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Original poster

What would you do if your young teen was expecting a baby and was past the 24 week mark?

31 replies

Corriefanhere · 11/03/2022 16:43

Have been watching classic Corrie and Sarah Louise is expecting a baby at 13. It got me wondering … I think I’d be tempted to raise the child myself. Probably wrong though.

OP posts:

SarahAndQuack · 11/03/2022 16:45

I don't think there's a right and wrong; it would depend on so many things, not least what the teen felt about it and what support they needed and wanted.

I hope I'd have the decency to be supportive and compassionate (though I imagine I'd feel pretty awful).

Hellocatshome · 11/03/2022 16:45

I would discuss with them the options available re adoption but if they wanted to keep the baby I would help them but they would be 'Mum'

Deadringer · 11/03/2022 16:46

I have a 13 year old. I would raise the baby, as long as everyone was in agreement.

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Families

notacooldad · 11/03/2022 16:49

I'd support emotionally, financially and practically but would not be giving up my job.
Dd would always be mum but would have to continue her education.

RicherThanYew · 11/03/2022 16:49

I'd support them with everything I had and raise the child myself if they didn't feel equipped, I would like to help them bond with their child though, it must be an awfully difficult situation for young people to be in.

Movinghouseatlast · 11/03/2022 16:55

I am the baby in this scenario. My grandparents brought me up.

Over the years it has caused such heartache. My birth mother was wracked with guilt throughout her life and never came to terms with what had happened.

She behaved as if she hated me - I'm sure she didn't but that's how the complicated emotions manifested themselves. She was dismissive of me and that has caused me a lot of issues. I wish I had been adopted, it would have been better for everyone.

Original poster

Corriefanhere · 11/03/2022 16:57

That’s so difficult

You can’t know adoption would have been better … very much depends on the adoptive family I suppose!

OP posts:

Ringmaster27 · 11/03/2022 16:59

This was the life of a school friend of mine.
Her mum was 14 when my friend was born. Soon after the birth, the family were originally from elsewhere but upped sticks and moved to my hometown. She was brought up believing her grandparents were her parents and her mum was her sister. It all came out when we were in our last year of school and friend needed her birth certificate for something. Obviously the information on it gave her the truth about her parentage

Original poster

Corriefanhere · 11/03/2022 17:00

You’d definitely need to be honest. I think something like that happened to Catherine Cookson.

OP posts:

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 11/03/2022 17:01

I honestly don’t know what I’d do.

I’d be so upset though. Really devastated.

Gooseberrypies · 11/03/2022 17:20

What do you mean what would you do? Her body, her choice. Unless you mean how would you feel.

Midlifemusings · 11/03/2022 17:22

@Gooseberrypies

I think she means that a 13 year old is not emotionally, mentally, financially, or logistically sufficient mature and independent to raise a child on their own. So what would you do if your 13 year old was having a baby.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 11/03/2022 17:24

I'd find out if she wanted to keep the baby or look at adoption.

Either way, I'd start knitting.

I'd find the support team for young mums and work out how to manage her education with a pregnancy/baby in the mix.

And I'd find out how she got pregnant, whether sex was something she wanted. I'd sort her out with contraception.

I'd force a smile on my face and tell her it would be alright and we'll work it all out and that if she wanted to, she'll make a lovely mum.

And I cry myself to sleep many, many times.

Silvercatowner · 11/03/2022 17:25

@Gooseberrypies

What do you mean what would you do? Her body, her choice. Unless you mean how would you feel.

Of course you'd DO stuff to support a 13 year old having a baby.

LittleTabby · 11/03/2022 17:27

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

I'd find out if she wanted to keep the baby or look at adoption.

Either way, I'd start knitting.

I'd find the support team for young mums and work out how to manage her education with a pregnancy/baby in the mix.

And I'd find out how she got pregnant, whether sex was something she wanted. I'd sort her out with contraception.

I'd force a smile on my face and tell her it would be alright and we'll work it all out and that if she wanted to, she'll make a lovely mum.

And I cry myself to sleep many, many times.

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria This is one of the best posts I have read. In a long time. Spot on.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 11/03/2022 17:27

I'd support her to raise the child, I'd apply for a child arrangement order so I would share PR and prepare to be doing most of the raising but I'd never pretend it was mine or exclude the mum.

Dacquoise · 11/03/2022 17:35

@Movinghouseatlast, similar here. My DM was 13 when she got pregnant with my brother, then me four months after giving birth to him. I was brought up by DM and DF who was two years older. It was a miserable childhood of poverty and my DM using me as her scapegoat for her NH problems. Why we weren't adopted out, God only knows. No supportive grandparents either. Dysfunctional family that is now totally estranged from each other.

That storyline gives me the total shivers.

Gooseberrypies · 11/03/2022 17:50

@Silvercatowner that isn’t what OP said nor did they mention any actual support they would give? Of course most reasonable people would do things to support their child, but with that also comes the alternative - that someone could/would choose not to support their child and many would pressure them into doing what they want them to do. @Midlifemusings with OP mentioning the possibility of raising the child as her own and adoption in another post, it comes across as OP thinking she can ‘choose’ what happens to the child. Which of course, would be daughters decision.

Original poster

Corriefanhere · 11/03/2022 18:14

I honestly don’t know @Silvercatowner - I absolutely think that I’d listen to and respect her views and it would be her choice. But at that age you couldn’t not do it without a barrel-load of support, and I think my instinct would be to try to allow her to live as normal a life as possible.

Of course if she was adamant she wanted to raise the baby herself I’d support but would it be for the best, would it be what I’d advise? I don’t know.

OP posts:

busyeatingbiscuits · 11/03/2022 18:20

At 13/14, I'd raise the baby myself and try to ensure my daughter had as normal a childhood and as many educational opportunities as possible.

At 16/17, if she wanted to keep the baby I'd be a very supportive grandparent and hopefully help her find childcare to finish school/college and at 18 move into her own place with her child.

YeOldeTrout · 11/03/2022 18:21

I used to think I'd raise the child myself, but now I'd want to find an adopter instead. Cousin spent yrs raising the child of her eldest grand child (whose mother I guess was 19 at birth).

I hope I wouldn't succumb to self-pity.

alexdgr8 · 11/03/2022 18:25

i think social services would have an input too; so not entirely the 13 year old's choice, nor that of her parents.

Original poster

Corriefanhere · 11/03/2022 18:26

No, but they do try to keep children within families.

I think that’s why I really wouldn’t want adoption, as you completely lose control of the situation.

OP posts:

Silvercatowner · 11/03/2022 18:29

[quote Gooseberrypies]**@Silvercatowner* that isn’t what OP said nor did they mention any actual support they would give? Of course most reasonable people would do things to support their child, but with that also comes the alternative - that someone could/would choose not to support their child and many would pressure them into doing what they want them to do. @Midlifemusings* with OP mentioning the possibility of raising the child as her own and adoption in another post, it comes across as OP thinking she can ‘choose’ what happens to the child. Which of course, would be daughters decision.[/quote]
My post was more in response to the previous poster seemingly questioning the need to DO anything - 'her body her choice' - when she's 13!!!

Of course any reasonable person would do stuff to support a young teenager.

LaraDeSalle · 11/03/2022 18:31

Didn’t Tamara Beckwith have a child at 17 and Anouashka was raised in her early years by her grandmother until Tamara was ready to be a full time mother?

I am against abortion so my preference would be to raise the child and my daughter step up when she was older and in a position to do so.

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