I can't do this forever

[Richtea2]

I just kind of started to talking to someone I had fallen out with again.

It's feeling awkward and can't do the small talk forever. I don't know but a lot has happened and can't pretend things haven't. There's a lot to discuss but wondering if just leave it.
It's all changed I have not said any personal stuff about me to her and I know this situation she in she won't say. I don't expect her too as it's very serious. It's too upsetting me hearing from people what is happening. I swore I would never talk to her because of what she doing which is wrong. But it's like we avoiding the situation which made us fall out.
It's like I feel I need to say something but this is too much headache.
I got a lot going on with my life at the moment.
I am just trying to ignore this situation but it's something I can't avoid forever.
What would you do? Just keep conversation light and not bother?
Anyone been in this kind of situation?

Sorry this is all a bit vague - can you post a bit more detail about who this person is / what has happened / what there is to discuss / who are the people telling you what’s happening / what is she doing that is so wrong etc etc

Without any of those details nobody can give you any meaningful advice. I appreciate you’re trying to protect privacy etc but it doesn’t make a huge amount of sense without any of those details.

Are you sure having this person back in your life is positive or healthy? As you say, you have a lot on, you don’t agree with things she’s doing, so why court drama?

Is she having an affair or something?

@RoyKentsChestHair

Sorry this is all a bit vague - can you post a bit more detail about who this person is / what has happened / what there is to discuss / who are the people telling you what’s happening / what is she doing that is so wrong etc etc

Without any of those details nobody can give you any meaningful advice. I appreciate you’re trying to protect privacy etc but it doesn’t make a huge amount of sense without any of those details.

It's too much to really go into but I will try to give a brief outline.

She had social services involved with her kids. First they were just on child protection plan. Any it when for that to them being removed from her care. Then I know I had trouble processing this it was very sad. Then I had been in contact with one of her friends and I was very worried for her. Her friend didn't want to say much but we did. I can't even remember but think what she was telling me and her wasn't what actually was happening. I understood she was going through a hard time. She just pushed me aside. I felt she was not being honest with me. She really just blanked me through her situation which I know now it was very difficult. This friend of hers well I got to know her too. She was always helping her and she rang me telling she just couldn't do it no more. A situation happened they fell out. I stopped talking to her before this friend did. It's like I would have but she pushed me aside and used me I feel. The thing is she was telling us all different situations she was getting found out. She made it look to people that her friend not talking to her was why I didn't. I thought No no no. My reasoning is you pushed me aside and basically she was not the friend I grew up with. I was full of different emotions and yes I was not innocent. I suppose I was also going through stuff room and it was too much for me.
She fighting everyone who was looking after her kids. It was so bad because I kept hearing so much. When I spoke to her she just was out of character. So me and her friend got so close through this mess.
Now I see things differently and I have made mistakes by talking to her kids father. He also played a part in this and he wasn't able to see them or have them in his care. It was a battle between the both of them which led to what happened to her too. She was blaming him and it was her too.
It's been going on for so long. It's still going on and her kids father probably manipulated all her friends. From him and other people have had updates. I don't get off feeling happy for discussing her or her children. It's very painful for me she in the situation. So many people telling me this and that. Friends of hers pretending they don't know me to her. But telling me what's going on with her. I am just getting mad by hearing the situation just getting worse. She managed to get her kids back not even sure how. But so much still happening now.
To big things happened to her and her kids father told me. I didn't know if I should reach out or not. By this point I forgiven her and done with talking about her with people. Just was glad she was out my life. Until I heard she moved and actually close to me. Thought great the madness is coming here now and I will have to deal with it. Her ex told me and I think he got his own agenda. I realized what he doing and stopped talking to him now. I heard through someone she know I know she living close to me now. Then to be careful of her ex partner. All this stuff.
Then we bumped into each other and was a very weird moment but hugged her children. It was very emotional for me. I also had heard she not good in her health. Cut a long story short processing the fact she was walking. I feel it's all too much this why I totally removed myself. It's the kids why I was in contact with their father. The kids are messed up probably fed up with their mum and dad fight like us all. For me we stopped talk because she was getting found out. Now she won't say much which is fine but can't keep talking like nothing happened.
People may say I am bad here or she was ganged up on but so much lies she told. I was pushed aside and not told the truth. Lied and used to help her.
Any advice please

No one is going to be able to give you advice because what you’ve written is so unclear.

