Year 7 DD with friendship issues

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

How best do I support my DD? She went up to senior school this academic year and she's really not settling in mostly due to friendship groups.

I don't think she has any friends really. She's just not into popular things like Tik Tok or Snapchat, she'd quite happily play with lego all day long which is not cool!

She's been best mates with a girl since day 1 of reception but they're drifting apart as the other girl wants to go off with a new group of friends who don't like DD (nor does she like them particularly). I know people change as they get older and friendship groups change but this is really upsetting to watch.

She now spends lunchtimes either at a club or in the library on her own. I don't know what to say other than I'm proud that she's not changing just to fit in with others, I'm pleased she can tell me, she'll find her tribe in time.

Trouble is it's getting to the point where every night she's nervous about going to school. Any advice?

Have you contacted her form tutor?
It is quite possible there are like minded girls elsewhere in the year that she just hasn't had contact with yet.

Firstly, I would talk to her form tutor and let them know that she is feeling rather lonely. Perhaps the form tutor is aware of others that could also perhaps use a friend?

Secondly, are there any new activities she can take up at school to meet other people? Sometimes it is just about getting involved in things and meeting people with a mutual interest.

Finally, please explain to your daughter that it is quite normal for friendships to move on, and new friendships to be made in life. A friendship is not a lifelong thing.

Year 7 and 8 are prime time for friendship groups to change. Multiple times. Try to reassure your daughter and encourage her to join school clubs and meet new people.

Thanks all. Will think about mentioning it to her tutor, DD not massively keen on the idea as she thinks she's making a fuss. So hard to watch it all.

If she's going to clubs which reflect her interests she's maximising her chances of meeting like-minded peers. That's likely where she'll find her tribe.

She may also wanted to widen her friends search to include like-minded boys. Both my sons are in mixed boy/girl friendship groups and they seem to work really well, much less drama and jostling for position than in single sex groups.

I remember when DD was that age one of her Form tutor's said that is a hideous time of flux-becomes very tribal and lots of chopping and changing as the girls sort out pecking order etc.

I would have a quiet word with her form tutor and agree that she will find like minded friends through shared interests-it is hard to watch and my DD-who had never had any friendship issues before hit a rough patch here.

It sounds as though perhaps your DD is a bit young in her skin-as mine was-and it meant she still wanted to "play" versus text etc and her resistance to grow up too quickly actually was fantastic in hindsight but tricky in the moment.

She came out the other side with friends with shared values and I am sure your DD will too.

You've hit the nail on the head @mumsiedarlingrevolta, she is still young for her age and that's proving an issue in terms of fitting in.

@HollyBollyBooBoo having come out the other side I would say to fight to do absolutely everything to let her keep her innocence-even though it is tempting to try and encourage her to "fit in"for short term gain I think so important to let her be herself -it matters more in the long run to back her-and she will find her tribe.

my dd did find friends who also wanted to play-her famous statement at the time was "why do they all want to be grown ups? when you are a grown up you can't pretend to be a cat" and we still quote it now.

She is bloody brilliant and I am sure your DD is too!!!