Is it normal that my 6 year old literally cannot sit still?

[PlinkPlankFirstManc]

Just that really. I'm starting to wonder if it is normal that my 6 year old DS cannot sit still. He is home educated at the moment for various reasons but he does attend various settings with other kids (clubs and so on) at which he seems to be the same. We also have a big extended family with lots of other kids the same sort of age and they don't seem to be anywhere near as active as he is. He just does not stop moving. I think he physically can't stop himself fidgeting. What he'd be like at school if he had to sit still at a desk I can't fathom. Even if he's watching TV or reading or drawing he has to be either standing up or fidgeting about. He also makes a lot of repetitive noises and bites his nails - it's like he has to be active. The only time I see him still is if he is really absorbed in something like lego or building a train track.

I get really judged by family because he just doesn't listen to me - e.g. the other day we were at a relative's house and he kept jumping onto the sofa. I told him off every single time he did this and he just carried on and on and on and on (it's a very small house and I couldn't take him into another room). Eventually he burst into tears and said he couldn't stop himself. Our own sofa at home has loads of burst springs from him jumping on it, again despite the fact he is pulled up on it every single time. I feel like he genuinely isn't able to stop.

I have wondered about ADHD as I have it myself (I was only diagnosed last year and mine didn't present itself as a child as his does - I was more mentally hyperactive than physically hyperactive). I spoke to the GP who was totally unhelpful and said if he wasn't "naughty" then he probably didn't have it and anyway the waiting list was over two years.

Has anyone got advice/experience?

Sounds just like my child who has adhd. He is also really sensitive to noise. He often stands up at school instead of sitting down to learn.

Your GP sounds like he doesn’t have a fucking clue. My DS isn’t ‘naughty’.

In our area the wait is 2 years. See a different GP. I’m not sure how it works when you’re home schooled as our school filled in a lot of the supporting paperwork.

I’m not sure how it works when you’re home schooled as our school filled in a lot of the supporting paperwork

Yes this is my concern and we already get a lot of judginess about the fact we home ed so I'm worried we may get told his behaviour is down to the fact he isn't at school rather than any form of neurodiversity.

Sounds like my daughter who has ASD, at 6 we were convinced it was ADHD. They can look similar so not easy. I went to the GP and she was diagnosed at 8. We kept her in school which has been very challenging for all involved but she is doing really well now in year 9 with excellent support from the school. The risk with elective home ex is you miss out on support but I understand why people choose to do it.

My daughter has sensory processing disorder as part of her diagnosis. Paediatrician said ADHD like behaviour was her self regulating. It’s calmed down a lot with age. She is very ADHD like when very anxious still.

The risk with elective home ex is you miss out on support but I understand why people choose to do it

I'm not saying I will never send him to school, but he's so much happier and learning so much more at home that I feel it's the best thing for him at this point in time IYSWIM.

I have also wondered about ASD in the past, particularly as he seemed to have trouble relating socially to other children when he was younger. But this doesn't seem to be an issue now - he's a lot more sociable than he was (ironically he is a lot more sociable now than he was when he was at school). He is, however, very literal, and whilst he is a totally fluent reader he does sometimes have trouble understanding the story for instance - certain things just go right over his head.

There’s been lots in the media about parents being forced to homeschool SEN children so I’m surprised by that. Perhaps you only realise when you’re involved yourself.

I’m not saying one way or the other with your son but my daughter is very social always has been, likes small groups though. Great imagination, funny. She can be literal though. Just saying because I didn’t know what ASD was before she was diagnosed.

The thing about stories going over his head sounds familiar. This was flagged by the SALT as part of her assessment.

Whatever you son may or may not be diagnosed with I’m sure he is ace and you’re doing a great job.

Op, whilst I understand your reasons for homeschooling, being at home is rarely as cognitively and physically tiring/ demanding as being at school. Is he bored? Has he got pent up energy?

I assess for neurodevelopmental disorders (privately and as part of a trust) and we would always seek information from school (so another source). It can be difficult (sometimes) to diagnose, especially adhd without this triangulation. Sometimes it's very clear cut, other times we see a child in clinic who is masking a lot (in clinic) but at home bouncing off walls etc as it's sometimes easier to mask for an hour or two, which is why we rely on multiple sources.

If you can afford it perhaps try and get a consultation with a psychologist who will do a full neuro history, including screeners and then advise about next steps. That could be your 'other' source and if further assessment is warranted their recommendation would go a long way.

Op, whilst I understand your reasons for homeschooling, being at home is rarely as cognitively and physically tiring/ demanding as being at school. Is he bored? Has he got pent up energy?

Why are people always SO keen to blame any issue a home educated child might have on the fact they are home educated?

If I had posted asking this question and said my child was in school, not one single person would have posted asking if I had considered that actually the problem was the fact he was at school.

As for being bored, most of my own memories from school are of overwhelmingly tedious long days stuck at a desk feeling totally understimulated. That was what we had when he was at school. He was worse when he was there. He has improved since we pulled him out.

Sounds exactly like my son who is awaiting assessment for adhd.

Please talk to another GP!

Also to clarify, home education does not mean we sit at home every day at the kitchen table doing worksheets. We go on outings, we go to groups, we see other children, we do music and language lessons. So no he is not under stimulated. If anything I suspect it is more of the opposite because we notice a marked worsening of his behaviour if he has had too busy a day with too many people.

@TheYearOfSmallThings

At 6 it is difficult to know, which is why they prefer not to diagnose at this age. The family history certainly makes it a possibility.

Do you mind saying why you homeschool? Has he had trouble coping in nursery/school, or does it reflect a parenting philosophy? Also what consequences have you tried? Because if he has always just ignored you telling him to stop then that becomes habit.

If it is adhd then it will be impulsive behaviour and consequences probably will not actually work.

My son constantly repeats this kind of behaviour. He isn't doing it to be naughty or defiant, but consequences go in one ear and out the other.

He isn't doing it to be naughty or defiant, but consequences go in one ear and out the other.

This is what I feel about my son.

If it is adhd then it will be impulsive behaviour and consequences probably will not actually work.

Oh definitely. It's just that I can think of a few kids who have just never had any consequences imposed, and therefore run wild - it's clearly not the case with the OP's son.

@PlinkPlankFirstManc

Op, whilst I understand your reasons for homeschooling, being at home is rarely as cognitively and physically tiring/ demanding as being at school. Is he bored? Has he got pent up energy?

Why are people always SO keen to blame any issue a home educated child might have on the fact they are home educated?

If I had posted asking this question and said my child was in school, not one single person would have posted asking if I had considered that actually the problem was the fact he was at school.

As for being bored, most of my own memories from school are of overwhelmingly tedious long days stuck at a desk feeling totally understimulated. That was what we had when he was at school. He was worse when he was there. He has improved since we pulled him out.

So true. My child absolutely flourishes in the school holidays and on weekends. When he is at school he is a pent up, stressed, emotional wreck who spends a lot of time in support for learning and missing classes.

Mainstream school is not a positive environment for many, many children!

OP, we went to GP who referred us on, but we are in Ireland.