DSGF - help please!

[feellikezerobucks]

I’m hoping some of you may have been through this and can help me…or at least tell me it’s normal.
My DS(12, year 8) has recently got a girlfriend. She seems nice and all seems age appropriate, but she does have negative feelings about herself which evolves into a desire (and sometimes actioning) cutting herself.
Our DS is very caring and is heavily supporting her when she has one of these episodes (her words - they only last about 30 mins), but obviously this affects our DS and he tells her mum do she has plenty of support…but he’s 12 and having this pressure on him (we only found out as we pushed him what was up as he was so upset when it was happening one day).
The reason I am posting today is that they seem to be a bubble that can’t be broken(not helped by the covid bubbles when they started high school). Today they missed the bus to school as DSGF felt sick, so they both went back to her house, but no one was in and she has no key, so they ended up phoning me…I took my DS to school and his GF is now at our house as she felt too sick to go to school and all her family are at work and not responding to her.
I just feel so out of my depth. She’s lovely, but things like missing the bus, the self harm and the dependency they appear to have on each other is alarming me. We have a family holiday in June and I know what is going to happen…(I keep remembering the poster who had an 16 year old DS with a crazy GF and I can see this playing out similar) and I don’t know how best support my son, whilst supporting his GF whilst being his parent as he is priority.
We don’t want to stop them seeing each other, and what’s the point given they are school together all day, but my son doesn’t appear to have friends and doesn’t want me to tell the school so they can provide support.
I am going to speak to her mum so we have plans in place for when their is a bus issue, episode or how DSGF will cope when he’s on holiday, but seriously I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with all of this when’s he’s 12…it’s so hard!!!
Is the above normal? What do you suggest we do?

Tell school. Tell them today under the guise of she is at your house, and can they ring the Mum and tell her to come and collect her.

This girl may be lovely, but your priority has to be your ds. He is 12; he shouldn't be dealing with this. The holiday in June will give him a break and some time away to realise what life is like without having to deal with an emotional cloud hanging over him.

Meant to add, there are things that you cannot promise to keep from the relevant authorities (in this case the school), as it's a safeguarding concern.

Not very helpful right now I know, but keep in context that in year 8 a long term relationship is about 3 weeks so it could all be over and done with by the weekend.
As for the girl I agree as a safeguarding issue I would alert the school and mum but then I wouldn't get too emotionally involved.
As pp said your son is your main concern.

He is 12, far far too young to be embroiled in this. You said that he doesn't appear to have friends; do you know why? My concern would be that she will become his entire focus to fill a void. I also think you should talk to her parents and the school.

Honestly OP, I know you want the best for your son and to see him happy, but he is just too young to have the emotional toolkit to deal with this. As the PP points out, it is also a safeguarding issue.

Thanks all, and I know what you're all saying is right...I just know the consequences of what I need to do...I don't think my son has many friends as he had outgrown his primary friends (started seniors sept 2020) and due to bubbles was really restricted with who they could mix with so never really had the opportunity to meet new people.
Can I just get your clarity on why this is a safe guarding issue...because she's at my house? I believe the school know about her episode and she's due to start counselling in April. I just feel bad, as DSGFs DM has to support her DD and so I don't want to add her any pressure!

I'd take her to school, they can sort out getting her picked up etc if she's not well enough to stay

I wouldn't get involved at all, at 12 it's far too much

You need to contact school to at least let them know what has happened this morning. Otherwise their unreported absence procedure should be triggered.

It's safeguarding because the GF is self harming. It's also safeguarding for your ds, as he should not be used as an emotional crutch by the GF. Either talk to the safeguarding lead or the Head of Year.

Without sounding unkind I think the best outcome is that the thing with your son fizzles out eventually. At 12 he's far too young to be dealing with such complex issues.
Again, without sounding unkind, this girl and her issues are not your problem.