Full of shame - any suggestions?

[SeaMeBe]

Not really sure where to post this, sorry for the non-descriptive title (sure you can understand why).

Basically, I wet myself in therapy today and have zero recollection of it happening or what happened just before. Therapist was perhaps a bit too lovely about it all but it took around three hours for them to feel I was safe enough to go home.

I'm having huge feelings of full on shame and I don't know what to do. I am not sure if I should message and say sorry again or if I should just leave it or what??

This has never happened before

You apologised

That's it, you dont need to apologise again

I wouldn't feel embarrassed, honestly the therapist will be used to all sorts and won't give it a second thought. What's worrying is why you wet yourself and can't remember it, has this happened before? Maybe speak to your GP as there may be an underlying issue xx

ok thank you, feeling really awful but I'll not message

It's not happened before, no. I don't really understand what happened.

It sounds like you disassociated- you can’t remember what happened - and the physical reaction (wetting yourself) was linked to trauma. Did the therapist not help you to recall what you were discussing?

Hello. Didn't want to read and run. Given you said you couldn't remember anything before, or actually doing it, I wonder if either you had a physical response to the things you were talking about, when difficult (or traumatic) things come up, our body can react in unusual ways.
From my experience as a client and trainee therapist, please be reassured that physical reactions to things, or weird things in the therapy room is the bread and butter of therapy. I'm guessing it's some kind of talking therapy? Your therapist will no doubt be full of concern for you. We are trained to be non judgmental! If you feel able to, maybe next time talk to your therapist about the feelings of shame you have now. And most importantly, ramp up your self care whilst you are dealing with the feelings surrounding this.

Is your therapy anything to do with hypnosis/guided visualisation etc? If your mind is in an altered state you can react without inhibition sometimes - like dreaming.

I do dissociate - but never had the wetting self bit, and it felt really weird.

It's talking therapy, yes. I went from feel warmth to complete shame (my therapist was near be after I came "round" and there was warmth and then horror and then shame. No she said we can talk next time but she wouldn't tell me what we were talking about today as she wasn't sure I was safe.

Thank you for the replies though.

OK, that’s good - your therapist understands you and there’s no need to worry as you know that you can disassociate.

Anyone would feel shame in that situation- perfectly normal - but try not to stay there in the feeling of shame. It’s OK, no harm was done to anyone, there’s no need to worry.

This is easy for me to say from an armchair but:

your therapist has forgiven you, they cared for you enough to hold on to you to make sure you would make it home safely. They aren't making it up when they say it really is alright. They aren't trying to be nice and polite. They aren't doing their job because they are professional. It really is alright.

Now you need to forgive yourself.

I have similar issues and I always hear a voice in my head say "thanks I'm cured" whenever someone comes up with these silly one liners. but late at night, when i am all alone, it grounds me.

When you need to forgive yourself, remember everything your therapist said after the incident, then say them to yourself. Sit with yourself for hours until you feel well enough "to go home" i.e. carry on with life.

you got this, you really have. looking for advice was a fantastic first step. keep going!

I’m sure the therapist has experienced things like this before. Professional people are used to seeing lots of things. I would expect they were only wanting to make sure you were ok. You do t need to message, unless you think it might help you.
Sending a hug 💐. And hoping you’re ok.

Incontinence and controlling it is tied to early memories and experiences around potty training Even if your parent never minded how many accidents you had, it will still have been linked in your brain as a failure on your part to stay dry. We are conditioned in society to be clean and fresh and dry, and failing to do that is inevitably linked to shame.
Be kind to yourself; it was an involuntary event that you had no control over. Definitely have a thorough debriefing with your therapist.

Remember this isn't your fault. It is a symptom of a health problem. It is like someone who bleeds on the floor after a serious injury. It isn't your fault, and you didn't choose to do this.

You’ve dissociated in your session. Don’t worry about your therapist. If they have sufficient training to be working with trauma and dissociation then they are not going to be concerned by the wetting, they are just going to be concerned that you feel safe and ok. You have nothing to apologise for.

I would suspect that your deep feelings of shame are linked to whatever it was you were dissociating. The wetting was a physical manifestation of something that you don’t have conscious access to - because of the dissociation. That must feel very confusing and may exacerbate the feelings of shame for you.
Please be kind to yourself. You are dealing with deep trauma. You are being incredibly brave to be working on this with your therapist. It is your therapists job to help you navigate this as safely as possible. Sometimes the journey will take us somewhere unexpected. I would be as honest as you can be with your therapist about your feelings of shame. They are part of this. Try not to let this experience derail the work you are doing. Good luck

Don't worry about apologising but if it'll help you then do.

Your therapist sounds good.

Get yourself a nice hot shower, have something to eat and try and put it out of your mind. It's not your fault and your therapist knows that.

Aww how unsettling for you. As others have said, disassociation is a known response to trauma that your therapist will understand. But I can imagine how disorientating it feels when the therapist feels unable to tell you what you were speaking about. I think shame and distress is an understandable reaction, but equally it possible for you to frame this with yourself as a clear sign that your body/mind have well developed strategies to prevent you being overwhelmed. That these strategies developed as a child and were clearly needed, that you didn’t then, and haven’t now, done anything wrong, it’s about safeness and survival. to you, I hope you can be gentle with yourself and discuss these feelings with your therapist the next time.

Perhaps it would help to think about it like this - a teacher wouldn't want a child to feel ashamed if they accidentally wet themselves, they would just quickly deal with it and your therapist would feel the same way about you in your situation. It's happened for a reason that she will understand, there's obviously some really serious stuff going on for you and this has happened because of it.

You have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of. This was not your fault.

As others have said, and therapist will deal with your points of view next time.
Relax, really.

Thank you everyone for the responses and explanations. Ive had a long sleep this afternoon.