state would get involved if a refugee has to find other housing earlier than the six month period, and that this could then be taxpayer-funded.

We have registered on the government website, and I have also sent my details to a couple of different coordinators running Facebook pages.

Now what happens? Do we just sit and wait?

@Tulipomania I've signed up with the facebook page of a charity for this too. I'm a bit bewildered tbh. There are 20 - 30 host offers for every Ukrainian looking for help. How on earth can a person choose who is a suitable match ? And the photos of families, pets, kids etc makes me feel it's becoming a bit of a competition. One family was even saying how sporty they were and what they could offer. We live in a humble but comfortable 3 bed terrace in the NW. Certainly not a 5 bedroom mansion. On paper I doubt anyone would choose us. I just feel a bit meh about it now..

@Jansobieski You have just articulated exactly how I feel!
I guess this is just the first early rush? I think I'm going to sit tight for a bit and see how things go. I feel that the most assertive people are probably getting out there first (both ways), and maybe I can help other needy but quieter people further down the line.
We are not in a big city, and I guess that's a consideration too - although I think there are probably plenty of jobs around here too.

@Tulipomania I have found a charity called refugees at home which has lots of experience housing people like this. Seems a bit more organised as you have to provide references. They were quoted in a guardian article as being involved with the current crisis.

Sanctuary Foundation webinar is almost entirely waffle at the moment.

Lots of people asking practical Qs in chat, with no attempt to answer.

Hope it improves. I'm not wasting an evening on pointless back-patting.

Wow - amazing that you're all really doing this (or thinking of it) - hats off to you all and I hope it works out well

Place marking

It's getting a bit more practical now.

[quote Jansobieski]@Tulipomania I have found a charity called refugees at home which has lots of experience housing people like this. Seems a bit more organised as you have to provide references. They were quoted in a guardian article as being involved with the current crisis.[/quote]
Refugees at Home is the one Gary Lineker has hosted through. They sound good

www.refugeesathome.org/