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Original poster

Neighbour noise complaint

52 replies

Fupoffyagrasshole · 13/03/2022 00:00

We live in a ground floor flat - neighbours above us knocked on our door this morning and the guy was pretty stressed out telling us he can’t sleep and we need to keep the noise down (this was 9.30am) we apologised and asked what the problem was - he said we get up early and his bedroom is above ours and he can hear our baby crying, heard my husband singing her a nursery rhyme and talking (we were reading her some books in the bed)

We said we do start our day at 7.30 as we have a 1 year old and that’s her schedule unfortunately.

He said he needs to sleep in on a Saturday - and that in future can we move to another room and be quiet.

I’m a bit miffed tbh - I can hear every footstep they take, they have their tv loud, I can hear them in their bedroom chatting and laughing at night, they put the washing machine on late at night right above my daughters room - but I’ve never said anything as I felt this is part of living in a flat unfortunately a bit of noise! I’ve learned to live with it

It’s actually really upset me now tbh I find myself afraid to even sing baa baa black sheep to my daughter in the bath this evening.

Ugh 😑 not sure what we can do tbh - babies cry and they get up early - we start our day early / they start theirs late
I don’t feel like we have done anything wrong at all and feel stressed being given out to basically.
Not sure what I’m looking for here kind of wanted to vent/ see what others thoughts are

OP posts:
wifeyxx · 13/03/2022 07:12

@Billandben444

I'd be telling him to fuck off! Not your fault your baby is awake at that time! Sounds a miserable bastard! And this is how you approach life, is it? Thank heavens some of us believe in respect and communication.
Can't all be perfect eh?
Sunnysidegold · 13/03/2022 07:15

I don't think that either neighbour Is at fault here.

I don't think 7.30 is early, even on a Saturday. Could you have a polite chat about it, and explain that because it's a flat there's noise heard in both directions?

Maybe if you say about the washing machine at night, they might realise that it goes both ways.

simbobs · 13/03/2022 07:23

The neighbour is probably oblivious to the fact that sound transmission works both ways, and he is lucky that you are quiet until 7.30am. Babies don't know Saturday from Monday. It sounds as though compromise is necessary on both sides, and that can only be achieved with a frank discussion. If all else fails suggest he gets some earplugs.

100problems · 13/03/2022 07:29

I'd be telling him to fuck off!

I don’t believe that you would. Why would you do that? Why wouldn’t you at least try and see his side and explain yours first before jumping straight to outright hostility?

The OP says the guy was stressed, which suggests that although he’s being unrealistic there might be something going on his side.

OP I don’t think you need to walk on eggshells. Find a good moment to knock and say you’ll be mindful of early mornings on a weekend if he can meet you halfway with the washing machine.

Prinnny · 13/03/2022 08:01

@HundredMilesAnHour

Do you have kids? Obviously not if you think that starting the day at 7.30am and making a normal amount of noise for a family with a very young child is selfish.

The world doesn't revolve around your child or the OP's child. Clearly you think it does. A weekend is quite different to a working day. Have a bit of consideration. Or don't bother and live with the consequences of the neighbours deciding not to have any consideration either.

Are you the neighbour? 😂 For many people, me included, a weekend can be a working day, the world doesn’t stop for all you mon-Fri office hours people, some of us work weekends nights unsociable hours. General family noise at 0730am is perfectly reasonable, whereas the neighbours behaviour after midnight is not! Carry on as you were OP you’ve done nothing wrong, I don’t think flat living is suitable to your neighbour if he is so precious over a nursery rhyme.
puffylovett · 13/03/2022 08:14

I think the people who are saying you need a Frank and polite conversation about the lack of insulation and what you can do about it are the ones with the right approach. No point ignoring it and carrying on, as it will just escalate. And how is he to know his noise is disturbing you, if you don’t speak up? Just explain you’ve lived with it, because - flats… and say as he’s brought it up, could we have a discussion and find a way to bring us both a bit of relief. Insulation would be the best approach.

ralanne · 13/03/2022 08:20

Walking around, using the washing machine, babies crying and singing are all normal day-to-day noises that you shouldn't have to feel bad about.

