Feeling so anxious about what I’ve done. SS.

[PaddlingLikeADuck]

At the start of last week I went into my son’s school and I reported concerns I had about the welfare of a girl who is in his class.

At the time I knew it was the right thing to do but as the days have passed I have started to feel sick about it.

The school rang Children’s Services to forward on my concerns and now I’m just left wondering what is going on.

I honestly can’t stop thinking about it. What if I was wrong? What if my report breaks up a family? What if I’ve made things worse for the child? I feel sick and anxious.

I was upset when I spoke to the school because I was so worried about the impact my report may have on the child and the family, and I feel tearful whenever I think about what I’ve done.

Does anyone know what would have happened once the referral went in?

I’m posting here because I don’t know where else to post and I’m just hoping someone can reassure me or explain what will be happening.

I just can’t stop thinking about it.

I want to ring the school but I know they won’t be able to tell me anything.

As a child who didn't have anyone raise concerns, you definitely didn't do the wrong thing. You were concerned and acted on them. Thank you for protecting children who can't always protect themselves

As an adult that worked within childrens services, you did the right thing and I can tell you that support and intervention will be offered before removing a child. If a child is removed, it is necessary because it's so hard to get court ordered removal now.

You definitely did the right thing OP. Please don't be hard on yourself and know that you might have saved that child's life, either from someone else's choice or their own, in the future.

@PaddlingLikeADuck

It’s irrelevant now anyway.

I’ve had feedback today to say my concerns don’t meet the threshold for investigation and that the referral was passed back to the school for them to deal with it.

A teacher had spoken to the child about the incidents I reported but the child’s story didn’t match with mine and so nothing was done or can be done.

The school tried to contact the parents at the end of last week but they’ve had no response and so the school have said they’ll “chase it up.”

All this fretting I’ve done for absolutely nothing.

The school told me if I see anything else then to let them know but what’s the point.

Just seen this after my reply OP. i worked in a school and just know, this will be documented and will be kept for future reference. It also allows the school to be aware and they can be extra vigilant and offer support to the child within school. If school are able to demonstrate multiple concerns, they will be able to re-refer and it all contributes to supporting the child and their family to be better

For future reference it's always best (though scary) to report any concerns direct to social services yourself as you telling school means it's already second hand info they're passing on and things can get changed or diluted down. Schools often don't report as much as they possibly should or instead or reporting it's added to a file to build up a picture of what's going on . I work in health and Dh is a teacher and things I would have to report to social services in my job are different to what dh would/ possibly due to having alot more contact with the child and family (so can monitor the situation where as I might only see a child occasionally ) and maybe knowing a bit more than what I would know in my role ?

For future reference it's always best (though scary) to report any concerns direct to social services yourself as you telling school means it's already second hand info they're passing on and things can get changed or diluted down.

After I had first rose my concerns with the school, the SENCO called me a few hours later to ask me to contact Children’s Services to make a direct referral. I was happy to do this, so I called them, but because I didn’t know the girl’s surname or date of birth they couldn’t process the referral. I told them the town I lived in and the name of the school and what class the girl is in but they said that the information wasn’t sufficient enough to accept a referral.

As a result I phoned the school back and explained what had happened to the SENCO and so she then put the referral in on my behalf.

You did the right thing. You acted out of concern not maliciousness and passed on the information as best you could.

I really can’t see what more you could’ve done.

You might be wrong and it might cause a lot of upset to the family. However, how many times have we seen children murdered and we all say - if only someone had stepped in. So on that basis, it is worth reporting and being wrong.

It is not for "nothing." Often it is a collection of small things and accumulated information that tips a scenario over into being a cause for concern. You have made your contribution to this child's well-being and it will be logged, which means if anyone else flags something up, they will have the record and will be able to join up the dots.

Think of all the worst child cases you hear on the news - if someone had flagged up a concern, however small, the LA might have been able to piece things together and see what was happening.

You have done absolutely the right thing. Now put it form your mind.