So fed up! Never felt more alone even though I'm surrounded by people

[Zaksamuel3]

I feel like I'm going to explode I don't know how much more I can take! The long and short of it is, I have 4 children 18,15,12 and 6 all boys but the eldest isn't my husbands. Now the youngest 3 have ADHD all with different needs and youngest (6) has just been diagnosed with Autisim and I believe my husband has ADHD too his worst part is the temper I can't talk to him about anything he closes up his face goes red and he gets mad. I really need him to man up grow a pair of bollocks and help and support me i have 4 kids i dont need another. He won't even phone the dentist to get his tooth sorted and he's in pain! He won't phone our landlord and tell him to sort jobs on the house I have to do it, he won't support me with school meetings for the kids as work is more important I have do do it alone. I have to care for my parents alone. I have to get my 3 kids into school everyday with anxiety that manifests in physcial pain alone. I got a job doing twighlight shifts at sainsburys to escape the bedtime routeins and arguements and wanted to meet people and find myself again and instead I'm shattered and working them shifts with no-one to speak to for 6hrs yet again I'm alone 😔. I know I'm depressed I'm crying at nothing snapping at people but it's worst when my husband walks in from work my mood just changes its like a cloud covers me. I want to own my own home but no chance with my husband he maxes out a credit card and then gets another to hell with me struggling to sort finances that's keep rising and then he wants to play golf and go pub and have crates of beer i mentioned rain this in so we can save for a house deposit but he got angry and said I work hard I can do what I want with my money and kept swearing at me so I went out. I've so gained 3 stone since lockdown and hate the way I look and all this stress is just making me eat but I've just referred myself to talking therapy so I can get all this anger and frustration out. I love my husband we've been together 16 years but I done know how much more I can take

That sounds like a really hard situation. There are some things that won’t change e.g. your kids needs, so you need long term coping strategies for that which is mostly about you looking after yourself in whatever tiny ways you can e.g. exercise, medication, therapy, self help books etc and finding as much external support as you can e.g. school, GP, online groups.

Then there is the stuff you can change: your job, your husband etc. so you need to think about what you want your life to look like in five years and work back - what steps do you need to take this year to get there?

Good luck OP.

*I mean you can’t change your husbands behaviours but you can leave him!

I'm scared to leave him ots been 16 years I don't know how ti be alone and thought of him with someone else knocks me sick but he won't come to counseling or go get medicated for his adhd so why should I bother trying. He is a good dad and husband in toehr ways he helps with housework and cooking etc but he also causes me alot more stress I don't need these days I'm needing more emotional support not cleaning lol.

So that sounds like something in your life that can’t or won’t change at the moment. So what can you change to feel better? How’s your diet? Exercise? Meditation? How much time on your phone? Hobbies? Support network? What about all these things?