I think I would go round and have a nice chat, explain what you have here about the noise you can hear too, with a view to investigating how you could better insulate the two flats and dampen down the noise coming through both ways. You can get panels to put on walls, perhaps look at the flooring, rugs etc. Do it in a spirit of working together.

If he's willing to do something from his side and seems enthusiastic then go with that. If he's not, then honestly I'd just ignore him and continue living your life.

Original poster
Fupoffyagrasshole · 13/03/2022 08:21

Thanks all!

I think He was hungover and I totally understand and remember those days well!

But yes there’s not much we can do - my daughter is at the r sleeping in until 8 this morning 😂 so really he actually has it easy compared to Neighbours of a lot of 1 year olds.

In general all week we leave the house at 7.15 for work and nursery and most weekends we actually go out and about for the day so really we aren’t even home all that much 🙈🙈

I think I will be pointing out the noise we hear but saying that I don’t feel there’s much we can do about that as it is just day to day living sounds so we understand - I can’t ask him to stop walking 😂😂

It’s a 300 year old building so soundproofing isn’t amazing but what can you do.

We’ve always been friendly enough to each other, stop in the hall for a bit of a chat when we see each other - so it’s a shame if things are now soured a bit.

Maybe he was just having a bad day

OP posts:
MimosaSunrise · 13/03/2022 08:27

I’m surprised that anyone living in a flat and experiencing neighbour noise could not realise that loud TVs and washing machines are very noisy. And unneighbourly at night.

For that reason, I think you need to be prepared for this bloke being unreasonable, in which case I wouldn’t bother changing what you’re doing as it far more neatly falls into the category of normal family noise than his. However, I think the tack of coming at this from the lack of sound insulation, mutual noise issues and what-could-we-all-do angle is the best starting point. If he genuinely is oblivious, you could get some real improvements from him with relatively minor adjustments your end. Good luck with it.

BocolateChiscuits · 13/03/2022 08:42

@EveryCloudIsGrey and @ralanne are on the money reckon. Work with the neighbours to tackle the problem. Even if you don't end up installing insulation, cos it's too expensive or whatever, you have still made a new friend and life'll feel a lot nicer.

goawaystormy · 13/03/2022 10:21

I'd be telling him to fuck off! Not your fault your baby is awake at that time! Sounds a miserable bastard!

The man made a polite, stressed request. It might not be the OP's fault but it's not his either, it's affecting his quality of life and unlike OP he didn't make the choice to have a child. OP has every right to speak to him politely about it explaining the problem and practicality. But if she went in all aggressive in response I wouldn't blame the guy for thinking fuck it, and playing heavy metal until 2 am in the hopes that it'll drown out the babies crying and if the baby if kept up late it might sleep in later. You can't be aggressive if you want neighbourly relations and consideration.

RandomQuest · 13/03/2022 10:27

It’s not like you’re making excessive noise. By the sounds of it the building and it’s poor soundproofing is to blame and that’s why normal household noise is carrying. And I agree with you that it’s often part of flat living. I wouldn’t change your behaviour in the slightest because why should you. If he complains again then tell him that you can hear his TV, their bedroom conversations and the washing machine. Remind him that it’s the crappy building to blame and tell him that no you can’t stop a child from waking at 7.30am.

Billandben444 · 13/03/2022 11:52

@wifeyxx
No we can't all be perfect but your suggestion to go in all guns blazing doesn't seem to be top of the poll atm.

worriedmum2022 · 13/03/2022 11:54

@Fupoffyagrasshole
Sounds a
Nightmare all round

We lived in a flat but moved when I was pregnant we knew it wouldn't work - I'd consider moving if it was me less stressful

Mellowyellow222 · 13/03/2022 12:15

Easy to say after the fact but you should have pointed out how much you hear from them.

