4 year old behaviour change

[pinky938482]

Really not sure if this is a normal behaviour change or not. DD (age 4 almost 5) up until a couple of months ago has always been overall very well behaved. She started school in September and seems to enjoy it we have just had a very good report from her teacher.
However the last couple of months at home she just seems angry all the time. Often the anger is directed at me. If I say no to her she screams/sometimes even lashes out. It's often for minor things like wanting to eat sugary foods constantly. I feel like I am walking on egg shells trying to not set her off. I am firm with her but try not to shout. Tonight she wanted a teddy bear to go to bed with which she hasn't played with in months. I couldn't find it anywhere so she told me I'm a horrible person and she doesn't like me .
Is this normal for a 4 year old. I thought I had another 10 years before this stage?

She’s probably just tired. Is it just school or does she have after school activities?

I would wonder if someone at school is saying those things to her and she is repeating them back? Why can't she also come and look for the teddy bear? I would let her choose a new cuddly toy, perhaps she wants reassurance in bed because of what is happening during the day.

Lashing out at 4/5 is probably more normal especially if tired.

My just 5 year old is like this OP. We were marvelling earlier at how she was always the chilled out one and now she is a crank over everything and constantly picking fights with her older sibling. I'm quite sure it's just a phase but I don't tolerate it which I hope will end it quickly. It may be tiredness but I don't want her to think it's appropriate to lash out just because she's tired.

I could have written your post OP. It's absolutely tiredness and overwhelm.

Is there definitely nothing untoward going on for her? Sorry to have to ask but anger and other significant changes in behaviour are often early warning signs of abuse

One of my DC's used to lash out at 4 but was much better by 5. The key thing is not to overreact. As you say stay calm, do not shout but make it clear lashing out is not acceptable. If she is well behaved at school, then maybe she releases her feelings at home in her safe environment. This is common I think. It will pass.

She's probably very tired and it can be hard at 4 years old to behave all day at school.

She's letting off steam and unfortunately you're the one she can do that with. Trying to eat lots of sugar could also be because of lack of energy.

Unfortunately there's no real answer other than trying to make sure she gets enough sleep and doesn't overdo the after school activities. Chilling at home after school is really what most 4 and 5 year olds need.

Hungry, tired, growth spurt, something happening at school that is upsetting her?
Do you give her a snack as soon as she comes out of school? Is she going to bed early enough?
Have you asked her teacher if anything has happened at school?

Thank you everyone it's sounds like it might be fairly common.
To try answer a few questions no she doesn't really do any after school activities at the minute just swimming at the weekend.

She has lots of teddy's already in bed with her. DH thinks it's her trying to delay bedtime as she often asks for something random that we all end up looking for. I actually asked her to help look for the teddy last night with me and she refused.

Abuse I certainly hope not. I work from home and pick her up from school so the only place she isn't with me is at school. She seems happy at school most of the time and her teachers says she has lots of friends and seems very happy. She often tells me about her friends and occasionally has mentioned if someone upset her so I'm hoping she would tell me if anything was going on. She has mentioned afew children who are angry and shout in the class (not at her). I did wonder if she was copying their behaviour.

Tiredness I do think this is the most likely cause. She has never been the best sleeper and every night she tries to delay bedtime or fights going to sleep. Luckily we live 100 yards from school so she doesn't have to get up until 8am. Last night I couldn't get her to sleep until 9pm because of the teddy situation. On better days it's 8pm but never earlier.

The sleep thing is normal too! I never understood how people would talk about their kids being asleep by 6.30pm! Sounds like you are doing everything right and it's just a phase.