Eating chocolate already, one of those days, need a rant.

[ChocolateMonday]

Argh. I'm not even expecting any replies but I need to get this off my chest. So far today DC1 has been an awkward sod getting out of the house for nursery. He started off really well and then just started being an irritating naughty arse on purpose.

But I think the main thing is I just don't know what to do about my mum who just can't help herself chipping in to so many aspects of our life. We've just got through a really rocky patch caused by her ongoing opinions on our parenting. As part of that reconciliation, I've had to ignore comments about the clothes DC2 wears (issue being DC1 cast offs at nursery which aren't very ladylike) even though they irritated me. Even though it was in the same conversation where she was apologising for something else, she couldn't help herself but comment negatively on DC2's clothes in ONE picture from nursery. I don't think she even realises what she's said some of the time but gets affronted when I pick up on it.

And today I've woken up to an email which contains pasted segments from a right wing pro heterosexual marriage organisation suggesting I have a discreet word with nursery because DC2 has a rainbow flag (they'studied' LGBTQ history month). I'm all for balance but I'm pretty sure the nursery aren't pushing same sex marriage as the way to go onto an 18 month old.

And now I don't know what to do. I can't just ignore it, she'll mention it. If I tell her what I think we'll have a falling out because she's very traditional in her views. I just really wish she'd think about how things are helpful or adding value. Now I'm all stressed, I'm late for work and I've eaten half a packet of chocolate buttons. Every week it feels like there is something else which takes brain energy on pointless/irrelevant/ just not important stuff. And she tells me she's really busy, can't get everything done etc. I think she'd save a lot of time unsubscribing from a few mailing lists.

Actually that might be the answer. I think I've deleted the email but if I can find it, I'll reply and say I'll pass it one when I have spare time. Which will be never.

One question - if she was a friend, not your DM, would you make the effort to reconcile?

It’s ok to slow down and not reply if it isn’t adding anything to your life

The DC adore her and we all enjoy spending time together, most of the time. It's not really straightforward.

And today I've woken up to an email which contains pasted segments from a right wing pro heterosexual marriage organisation suggesting I have a discreet word with nursery because DC2 has a rainbow flag (they'studied' LGBTQ history month). I'm all for balance but I'm pretty sure the nursery aren't pushing same sex marriage as the way to go onto an 18 month old

I mena, yes you have a problem with her chipping in which you need to learn to respond to appropriately.

I'd be more worried about them giving the kids the whole 'if you play with these toys you are a girl and if you play with those you are a boy' spiel. Nobody was interested in the rainbow when it was all about actual same sex relationships, this is being driven by Stonewall so I'd actually look into this side of it to be honest.

If all is well then delete the email. And you need to learn some stock responses to the comments. 'Thanks for the info' is one.

When DC is being an arse try tickling them or blowing a raspberry on them... Makes them laugh and helps you calm the situation. (Choose the thing the kid finds funny, one of mine hated one of these...so I used the other method)

@AlisonDonut the nursery chain is so hipster woke it wouldn't surprise me to find out that they are owned by Stonewall. We ended up there by circumstance not choice and are moving to a different one in September.

You are right about stock responses, the bigger problem is it's in my head. It's still there niggling now. I'm irritated and grumpy and still struggling to get my head into work which will only cause me a back log later in the week.

@BlackeyedSusan you are quite right and I think part of the reason I'm so bothered is because I've let this get to me and therefore didn't handle DC very well. I'm ashamed of that.

I don't know how to manage these instances very well. Short of having a large vodka, and much as I'll resort to chocolate buttons, I'm certainly not starting down that route, I just want to scream 'go away'. Why can't we just have nice chats like other adults, why is everything so niggly. The problem is it all comes from a well meaning place and love and is intended to be helpful. And when I'm calm and have prepared what I say and try and gently explain/push back, I just get 'well perhaps I'd better just say nothing then' (never happens) or 'perhaps you'd be better off if I wasn't around at all then' (pretty sure it's said to entice huge apologies from me; I've recently stopped. I'm too tired).