In my last house the noise was a problem. Next door slamming doors, loud rows, tv, running about in the early hours of the morning.

I bumped into them recently and they were saying how dreadful the new neighbours are, how much noise there is. I lived alone and was quiet so they had no idea how much I heard. The things I know about their sex life, and how much he hates her mother!!!!

You need to let these people know you hear everything g they do as well.

Original poster
Fupoffyagrasshole · 13/03/2022 12:16

Problem is that he and us don’t want to invest in soundproofing as we are all seeing these flats as our first homes rather than a forever home so reluctant to actually spend the money

But if that’s the case then I think we need to learn to live with each other’s noise

Hopefully this was a once off and he was indeed just grumpy and hungover like I suspect 🙈🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
Fupoffyagrasshole · 13/03/2022 12:17

I don’t care all that much about his noise even the washing machine - my daughter sleeps very well even with noise and it doesn’t seem to bother her

OP posts:
MotherofAutism · 13/03/2022 13:33

Singing at 7:30am on a Sunday???? Hmm

MotherofAutism · 13/03/2022 13:33

Sorry not Sunday, but still a weekend

whatajuckingfoke · 13/03/2022 13:35

I will start this by saying I hate any neighbour noise. Hate it and am in the process of moving to a detached house because of it! So I do understand how annoyed he just have been to approach you. I was mortified having to go and speak to my neighbours about their thudding loud music/tv after they stuck a huge telly on the joint wall complete with a fucking subwoofer rendering my living room unbearable if they watched a film or put music on.

But. What you're doing isn't in the least bit unreasonable, it's totally normal family noise. Just like his washing machine and footsteps are. If you live in a flat, you have to expect a bit of noise. It's tough really,

Am also a mum, and my children are now 3 and 6. If we get a lie in until 7am that's a bloody miracle and has been since they were tiny. So really with a baby he needs to think himself lucky because both of mine at around a year/eighteen months old went through stages of waking frequently in the night and then being up for the day at 5am....

I wouldn't go tit for tat at this stage. I'd just carry on as normal. If he approaches you again just tell him politely that you aren't being antisocial, you can't stop you baby waking and then point out all of the noise you can hear coming from his house.

Coyoacan · 13/03/2022 14:45

In my opinion, if you are renting, you should move and if you own your flat, you should sue the architect. I live in an old flat and never hear my neighbours unless they are being exceptionally rowdy

Original poster
Fupoffyagrasshole · 13/03/2022 15:05

I own it ! I couldn’t be bothered to sue anyone as I’m not bothered

He can do that if he likes 🙈

OP posts:
minniep · 13/03/2022 22:10

OP the noise you are making is perfectly normal and reasonable. I was also thinking you are very lucky with a 7.30am start. He is lucky he isn't living overhead me 🤣🤣🤣. Be nice and polite but firm if you are speaking to him again . Babies sometimes cry and if they unfortunately become unwell sometimes they cry even more and when they get a bit older and the tantrums start then they cry even more. All totally normal.

Original poster
Fupoffyagrasshole · 13/03/2022 22:51

Haha thanks - guess we are all lucky she wakes up late (for a 1 year old that is) ! It’s never before 7 and sometimes it’s 8. Here’s hoping it lasts 😂

She had a vomiting bug today the poor little mite - so she was basically crying a huge chunk of the day today - I’d imagine the neighbour was probably thinking a few minutes of nursery rhymes being sung was a better deal than an actual crying baby all day long 🙈🙈🙈

OP posts:
Inerve · 13/03/2022 23:00

Swop flats lol!

I think you are handling it very well. I have so often read posts about people being at the end of their rope with neighbour noise, so your story is from the other perspective where a neighbour has approached you.

Hopefully it was a one off grump, but everyone has to compromise when living in flats, the problem is when one party doesn't care and carries on at top volume regardless. You are not one of them from what am reading.