8 y/o won't sleep alone.

[ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner]

I know this isn't parenting but posting for hopefully more responses.

My dd8 had Covid in January and was really unwell for a few days so she was in bed with me for the whole week, she then went back to her own bed but was waking frequently during the night. She then got ill again with an awful ear infection so I was sleeping in her bed and now she's completely lost the ability to sleep alone. If I get into her bed she will fall asleep within 20 minutes but if I don't she is up and down and tossing and turning until midnight sometimes, if she does fall asleep she will wake up about 2-3am and come in because she can't get back to sleep.

It's now easier for me to send her to bed with the promise of me getting in with her when I go up and that seems enough so relax her so she can go to sleep then if she wakes in the night she goes for a wee and straight back to sleep.

She's not 100% since Covid so I'm constantly thinking about her getting decent sleep and to be honest it's no hardship sleeping with her as she has a nice big bed and is easy to sleep with, dh doesn't care because he gets the bed to himself and we all get a decent sleep.

Just wondering if I'm wrong for giving in and sleeping with her? Should I be stricter or just go with the flow and all get some sleep? WWYD? I can't work out if I'm doing right or wrong!

@CarlCarlson "Man and wife should sleep together. And the child should be in their own bed till morning." Honestly, give over.

OP, you can sleep soundly knowing that you're building a solid relationship with your child. I'd much rather be my child's source of comfort than have them scared in the middle of the night, knowing that they'll get no reassurance from their parent and just be sent back to bed.

If you're all happy and sleeping well then I'd carry on doing what you're doing. It won't last forever. I guess make it a habit to ask her every Friday or something whether she wants you to sleep in her bed. One week she'll probably surprise you and say no!

Me and DH sleep separately at the moment - he sleeps with 2yo DD and I sleep with our newborn. That way we all get the best sleep we can (although I wouldnt go as far as saying either of us sleep well!!). It won't last forever.

@CarlCarlson

Sorry but it isn’t right for her to be sleeping with her parent at age 8.

Its not unusual that she has got in to a phase of not wanting to stay in her own bed but you need to nip it in the bud and restore her confidence to sleep alone

Man and wife should sleep together. And the child should be in their own bed till morning

There's nothing wrong with her sleeping in her parents bed if she needs comfort. That's what parents are for, to provide comfort, in a way the child needs. OP she won't do it forever, if you're all happy with it, don't worry.

Man and wife should sleep together. And the child should be in their own bed till morning

I'm surprised this post didn't start with 'man here'

I went through a phase of this about the same age. Happy to report that at 36 I no longer need to sleep in the same bed as my mum.

If you're all sleeping and happy then just do what works and what makes her feel reassured right now. Christ knows the world is stressful enough right now for us all.

Both my DC took it in turns to sleep with me until they reached secondary school. GS age 8 has slept with his DM from birth except for when he's stayed with me and then chooses on the whole to sleep in his own bed
I have never thought of it as a problem. It's just a different way of sleeping. My own DC slept really well as does my GS.

[quote fullofpips]@CarlCarlson "Man and wife should sleep together. And the child should be in their own bed till morning." Honestly, give over.

OP, you can sleep soundly knowing that you're building a solid relationship with your child. I'd much rather be my child's source of comfort than have them scared in the middle of the night, knowing that they'll get no reassurance from their parent and just be sent back to bed. [/quote]
Thank you @fullofpips. We chatted about it this morning and she said she doesn't know why she can't sleep at the moment but it makes her feel happier if I'm with her so I'll take that and carry on.

@liveforsummer

Man and wife should sleep together. And the child should be in their own bed till morning

I'm surprised this post didn't start with 'man here'

😂😂

@Kinsters

If you're all happy and sleeping well then I'd carry on doing what you're doing. It won't last forever. I guess make it a habit to ask her every Friday or something whether she wants you to sleep in her bed. One week she'll probably surprise you and say no!

Me and DH sleep separately at the moment - he sleeps with 2yo DD and I sleep with our newborn. That way we all get the best sleep we can (although I wouldnt go as far as saying either of us sleep well!!). It won't last forever.

@Kinsters that's a really good idea about, I'll start doing that and like you say one week she might surprise me! I'm going out tonight with some friends so it will be a good test to see if she goes to sleep ok without me.

@CarlCarlson it's a rare thing if me and my husband sleep in the same bed all night anyway, he snores and I toss and turn so one of us ends up on the sofa! We have been together for 18 years so I'm not worried that our relationship will suffer, we have already said that if we ever move and can afford a spare room then it would be amazing to sleep separately! I think there's a post running in here at the moment and I was surprised how many couple do it or would do it! You're right in that it's a habit she needs to break but I don't want to force her back to bed in her own when she clearly needs a bit of comfort at the moment.

Thanks so much everyone I feel better now and actually had a peaceful nights sleep in her bed last night without worrying I was doing the wrong thing ❤️ She's such a happy little thing and I know she's not doing it out of naughtiness because she loves her bed! x

Hey, I'm quite an old school mum and mine are practically grown up now, but they both had phases of needing me or their father (my husband!) to sleep next to right up until they were about 12! It's normal for humans to sleep in groups anyway, so don't sweat it. It'll pass. You can get creative with your OH in other rooms, lol!

This is so lovely to read. We have recently reinstated bedtime stories with our 13 year old. He's really anxious and it helps him. Growing up isn't always linear and I don't think he'll be needing them at 25.

Maybe offer her a substitute when you go out - a big cuddly toy if there's one about, or a hot water bottle.

If you are happy leave it, if you want to get her back in her own bed perhaps let her pick a new duvet cover or some nice cushions etc. having opposite problem DD 2 is ill and refuses to sleep with us so I’m up a million times a night to comfort her, kind of miss the days when she would be happy to sleep with us, even if the little nutcase would kick and flail the entire time.

@liveforsummer

Man and wife should sleep together. And the child should be in their own bed till morning

I'm surprised this post didn't start with 'man here'

Exactly! What an absolute load of rubbish though quite amusing