If you suffer with depression/anxiety, how do you feel about weekends?

[Notgettingbetter]

I find weekends difficult, especially keeping my very lively, social dd entertained. If we have something to do lined up it's better. Keeping busy and socialising helps even though I would rather just stay in bed. I really struggle to get going on weekend mornings. I'm dreading the summer holidays this year - dd is 4 so only just started school.

Are you a single/lone parent?

If her father is in the picture, he needs to be involved. Obviously he should be involved if he's alive and able, but you know what I mean.

Yes he's here. He's been up with her for hours already. I'm still trying to get myself moving but I keep crying. We're going to her friend's birthday party later.

Why are you crying?

Are you getting help from your GP and taking any medication?

Crying in bed isn't normal

(As an aside that isn't the true point, I know, but can be helpful... if you really need to take a break, try audio books. No screen guilt.)

I've had severe, treatment resistant depression for a year. I'm crying because I don't get any pleasure out of life and have almost constant suicide ideation. I won't kill myself because of my daughter. I'm taking two antidepressants. I was seeing a counsellor for a few weeks but stopped because we seemed to be going in circles. I've started looking for another counsellor/therapist.

I'm going to call my doctor to request a meds review. I was with a mental health team but they were useless. It took weeks to be allocated my own member of staff who then said he couldn't help me and sent me back to my GP.

On Monday I am going to go to a local café that cooks food for homeless people to see if I can volunteer. I've asked a friend to go for walks with me. I make a lot of art. I'm constantly trying to help myself but it's very, very hard.

Gosh that sounds so hard. It's so difficult to function when you feel that low. I would be going back to the GP to see what else they can offer. Have you tried or heard of Lamotrigine? It is used to alleviate bi polar low mood and depression and can sometimes work well if other anti D's are not helping you could ask your GP. I know someone who does very well on it with few side effects.
Having activities does help as it means you have structure to the day and often being sociable can help but it must be hard getting going.
If you feel that unwell you need to look after yourself sometimes ploughing on isn't the right option either.

Weekends are a relief for me because it’s a break from work and the awful people I work with.

I've found that constantly pushing myself to do things and spend time with other people is helpful. It's utterly exhausting but the alternative is that I just go to bed and give up - when things are really bad I completely lose my appetite and stop eating. Low blood sugar levels make everything so much worse for me. So I try to just keep going.

@AnxiousHeffalump

Weekends are a relief for me because it’s a break from work and the awful people I work with.

I'm really sorry to hear that. Any chance of getting a different job? I'm sure you've already considered that. I hope you do at least enjoy your weekends?

@ilovebagpuss

Gosh that sounds so hard. It's so difficult to function when you feel that low. I would be going back to the GP to see what else they can offer. Have you tried or heard of Lamotrigine? It is used to alleviate bi polar low mood and depression and can sometimes work well if other anti D's are not helping you could ask your GP. I know someone who does very well on it with few side effects. Having activities does help as it means you have structure to the day and often being sociable can help but it must be hard getting going. If you feel that unwell you need to look after yourself sometimes ploughing on isn't the right option either.

I haven't heard of that one actually - thanks for the tip.

You say you have been struggling for a year - is that when it first came on? Or have you felt low for longer?

Sorry for the personal questions but bear with me. I don’t want to start suggesting anything without a fuller picture of how you’re feeling ❤️

I'm sorry for all your troubles, OP. Clearly the problem isn't really keeping your daughter entertained at weekends. I agree with seeing your doctor again and do continue to push yourself a bit to do things. The more things become habits and familiar, the easier they are.

@amusedbush

You say you have been struggling for a year - is that when it first came on? Or have you felt low for longer?

Sorry for the personal questions but bear with me. I don’t want to start suggesting anything without a fuller picture of how you’re feeling ❤️

I had a breakdown last spring. I think the stress of Covid lockdowns and some other things just got too much. I ended up starving myself without even realising it was happening. I got straight onto the doctor and counselling and while I'm not as bad as I was back then (especially as I am eating now) every day is a struggle. Life has been hard since 2016 for various reasons and I've never had great mental health anyway.

Do you have to go to the party later? Can her dad take her ? Children's parties are hellish.

Thank you for answering, I know it’s so hard to talk about mental health sometimes.

Unfortunately my suggestions won’t help as they are geared towards long-term depression or if you couldn’t pinpoint when it started.

I’m sorry that you’re struggling though. Keep trying different types of treatment - you will 100% find a combination that helps you.

@Takeawaytonight

Do you have to go to the party later? Can her dad take her ? Children's parties are hellish.

Actually, I want to go. I've been friends with the mum since our daughters were little and I feel like we're building that friendship. And I find socialising distracts me from my dark thoughts and feelings.

If you have the funds, get a babysitter to take your DD out for three hours on a Saturday morning, maybe to an organised activity + park + lunch. I know it's probably the last thing you want to do when your DD has just started school but if it's 10- 1pm for example, she gets a lie in, and some activity, to tire her out for the afternoon.

DH and I had to do this for a period of two months when I was recovering from an operation and it really gave us a massive break during a stressful period. And because it was on a Saturday, and we could rely on it, and look forward to the break, the benefit felt like it was longer than three hours if that makes sense.

Failing that, maybe put her in a dance or gym activity for an hour on a Saturday morning and your DH do the drop offs and pick ups or you do it together and have a coffee out somewhere while you are waiting?

And could someone in your extended family help on a Sunday (or a friend if you don't mind telling them about your depression)?

Either way, a set structure at the weekend really helps when you are struggling it takes a bit of discipline to set up and a bit of team work, but it is worth it.

As for your depression in general, it's great that you are doing things to help yourself recover. Please be encouraged that all the latest research about brain plasticity means that you can recover, you are not stuck with it for life, and brain chemicals can affect your behaviour and the reverse is true too.

I'm pleased you want to go, if you don't have much of an appetite try and at least have some cake x

DD usually goes to an organise sport every Saturday. Her dad takes her. She's rarely tired and sleeps crap. She still often wakes in the night and needs help to get back to sleep. It's a million times better than when she was a baby but her dad and I are still both very tired. We have no family nearby.

Broken nights are very draining even without depression on top so I sympathize op.

Nearer to the summer holiday get really organised. Plan each week, budget for activities and think about what you're going to do every day. I used to find the 6 weeks really daunting but it's much better if you're organised. If you haven't already try and get the numbers of some of the mums from your DDs class, they'll be wanting to keep busy too. Keep putting your energy into building friendships as it sounds like that really helps you.

Thanks to everyone who posted. I appreciate it. I am up and dressed. I will make lunch soon then we'll go to the party. We have another one tomorrow!