Realistic tidying tasks for 4 year old

[piratehugs]

We've all had covid this week, too knackered to keep on top of things, so the entire house has been ransacked by marauding children. I'm planning to announce that today is TIDY UP DAY.

The 18mo can help with simple tasks by picking up toys and putting them away, and wiping tables ineffectually. The 4yo is easily distracted and grumpy and stubborn. Sometimes I think I overestimate what he can focus on and it ends up in a pointless battle.

What's a realistic, achievable set of tasks to give the 4yo that will encourage him to pitch in and be proud of what he's done?

1 step instructions. Put your shoes by the door. Put the lego back in the box.

I had those tasks earmarked for the toddler! So I'm being unreasonable to expect the 4yo to get on with a task for a few minutes without me directing?

DD is 5 I still give her clear instructions, things like: please put the items in that pile of toys where they belong... Pens in the pen pot, Barbie in the cupboard, the books on the shelf...

And then I nag and reiterate for a while, then I raise my voice PENS IN THE PEN POT PLEASE... PUT THAT BOOK IN THE SHELF RIGHT NOW PLEASE...then she gets distracted and I end up doing it for her.

I am not good at this.

Is there Lego or something that can be thrown a short distance to put away. Ie let’s see how quickly you can throw all the Lego in the box, how many pieces can you throw in etc. Id try and make it a game.

Can you set a timer? Say ten minutes? And see what he can get done in that time. Make it a game. Or a section of a room - that is his section to clear.

www.bing.com/search?q=mission+impossible+timer&cvid=76a4c7d82e82406eaffbcf0337150c58&aqs=edge.5.69i57j0l8.6964j0j1&pglt=41&FORM=ANNTA1&PC=HCTS

I used to use this tidying up timer when I was teaching Reception. There are plenty of others if you search for 'tidying up timer'.

I think a whole day of tidying is ambitious. You're going to have to make it fun if it's going to work.

I saw somewhere someone had made a thing where they had a lots of activities on a wheel, some fun, some chores, and they spun the dial and then they all did the activity. They were short, high energy things, the fun things were fun, and and the chores were gamified.

I've no idea if it worked well in reality but looked like a good idea to me.

@sloeslowgin

I think a whole day of tidying is ambitious. You're going to have to make it fun if it's going to work.

I saw somewhere someone had made a thing where they had a lots of activities on a wheel, some fun, some chores, and they spun the dial and then they all did the activity. They were short, high energy things, the fun things were fun, and and the chores were gamified.

I've no idea if it worked well in reality but looked like a good idea to me.

Agreed. Little and often is the way to go.

Definitely not a whole day! 10 minute bursts throughout the day. Very specific instructions. Lots of praise.

The activity wheel is a lovely idea. I'll have to save it for when I've got the energy to make it, but another time I can see that working well.

The Mission Impossible timer is a good call too.

I can see I need to lower my expectations today - thanks all!

It's not going well. I said we were going to do some tidying, he instantly exploded into a huge tantrum and ripped something precious to him into small pieces.

In the gentlest possible way that sounds like a child who is frustrated because too much is being expected of him.

Go right back to the beginning tiny tasks (put shoes by door..) and big praise for when its achieved.4 year olds are all different and some will be capable of more but the best way to learn that is by stealth- don’t announce there’s tidying to do, you do it and encourage him to join in. Huge praise when/if he does.

He exploded when you said tidying. So don't call it tidying!

Simple instructions.
When you've done 5 things to help me you can have X

1. Pick up all your books, put them on this bookcase like this. Tell me when you're done.
2. Next task. Tell me when you're done.

Etc

Agree with PPs. Don’t badge it as tidying, housework or helping Mummy. Don’t make it A Thing. It’s just another activity. Be really matter of fact - “We’re just putting your Playmobil stuff up here, then we’re having a drink”.

I think you are expecting too much - the 4yo still needs one step tasks, anything else will be a fight.

My dc quite liked washing up at that age, but it was more an activity than a help as they made such a mess.

I think you need to make it part of their regular routine for it to stick and become something they don't argue about every single time!

Mine are much older now (teen / young adult) and I didn't do this and I regret it. I really wished I had, once they hit teenage years.

You're all right, of course.

I think he felt quite embarrassed after his tantrum and has been very helpful since then. We tidied his room together, he helped change his bed sheets, he helped fold some washing. Lots of praise. We'll tackle some more later.

God mine are older older and the only way I get them to do anything is by ticking off tasks on Go Henry so basic bribery. They're more than capable but I can't be arsed with the arguing.

@NewYearEveryYear

DD is 5 I still give her clear instructions, things like: please put the items in that pile of toys where they belong... Pens in the pen pot, Barbie in the cupboard, the books on the shelf...

And then I nag and reiterate for a while, then I raise my voice PENS IN THE PEN POT PLEASE... PUT THAT BOOK IN THE SHELF RIGHT NOW PLEASE...then she gets distracted and I end up doing it for her.

I am not good at this.

I'm so glad this isn't just me DS is 6 and every item he picks something up he starts playing with it again, andtl the cycle of distraction starts again.

@NewYearEveryYear

DD is 5 I still give her clear instructions, things like: please put the items in that pile of toys where they belong... Pens in the pen pot, Barbie in the cupboard, the books on the shelf...

And then I nag and reiterate for a while, then I raise my voice PENS IN THE PEN POT PLEASE... PUT THAT BOOK IN THE SHELF RIGHT NOW PLEASE...then she gets distracted and I end up doing it for her.

I am not good at this.

I'm so glad this isn't just me DS is 6 and every item he picks something up he starts playing with it again, andtl the cycle of distraction starts again.

Mine are quite a bit older and I have to help them deescalate the sense of overwhelm.

I tell them that I want them to look around the room and find something really easy, that they know doesn’t belong, and put it away. And then come back and find the next easiest thing to put away.

We set a timer for a few minutes and stop when it goes off.

I know MN is full of dc who run the household and could hold down a full time job on the side but I found it sanity saving to accept that it was my job to teach them skills , and as such that adds a teaching job to the list of things I have to do.

A tidy up song does wonders in our house. Tackle it one room at a time - my just turned 5 year old knows what her bedroom looks like when it’s tidy and whilst she much prefers to do it when I’m with her will do it by herself if I really need to. Slow and steady with lots of praise and a reward regularly will make a big difference!

I do the tidying up song too - for us it's Shakira WakaWaka and "let's see how much we can get tidied up before the song finishes".
4 yr olds are capable of sorting out laundry, not necessarily folding it neatly but you can give them a basket of clean, dry clothes and ask them to sort it into piles for each family member and take each pile to the correct bedroom.

They come to different things in their own time.

@piratehugs

The activity wheel is a lovely idea. I'll have to save it for when I've got the energy to make it, but another time I can see that working well.

The Mission Impossible timer is a good call too.

I can see I need to lower my expectations today - thanks all!