Sorry I didn't type that we'll been awake since 4am
I am still processing the fact she not walking. Someone said to me but I saw her walking. Now I know if she in wheelchair then something must be wrong..if she lying then she definitely is sick. The trust between us gone. If I get involved she will drag me down but I said to myself you try it with me this who situation going to end now.
It's best I keep my distance haven't told her where I live. Through this whole situation I have seen people for who they are. The friendship stuff to me just her covering up what she doing. She knows deep down we all tried being there for her and the children. I just cut her off because of her lies and she told her family lies too. I knew the truth and she didn't want to be found out. But I couldn't stand by her why she was turning into a person I didn't know. Or her true colours came out. So much here people just don't know what to do. I opened the lines of communication saying thank you for letting me hug her children. But have had that conversation.

Haven't had that conversation yet.

Whatever she's done, you aren't covering yourself in glory here either.

Stop gossiping about her completely, it's not necessary to be talking about her behind her back all the time.

I haven't quite followed all the details, but it's perfectly possible for someone to use a wheelchair intermittently.

You aren't bringing anything positive to each other's lives.

@MartinMartinMarti

No one is going to be able to give you advice because what you’ve written is so unclear.

I have said a lot and if people could advise me on what I have said and what they do understand. It really would be helpful too. This situation is very difficult to explain. Typing it words would be too long. I typed so much lack of sleep. Stressed out with this various things in my mind. Can't cope with this now too. Help

If you don’t want to be friends with her then don’t be. Nothing you’ve said suggests you want to be friends with her. Whatever you do you need to start treating people people properly, stop discussing people behind their backs and stirring.

@lunar1

Whatever she's done, you aren't covering yourself in glory here either.

Stop gossiping about her completely, it's not necessary to be talking about her behind her back all the time.

I haven't quite followed all the details, but it's perfectly possible for someone to use a wheelchair intermittently.

You aren't bringing anything positive to each other's lives.

It's because I known her the longest. People coming to me telling me what's happening. I just cut myself out of her life. But it's because even though I know the situation with her kids was and still is difficult. What can I do? The situation is there in my face now literally. She living closer to me why. Honestly I can't help her or be involved. If she lying to social services about stuff running from things. Telling one person something and another different. She messaging me like nothing happened. Do I put everything aside. Say let's talk be real with each other? I am not innocent but remember why all of us come together in first place. I just got no idea what to say. Just help me this whole situation hasn't been good for my mental health. I think of her it brings up stuff from past that really hurts. It's so much

Block her and be done.

Block her and if people start talking about her say ‘I don’t want to know’. You’re making this more difficult than it needs to be and I’m wondering if you enjoy the drama.

Far too much drama. Stop getting involved

I think you still care about her and her children, so it’s maybe hard to let go. But, also it sounds like you can’t really help her even if she was honest about needing help from you. You have your own stuff going on, and life to lead. Try to let go of judgment and the past and just distance yourself from her for now. As PP said if others come to you telling you things, just say you don’t want to know, that it’s too much and you have decided to step back. I say this because I don’t think you and your friend can help each other at the moment. But in future, who knows? You can hope for the best for her while protecting yourself I think. If it’s genuinely causing you distress, don’t get involved again. Good luck

@LassoOfTruth

I think you still care about her and her children, so it’s maybe hard to let go. But, also it sounds like you can’t really help her even if she was honest about needing help from you. You have your own stuff going on, and life to lead. Try to let go of judgment and the past and just distance yourself from her for now. As PP said if others come to you telling you things, just say you don’t want to know, that it’s too much and you have decided to step back. I say this because I don’t think you and your friend can help each other at the moment. But in future, who knows? You can hope for the best for her while protecting yourself I think. If it’s genuinely causing you distress, don’t get involved again. Good luck

Your spot on how I am feeling.

It's more for the kids why I unblocked her. Our friendship will never be the same.

This morning I heard something again. I am fuming when will this all stop honestly.
I just feel sorry for her now she got herself into a right mess.
I can't help her and I have too much on my plate. I don't mind talking to her from a distance but getting really involved I can't. But then wondering if I should just cut off off. She not changed and I have.
So she won't be getting the friend who kept quiet in fear she would be upset with hearing the truth. I feel if I let it out to him she will know no way back for us. But you all are right making it complicated. I just don't know all over the place.

I am fuming when will this all stop honestly

When you stop it.

Stop being a victim of her situation. It's your decision; you are choosing to be involved.

Stop contact with her, and stop anybody who tries to talk to you about her. That's when 'this will all stop'.

@Watchkeys

I am fuming when will this all stop honestly

When you stop it.

Stop being a victim of her situation. It's your decision; you are choosing to be involved.

Stop contact with her, and stop anybody who tries to talk to you about her. That's when 'this will all stop'.

Yes your right.

I am not a victim in her situation. Neither is she her kids are. She created her messed herself up. I am so annoyed and it's like why you come here for. I don't need it right now.
We can talk but you getting limited access it's wrong time to try it with me. I can act dumb and play along like nothing the matter and drop her in so much trouble. But you know what got no time for it.
Sorry for the rant and thank you for advice